What do you do when you love your BOYFRIEND like a BEST-FRIEND, and are actually IN-LOVE with your EX?

So I've been dating this guy now for a couple years. We started off just as friends (though I think he had a crush on me the whole time), and ended up dating. I wasn't really interested in him, but as we became better friends and I was at the time going through some difficult times, he was a great support for me and one thing led to another.
Anyway the problem is that I do really care about him, I love him, and it makes me feel horrible inside to think about how much Id hurt him if I broke up with him, especially since he was there for in a really bad time of my life. But at the same time, I feel like Im keeping this secret cuz I know deep down Im not really "in love" with him. I dont feel passionate about him, or ever jealous or threatened by other girls ( but not a healthy way like b/c I have so much trust, and more because I just sort of wouldn't be that bothered by it. In a way I might actually feel a little relieved on some level).
And at the same time, as much as I hate to admit it, I know Im still totally in love with my ex. It wouldn't be as hard to deal with, except that my ex is constantly calling/texting and I've even started hanging out with him as "friends", only I know its a dangerous path to take because unlike my current boyfriend who feels more like a friend, my ex and I have never been friends, but instead have had this ongoing thing between us for 6+years where we just can't seem to stop seeing each other altogether (whether we are committed to other people at the time or not).
Although breaking up w. current bf is the nice thing to do on some level, at the same time when I actually think about doing that, I start to feel devastated because we've built this little "family" w/ our 3 dogs, and romance aspect aside Id be genuinely sad to give up our life together. I guess I know who i want, but I dont know if getting him is worth giving up my best friend. To complicate things even more, my bf and ex were good friends... until i came around.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly, it's fair to no one. Your ex still loves you, but can't have you. Your bf loves you and you don't love him. Finally, you have a bf, don't love him (and want your ex back, but can't break up with the bf) I'll be honest with you. I was in your bf situation and it sucks. When you find out that your gf left for an ex you feel horrible. However, he probably also realizes you don't really love him that much cause it can kinda show. In the end, you should just end it. He'll eventually find a girl that loves him, you'll be with someone you love and loves you, and everyone moves on. You can't please everyone in life, but don't keep lying either. Good luck :)

    • thanks for the advice. i think i sorta already knew thats the right answer. just sucks cuz unlike every lame romantic comedy where the protagonist finally runs off with the "it" guy at the end & its all happy, in real life it still can be really sad to give up the person you leave behind (especially if you know deep down they probably love you more than the person you're leaving them for). But you're right it is just unfair and selfish to do anything else. I just need to stop being a coward and do it b4 i dig myself deeper :/

    • Life is short. Don't get to sad or emotional. It's gonna suck, but don't let it always be some bad reminder. You've just gotta learn from your mistakes. After all, we're only human

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