Seeking reconciliation?

Broke up with my significant other after being in a 3 month relationship due to not wanting to get married right away which I thought was too soon. I felt at the time she was the one but I wanted to get to know her better and made sure that this would be a great decision. I wanted to know if we go through any hardships would we both stick through it and work it out. I mean let's face it, marriage is long term. Also, I wanted us to establish ourselves financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually before making the big move. The relationship ended abruptly through text because I didn't want to get married right away and she felt as if I was playing games with her even though I had a legitimate reason. The thought of her still haunts me because I care about her and still love her; I'm think about her a lot because really I want us to talk it out and possibly reconcile. Part of me was saying no and part of me said yes, what should I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • If u felt u treated her badly, only then u need to talk to her and sort it out. Otherwise, I don't think a girl who doesn't respect ur views will be a good partner to u. So, I think its good that she broke up with u at an early stage. If she is totally against the concept of taking it slow, it won't work out for u. U won't be happy anyway. She will keep pushing u throughout ur life.

    I can tell this from experience coz my BF has similar views, and I'm totally okay with it. His style of thinking suits me very well.

    • Thanks @Itsme_goodsamaritan, I know I definitely didn't treat her wrong. She mentioned at times of how much of a hard she gives me. I just didn't understand the rush. I guess things happen for a reason and who's to say if our relationship lasted after us being married with kids. The marriage idea was OK but she became impulsive and controlling about it about it. I always say, if a marriage is going to work, besides two people loving each other.. you still have to be stable all across the board... micro and macro. I always respect her views but she never quite agreed with mine and thought I was out to play games with her which I found to be downright wrong of her to think. But you're right, I just hope i can find someone I can be on the same page with one day.

    • Thanks for the MH :)

      I think its definitely her loss. All u wanted was to make a mature and informed decision. In the beginning of my current relationship, I did put pressure on my BF just like that girl (guess girls are very similar). But I backed off when I felt he was just being mature, and not trying to avoid me. I'm happy I did this coz I still have him in my life and I'm much more calm, secure, and strong thanks to him :D

      Hope you find all the happiness you deserve in ur life, all the best!

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  • Only get back with her/reconcile if you are sure she is the one and you want to marry her. It's not going to work out (the second time around) if you are still in the same state of mind/emotions. I understand what you are saying about not wanting to rush or be pressured, and I think it's wrong for her to keep pushing you. But I also understand that all she wants is reassurance that you are not trying to waste her time. The longer she is with you, the older she is getting. She is thinking, what if after a year of getting to know her, you decide she's not the one? By then she is a year older. She shouldn't be getting into a relationship in the first place with "marriage" as her expectation. It never works that way. But she is, and if You still want to give it a shot and be with her despite that then you need to be ready to compromise or adjust to make her happy. I'm not saying you will need to propose now (I mean, really? It's been 3 months), but you will need to give her some kind of reassurance. Instead of saying "I don't know if I want to marry" change it into something reassuring like maybe "I have never cared for someone as much as I care for you, and I would really like for this to go somewhere, someday". Instead of telling her stuff like "I want to know if we could work..." say something like "I would like to take the time for us to understand each other and how to work with each other's issues" ... Don't say things that shut down the idea of marriage, or things that will make her think you are only testing things out.

    Understand her situation too. She doesn't want to be used. So if you do get back with her, make sure it's because you are seriously considering a future with her, not because you miss her company. You need to take time for yourself to figure out what you really want.

    • I really do know what I want but, after us fighting all the time about marriage when I was only with her for 3 months, it was pretty pressuring. I also took a lot of insults from her and felt she was trying to change me. So I questioned many times if our relationship would even last. All honesty, I'm trying not to be anyone's baby daddy paying child support. Even after we've broken up, I asked her if we can try again, basically, she already made her mind up. She also wanted space to work on herself because she's been through a lot in her past relationships, when I think about it now, I was a rebound. I still love her and it pains me how things turned out, we were like best friends. All I wanted to do was make sure that we're ready for marriage, it takes more than just loving each other. I'm a person who does not like to play games with anyone's heart and to be honest, I did compromise many times. The ending was pretty nasty and she threw a lot of insults at me which were unforgivable.

    • I think it would be too late to give it a shot because I can't compromise for someone's dreams. I did that to many times and that got me nowhere. I had to put myself first this time around. I agree with you, getting into a relationship with those expectations can really kill things.

  • That's a challenge, is she about about your age? All her friends are married/ engaged family pressure?
    I think the older a girl gets the more panic-ish she gets about biological clock, want to nest and have those babies! If you want the same, maybe you should contact her and calmly explain that you are not all game and you would like the same thing, maybe start with an older concept of a promise ring, and then after a year or so if things are going well, get engaged with a year or so deadline - just like that you can 'earn' a few years. On the other hand - she kinda broke up with you in a txt...

    • I can understand where you're coming from, she's in her mid thirties and no pressure from her friends or family. But I'm taking it, people she grew up with are getting married and having kids. That is something I want but at the same time, I want to build with her before taking the next step. I rather not be unhappily married with children, that would be damaging to our union and kids. I've tried and she insulted me instead, she went from saying she doesn't regret being with me to regret being with me - which i found to be ironic. But maybe this a lesson learn- choose who you love wisely.

    • I even bought an engagement ring and told her and she didn't believe me. She told be via text, if you proposed to me now, i wouldn't accept. I got my money back soon after that.

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