All through our relationship he had plans to go back to his ex! I need some help in understanding this, can anyone help?

When we first started seeing each other he didn't want a relationship. We did the whole casual dating thing and I found out from a mutual friend that his ex had broken up with him a few months ago because they were in a long distance relationship and he wasn't visiting her enough. Apparently he was really angry about this. After a while i realised my feelings were too strong to carry on seeing him casually and I told him I just wanted to be friends. A few months later he changed his mind, said he'd put a lot of thought into it and wanted to be in a relationship with me. That was 5 months ago. At first things were great but the last couple of months I've felt that he's been keeping me at a distance, like he didn't want to get too close. When I asked him about it he said it's because he needs to put his work first (we're both doing PhDs). When I asked if it had anything to do with a past relationship he said he has been hurt and finds it hard to open up. I felt that there was more he wasn't telling me and this started to put a strain on the relationship with me becoming more and more moody. Eventually I lost my temper and said I didn't know how to be in the relationship when he was keeping me at arms length. He said we could work this out and we agreed to talk once I'd calmed down. When we did speak he maintained that it is because he needs to put his work first. I said that was fine I just needed to know if it had anything to do with an ex as I had a feeling that's why he didn't want a relationship to begin with. He said no and I asked if he'd be able to invest more in us once the phd was over and he said yes. He then stopped and said he'd lied, actually he had a deal with his ex to be friends whilst doing the phd then get back together once it was finished. He said he wasn't thinking ahead when he got in a relationship with me and if we were still together at the end of the phd he said he'd go back to her. I'm so hurt and it doesn't make sense to me - is he lying?


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  • Sounds pretty messed up that this guy said to your face that it is over no matter what when the PHD finishes. His heart isn't in it so I think you should just ditch him personally. It will only lead to more heartbreak for you even if he decides that he wants you, his character seems pretty flaky.


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