I've been divorced for 2yrs, I currently have a boyfriend&I think that's totally okay, but why do I DREAD the thought of my ex getting a girlfriend?

I was married for 10yrs&divorced for 2yrs now, but I regularly "saw" my ex since our divorce, I do have a boyfriend now&stopped seeing my ex. Why do I obsess&DREAD the thought of my ex getting into a relationship? I feel like I'd die of heartbreak if he moved on! I'm not sure if it's subconsciously because I still love him&made a mistake? I definitely fear someone taking my place?( My young daughter's live w him during school) When divorce came up, he cheated on me&denies it to this day, with the occasional slip up of"I did it to hurt u, or did it to make u jealous, to get ur attention"I can't grasp why I think it's perfectly fine for me to have a boyfriend BUT totally not fine for him to get a girlfriend!!! He agrees&says he'll never move on, but considering he cheated...
From the outside, looking in, what do others see? Probably looks like I'm not over him? Is this normal?
Updates:
Yeah, the boyfriend isn't someone I see myself with in the future, I dated him way back in HS I want something new&exciting! I think cuz I have children involved is why I feel the way I do! No one can ever replace as far as my daughters go! Thanks!
Hey "UglyGuy" what do I do next? Lol, I actually like ur opinion, I evaluated ur questions&need next step, thank you, u made a valid point!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • That's not fair. In the two years since the divorce, what steps have you taken for forgiveness of self and of him? You haven't moved on even though you have this new bf. Without truly wanting the best for your ex, you cannot move on inward even though you are trying to outwardly. Basically what I'm saying is, this journey is an inward one. it all is actually. and to be fair to the new guy, you must be honest and as stated below, focus on him. Turn the tables. ask yourself questions. and go from there. Hope this helps :)

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    • Awe. Im glad I could help :) Take the necessary step towards forgiveness, and you will be golden, no matter whicg road you choose :) Good Luck Lady!!! <3

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What Guys Said 5

  • , No offense but this is a bad double standard. You already moved on, you have a boyfriend and you're not seeing your ex. It's wrong for you to be jealous of him doing the same. Sure it can hurt, but you need to just suck it up and deal with it, and focus on YOUR boyfriend.

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  • Because you don't really love your boyfriend... if you have a real love with your boyfriend you will never feel DREAD the thought of your ex getting any relationship... so you need to know if you really love your boyfriend or not... I am really sorry for my opinion.

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    • I agree with Ugly-Guy and Divorce is only a piece of Paper and your heart does not read.

    • First... you need to be with your boyfriend even if you don't really love him, because if you left him in this time you will be crazy with your EX... Second, stop chasing your EX news, and don't ask anyone about him... at least for 2 months.. Third,... decide if you want to continue with your boy friend or not... IF NOT.. you need to find someone else immediately... DON'T MAKE ANY GAP IN YOUR LIFE... at least for now... after that we can go to plan B ;)

    • PS. My problems are completely different than your problems... I am sorry for my opinion.. and maybe I have to look at my problems first... I am really sorry.. good luck

  • What I notice with people who "move on" is that many see it as a sign of "progression" when it really isn't. Like if 2 people dated and broke up, if one sees the other with another person, the single person feels like the other made steps forward even though the person could be in a shitty relationship.

    The thing is, this clearly isn't the case but that person could potentially condescend the single person and talk to them like they just aren't good enough yet to find someone and act like they're farther ahead in life. So you seeing him possibly making such a step would kill you because you'd probably rather see him alone and not be with someone else enjoying his company.

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  • I think it's quite normal, if you've been sharing your life with someone for a long time, it still touches you if that person has another girl. Being together for years creates a lasting bond.
    By the way, I see that you used question updates to react to opinions, but if you wish you can use the "comment" button below an opinion to post a reaction to the person's opinion.
    The advantage is that the answerer of your question sees your comment and sometimes you can have interesting discussions this way.
    Feel free to do a test using my opinion :-)

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  • That's a lot to read. Have you tried finding the answer in pizza?

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What Girls Said 2

  • Its normal to not be over him and feel jealous. Maybe, deep down more tan jealousy you are extremely angry at him and you feel like he doesn't deserve to find someone else. You might never get rid of these feelings but time is the best healer. So think of it this way, he deserves someone to treat him like crap and you deserve someone better. Hope this helps.

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  • Do you love your boyfriend and do you think he is a better person than your ex?

    No -> you're still not over your ex because the boyfriend isn't better than your ex.
    Yes -> it is possible to love your boyfriend deeply, but still not wish your ex well if you're resenting him for how he treated you (in the end).

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