Recently having a lot more financial success. Thinking about talking to my ex?

So be straight up from the start that my ex and I absolutely did NOT have a relationship based on money. She is very independent and responsible (she's not a golddigger). But here goes:

I'm a man in my early 30s and my ex is 26. We dated for a year. She was a wonderful girl and we got along very well for most of the relationship. I was into her, but she was actually more into me. However being a independent business owner I had hit a rough patch for about a year. She was well aware of it, but very supportive. As time went on I found my self tense, depressive and constantly complaining about my money issues. I also felt under confident about my position in life. I drive a beat up car, rent and have about 5K in credit card debt. She drives a slightly better car, has money saved up and lives in a nicer place. She tried to help me with budgeting and even offered me money a few times. I refused it because I wanted to be the man in control. I also felt like "I didn't deserve her" and it was influencing my sexual confidence. One time after some drinking I blurted out "why are you hanging out with a loser like me". I'm no loser, but I do high expectations for myself in life (I come from a well off family). I'm a little bit of perfectionist and if I don't get what I expect in myself I get depressed. I actually wanted a temporary break from her to straighten out my own life... but I feared losing her for good. Sure enough she eventually dumped me (although part of me wanted it). Since then life has been shitty until I recently got a good job offer making almost twice as much as I do right now.

She moved on quick and might be with someone else (but I don't know for sure). If she is, I have to accept that. However I was thinking about taking a gamble and texting her "hey I got some good news, lets get some coffee". I just want to tell her I'm doing a lot better and if she ever wanted to start talking to me again... I would be happy to talk more.
I will leave it really open ended. I'll also explain why I was behaving the way I did at the end of our relationship. I'll make it clear that I'm not looking to rush back in, but the door is open again. I know some people will say "find someone
else" but this girl was special and although she dumped me... it really was I that broke things off.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Not allowing someone to help you can often come off as 'you aren't capable of helping me' so she may be a little sore from that still. Sounds like you directly link your attractiveness and worth to your financial success, aside from your woman troubles I'd really try and look into this for your own sake. What if you were to have a run of bad luck for a while and things weren't so good? would you revert back to how you were? Feeling useless because you don't have some bits of green paper in your pocket? You need to address this self worth issue before you move further along I think, it will be beneficial to you and help you make better decisions in your life when you feel better about yourself.

    • I'm actually getting some help about this, because this is deeply rooted in my life. I was the oldest child from a traditional family where my dad worked his ass off to make it far. He was making $250 a year and that still wasn't good enough for him. I think high expectations have some value because it provides people drive. I was more of an adventurer. I did some traveling and got really involved in martial arts (this initially really turned on my gf)). But deep down I really never went all the way with my adventurers (I could of went a lot farther as pro mma fighter... but I was scared of going broke) Money isn't everything but it's important. I want her to feel like I could support her if we ever got serious. There were some problems with out relationship but unfortunately a lot of the were rooted in economics. This new job won't solve everything (I could get fired tomorrow). However it is a positive change. I wish so hard that my ex would give me a second chance.

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    • Ha! Yeah, I guessed you'd left a few zeros off the end of that! Well good for you for recognising there is an issue and making steps towards sorting them out, for your own well being. She (or your next gf) will eejit from you having sorted your own things out before embarking on a new relationship. Of course success is good, and making enough money so that you aren't constantly worrying about it is also a good move, but it really isn't the be-all-and-end-all of the world and I'm sure your ex was probably quite hurt by the way you excluded her because of finance issues. I think that you'll be just fine giving it a bit of time, keep working on those self esteem and worth issues and try putting yourself in her shoes: how would you have felt if your partner was really down and low and wouldn't even accept a little bit of help or assistance? I know I'd feel a bit unwanted. I'd speak to her and explain all of this, that you're working on sorting these little issues out and you'd like...

    • the opportunity to show her that you really do care and can put your problems to bed and be with her, if she still wants to. The ball is in her court then, but you keep doing what you're doing for your own sake.

Most Helpful Guy

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What Girls Said 2

  • You need to first learn to treat your woman like a queen that she is. Regardless of your financial situation. You can't push away those who love and care for you. If she come back will you treat her like crap the next time your business takes a dive?
    Don't play with her heart unless you can make that commitment.
    Think carefully before you act.

    • I actually treated her pretty well. I was loyal though out the entire relationship and was always as nice/chivalrous as I could be. However I did go days without talking to her. Not out of spite, but out of fear of intimacy. I was pissed off at myself and I didn't want to be complaining to her all the time.

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    • the thing is she accepted me for what I was... but I didn't accept myself. I didn't want her to bring me home to her parents and say "yeah this guy is 7 years older than me... he's sweet but he's broke and so forth". I had serious thoughts about this girl... but I didn't feel confident in myself to be what she deserved.

    • "You need to first learn to treat your woman like a queen that she is." ---- I'm sorry, what?

  • Don't play with her heart she was probably very hurt by how you treated her and money won't likely change her mind. My advice is don't rush in and if she does give you a chance treat this woman with the kindness she deserves.


What Guys Said 2

  • Go for her! Give it a shot and see how things turn out. Us guys are used to being rejected or at least some of us. But I think you shouldn't miss the opportunity. The worst thing she could say is no and after that you can walk away happy because at least you tried. So I say go talk to her.

  • Money solves finical problems, not relationship ones.


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