I think my fiancé may be losing attraction?

We've been together for two years, he proposed to me on our one year anniversary. We've always had a great sex life, however we have a five month old daughter and our sex life is almost completely gone. I work nights and he has to be up by 6am so we don't see each other as much. For the past few months (and randomly throughout my pregnancy) he gets really distant. He'll come home from work and complain of being tired even though I'm the one who takes care of our daughter all night. He'll go on his ipod in the bathroom for at least 45 minutes, eat dinner/watch tv and go to bed. He doesn't so much as say one word to me or show any affection anymore. I worked my as* off to get in shape, I am even hotter now than before I had the baby. I've talked about this with him before and he promised he would try harder to show me affection but it only lasts for a few days and he goes back to doing whatever he wants. I feel like a single mom! I'm usually the one who initials sex, I try everything to spice things up and nothing works. I feel like I am the only one trying in our relationship and I don't know what to do. He tells me he loves me but I don't feel like he does anymore. What should I do? I really wanted to marry him, he is the one who wants more kids and to get married I never pressure him about it. However, I just feel ignored... I don't know if there is someone else? If he is bored with me? Is this normal? I can't spend the rest of my life feeling overlooked and taken for granted but I always want to give him another chance.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Speaking from experience I did the exact same thing your fiancé did. I'm not proud of it, and for the past 5 years it's haunted me.

    We had a son together and for a good while after he was born I ignored her. I can't imagine what she went through and what you are going through.

    The fact that that you are trying so hard and even got hotter and he is still ignoring you that's bad.

    I'm not saying break up here. Far from it

    What works with guys is "jealousy" go out with some co-workers. Post pictures on FB about the night out. Show him what he is missing out on. You can even take pictures with some guys. What I think guys do is once they've proposed they think their fiancé is set. But once you shown him that "maybe" some other guy is taking notice it might wake him up real fast

    • Why did you ignore her? Did you ever talk to other girls when you did? And it's so hard to not want to see him, I come home from work and I'm excited to see him and talk. But I work everyday this week so I guess it'll be easier to ignore him and I'm trying to make plans for this weekend. I miss him I just don't get how he can come home from work, lay in bed, watch TV and have absolutely nothing to talk about. I tried initiating sex the last two nights, the first night he was "too tired" and last night he was watching football, he couldn't even get hard... I'm trying not to take it personally, I know I'm attractive but it is so hard when he doesn't acknowledge it.

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    • Thank you! We went to the gym together last night and he actually initiated sex. Your comment made me feel a lot better. I'm pretty sure he would never cheat but it just crosses my mind when he is distant/private. I love him, I will try to be more patient and make plans for myself

    • Your welcome I'm happy it worked out for you :-)

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What Guys Said 1

  • For future reference, I believe this is happening because there's nowhere left for you two to go. You can get "hotter" and spice things up, but you guys have already initiated the most intimate act of bonding two human beings can partake in.

    Traditionally, that had been saved... If you could resist temptation, for the honeymoon.

    In this world we are so pressured to have sex.

    I am telling you... it's the number one thing you can do to destroy your relationship.

    There is something to be said about abstinence, about curbing your desires and getting to know one another better...

    In the future, abstain from sex. If any guy won't stay with you if you refuse him your body, that is the type of guy who will likely act like your current Fiancee is right now.

    Guys willing to wait are very few, but we exist. We do it because we understand that a foundation in a relationship is far more important... long term... Than sex is. (or, at least having sex right now).

    I wish you the best. My advice is to listen to your gut instinct, it was telling you about this guy. It was warning you when you guys began to start making out.

    His love can for you can be renewed... but it is something that almost must be a divine intervention type of thing. Have you ever appealed to God? God is real... And He will give you wisdom and help you. Nothing in my life that's good I can claim. I'd be in some alley somewhere with a needle in my arm if it wasn't for God.

    God has healed me, and helped me. If you ask Him for help, He will answer you.

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    • Because someone agrees with me and it just so happens he's had sexual relations, it MUST mean he views me as a sex object? Yeah, you're definitely religious HAHA.

    • Sadly, if a man does not take the time to build a foundation with you, Hannah, that is all you will eventually become to him. Without a life commitment, and a rock solid basis for it to stand on, it will only end in heartache when he grows bored with you (And ultimately finds a warmer woman somewhere else). I've seen it over and over.

      Knowing God and knowing the Truth often go hand in hand, yes, you are right. But you do not have to be religious as you say, to discover a pattern in something or know it's wrong.

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