Weird situation with ex? please help!?

So my ex boyfriend and I dated for 6 months. the last month, he started acting kind of strange. He would act silent and kind of distant. I thought him and his friends were talking badly about me to one another. and I looked to one of my friends for assistance.
My friend advised me to dump him and said he wasn't worth it and all these things, and I believed him. I kind of told a few of my friends that I was going to do it a week prior.
Turns out, my friend who helped me just took advantage of the situation and hoped to get with me once I dumped my boyfriend. I had to reject him twice, and he still goes for it and tells me that my ex still isn't worth thinking about. He'll get defensive and angry. He lied to me to get me to dump my ex.
And it turns out that my ex never talked badly about me and if anyone ever tried, he would shut them up and tell them to stop. I still don't know what his problem was then, I would ask but he would be silent. I know he has depression and some other things going on, but I thought too much about myself and not about him.
I feel terrible because I love him but I was too nervous he was going to break up with me, so I looked to outside sources for help and I was dumb enough to believe some homewrecker into breaking up with my ex. The worst part about it is neither of us really got closure because I didn't know what to say. We weren't ready to break up. but i made a mistake.
Now my ex is with another girl as a rebound (they got together within 2 weeks) and I can't decide whether to wait it out and have a serious discussion with him or not, whether we end up getting back together or just getting closure.
We still kind of text and snapchat and are friendly but I stay low just to give him and his new girl a chance.
Did I ruin it?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well yes you did. I understand getting advice for someone but you have to have your own mind and not be manipulated into turning a thought you had into something that wasn't. You should first point blank asked your now ex if he was taking about you. Also you should have asked more friends to get a general idea, especially other females.

    I think your doing the right things keeping your distance while he is with someone and being respectful. If it really is just a rebound he won't last long and you will be able clear the air and see what happens next.

    • thank you. I went to his closest friend who is also my friend about it and it just seemed like a good idea at the time. I did ask multiple friends but they just said "sorry :/" and kinda left me there.
      I'll just try talking about it to him if him and his new girlfriend don't work out. I wouldn't want to bring up our relationship if he's already in another one. But he still seems kind of interested in that he looks at me and I'll catch his glance and he'll look away and he seems overly happy to respond to text messages. At least we didn't end on a bad note
      But thank you for your input, I realized all the stuff you said at first too late. this was one of my first serious relationships so I was too gullible and scared of losing him that I just ended it so he wouldn't have to.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Many times over, just because it's 'Over,' doesn't mean both parties, because they Break up, Can't Make up and end up in one another's lives once again. And with the Fairly 'Friendly' factor of chit chat and checking in, many times it leads to a friends with benefits factor too.
    However, in your case, with the Newbie 'Rebound' Rebecca he found in Hosh Kosh, it hasn't gotten this far---Thus far. But one never knows, given some time, that he might just come back and cry on your shoulder because something wouldn't be right in Denmark... And with this being said, it could 'End up' in Bed.
    If you think you may have a shot, keep it lite and semi sweet with just Civil. But don't fold or fall for Anything Else as long as he is hooked at the hip with her. It's not the 'Closure' you would be looking for, should you become involved in what I call a 'Triangle threesome,' where you are at the top, looking down, from side to side at the cozy couple at hand right now.
    And if you find you are tired of 'laying low,' later on in time, then move on, start over, and Consider That the Answer to close the chapter of this fairytale that just wasn't meant to be.
    Good luck. xx

    • thank you so much! I had to read this about 3 times because it was so well written, hehe.
      I'll take your advice and wait it out and see what happens while being happy for myself and my life. thank you :)

    • You are so welcome, sweetie, just my way of writing... So glad you could read Not only what I wrote, but in between the pages... xxoo

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What Guys Said 2

  • He is with someone new. Does that mean he is not experiencing pain over the breakup with you and does not deserve to hear the truth behind the reasons you initiated it? I personally do not believe so. Does that necessarily mean he will leave his new girl to be with you? No. Will it likely help him, and you, as well? I think it will.

    So, with that in mind, and for the sake of closure, I suggest you have the discussion with him now as opposed to later. I

    • I just don't want to come off as wanting him back or being needy, as well as causing an issue with him and his new girl. Well, yes I do want him back, but that's not all that closure would help with. I just can't imagine anything good coming from me, the ex, talking to him about it when he's already got someone else so soon.

    • and I think, if he wanted to get back together afterwards, it would put me in a position as second best and if him and his girl don't work out he can just bounce back to me, especially because telling him would reveal my intentions of wanting him back if he doesn't ask to know why I initiated it.

  • Yes you did.

    But life isn't over yet. And kudos to you for giving the rebound a chance, that's classy.

    • i just wouldn't want to be unfair to him again.
      Do you think after they breakup (if they do) I should try to talk to him again and apologize?

    • Yeah, talking to him would be good. But ask him if he wants to talk, maybe he was hurt and doesn't want to talk-talk.

      Keep your apology low-key, you want to tell him that you learned a lesson - not weep, gnash your teeth, etc.

    • Okay, thank you. I know i made a mistake and I trusted other people more than I trusted my boyfriend. Realizing this has helped me feel better.
      But thank you, I'll just have to let time pass and see what happens

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