Should I leave him and how can I?

So I've been together with my boyfriend for almost two years. This is my first long relationship and he's not paying attention to me anymore. I'm really feeling like this isn't right anymore. He won't let me leave him, and all he does is explain it like "I think everything's ok between us"... He never wants to do anything I like. I'm a very excitable person and I like doing unexpected things=> he's completely the opposite. He plans everything. In the end we can't really do anything together cause he never wants to do any of the stuff I like. It makes me sad that he's never interested on anything exciting or he never surprises me with dinner or something like this... He likes to sleep and watch sports on TV or play some games. We don't even text or call anymore, but I kinda feel like I'm bound to him... Most of the time he comes over we don't even sleep in the same bed anymore, cause we just can't... I don't want to hurt him, but do I have to?
Anyway I want to believe there are other guys I could date, but it's difficult to consider something like that after such a long relationship. How do I leave him? really.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Shitty. It sounds like a dead relationship walking.

    That two year mark is a benchmark, that's when new relationship energy has generally worn off and the heightened emotional connection, that makes it seem like 'everything is awesome' fades out and is replaced by the regular behavioural patterns.

    Your description is not one of a relationship of love, it is a relationship of familiarity. You two may say "I love you" to each other, but that would most likely be habit, forged when the relationship was supercharged with NRE and everything seemed perfect. You will have feelings for each other, but they will be more akin to how you 'love' a good friend. You don't want something bad to happen to a good friend of yours, you don't want a good friend of yours to be hurt or anything.

    What you are in is unsustainable, and eventually one of you will begin to chafe. Which, sounds like, is happening with you now. If you try to keep it as it is, you will eventually start getting resentful, and you will eventually end up losing the possibility of even remaining friends, you will actively start to hate him.

    It will be hard to make a split because he is most likely your main source of emotional support by this point. So you will be doing something that requires a huge amount of emotional support, while removing your main source of that support. It's why these things can get so hard to get out of, and why relationships end up dragging on for years past their best-before date.

    But know that it can be much better than this. This isn't the state of 'all' relationships after 2 years. It isn't the normal state of things. Everything is NOT ok between you too.

    • You just completely read my mind there.. haha ! But yes it has been difficult for a long time now. I can't force it anymore. Thank you for the great reply! I don't want to hate him or him to hate me and I wish we could just be friends, but that'll never work.. He's the kind that will hate me if I leave him. Right now we're on a break, so I'm just trying to get used to the idea of being without him, and I hope he has begun thinking about being without me.

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    • Yeah.. I just hope he can handle this. He's the kind of a person who just sleeps away his problems, doesn't face them. I know this is the kind of a problem he will have to face. Its just weird not texting him or speaking to him at college... I seem to run into him more than ever now. I used to think a lot about how all our mutual friends would respond and what would our families think of this... It's a new situation for me so I'm scared of handling it. Maybe I shouldn't overthink it.. :/ You're right, this break thing has to be final. I don't want to got through the same again..

    • Yeah, exactly. It's like pulling off a band-aid, you just want it to be quick, clean, and decisive.

      He will be upset, sure. But you have to do it to move forward. And he will need it so he can move forward too, even if he doesn't want to right now.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You feel bound to him because you're comfortable. You're going to have break things up and move on. You're obviously unhappy and you know it needs to be done. Just do it, and each day it will get easier.

    • thank you ! :)

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    • yeah.. It feels like a loose - loose situation at the moment, but I guess I should just do it and start seeing new people

    • Yes that's the best thing. You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel when you get into a better situation.

  • " He won't let me leave him,"

    Unless he's got you handcuffed to the sink, or you live in a country that has slavery, he can't not "let" you leave. Man. Reminds me of a comedian's skit... "you girls aren't any better about leaving bad relationships. You tell your friends, 'I can't just leave him. He's got my cd's!' "

    • I didn't mean it like that. I care about this person. So if he really insists that I shouldn't leave him, it feels wrong to do so. But yeah, I'm trying to move on little by little. Thank you for your reply

  • If he's not being unfaithful to you (I mean if he's cheating), then there's no real basis to leave him. It's just that you gotta kick his ass off the couch!!!


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