Alright, so.. I am not entirely sure what is and is not appropriate to say. First off, I will always love my Husband. He was and is a major factor in my life. So, please.. leave the bad comments out of this.
Alright, so this happened a week ago. My Husband picked me up from work and I was dropping him off at his work since we share a car. We ended up chatting with one of his coworkers and then he walked towards the front. I was driving off and then my phone rings, it's the coworker asking me to come back and bring him his phone with the excuse of "he says he needs to check his bank account." Which was odd to me. So, I turned around. --Mind you if I had noticed his phone was in the car to begin with I would have happily turned around and dropped it off without a second thought, but the presentation and excuse. The excuse bothered me.--
So, I get to the light before I am to turn into the area of his work and my gut took over. I felt uneasy. He had been strange lately. The last two months to be exact. We had been rocky and I admit my expressing of concern hasn't always been.. well, fantastic. When I feel like l'm losing him I go into defensive mode. Anyway, getting side tracked, but I feel it's important to have all aspects of this. I look in his phone and see a picture of his, well, his penis. Now, he isn't the type to just to take pictures of himself like that.. so I snoop a little further. I go into his gmail and there it is. Picture upon picture of another woman. I grew very quiet as I tried to process this. It didn't make sense to me.. and most of all, it hurt. It wounded me. She didn't seem like anything special. She had everything I have except a lot more miles, in my honest opinion. I was shocked. There was at least 18 pictures. The part that bothered me was how obvious this was trying to be hidden from me. In the email it was sent to him from him on that email. "Why" was all I could ask. (Continuing in comments due to lack of space here.)
Most Helpful Guy
You listened to your gut, good. It will never lie to you.
I want to tell you a few things. Namely, the thing that is causing him to drift from you. It's your defensiveness. When you are hurt, it is easy and natural to want to withdraw... But for him, it's like you're not his mate anymore. In his mind, his only source of comfort and love is... cold and withdrawn. It is why men cheat. And it is driving him into the arms of another woman. Unfortunately, even if he is totally at fault and you have every right to feel that way, it still has that effect on him.
If the woman he loves is vicious and angry, the tender mercy his soul needs, that his heart pants after like a deer, are turned completely away from you. You scar him, and you scare him. I'm sorry... but this is coming from a guy. You are driving him away with your anger.
He is NOT justified in flirting with this other woman, even if it is only for "fun" for now. That "fun" has a way of cascading, and becoming a full blown affair.
You say you love him, and always will. That's great! So many women would sigh, cut and run. But not you. You are a strong hearted woman.
But now there's hurt on hurt... Do not compare yourself with her. So often a man gets involved with another woman, even emotionally, it is because he "thinks" he "sees" "Something" in her. Usually it's something that he is not getting from his life mate, his wife.
You're in a battle for your marriage now.
My best advice to you, is to listen to your gut. Do not let your emotions rage out of control, YOU control THEM.
Second, become the passionate, loving, caring, UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING woman he fell in love with.
IF you can manage that, and you do it from a truly caring heart, forgetting all the hurt in the past, he will come back to you on his knees, with tears in his eyes over how he treated you.
IF you nag him, curse him, and belittle him, you can join a divorce statistic.0
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