His ex isn't being xed out?

I've been with this guy for 10 months now. From the first day we met we both had an instant connection and have been inseperable ever since. We had first agreed that this wasn't going to turn into anything serious because we had things we needed to accomplish and a serious relationship was the last thing we needed, but still we fell in love. He's my best friend and the only problem I had with him this whole time is that him and his ex still talked. When we first started going out she would constantly text him I didn't like it and after several arguments she disappeared, no more texts or arguments pertaining her. Today i was in the car and for some reason he ended up with my phone and i ended up with his while he was in the store. I used his phone to text me or him lol and noticed a different number he had been texting to recently. Now i don't think what i did was right but i went through his phone. Scrolling through the messages i realized it was his ex. I am with him all day almost every day so I know they haven't been seeing each other and they only talk when I'm not with him like 1 or 2 am. I dont think he's cheating on me but I'm scared he still has feelings for her. I know this was his only other serious relationship he's ever had and I think they dated for about 2 years. This is also my second serious relationship but I left the past in the past even tho i was with the last guy for almost 3 years. He says he loves me and that he never wants to lose me we've even talked about our future together. He doesn't know i know this I am so in love with him I don't want to lose him but I don't want to be lied to and played either. I don't know what to do i don't want to go through the pain of losing my best friend.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Obviously, he is effort to text and communicate with her behind your back is a strategic effort to avoid the appearance of impropriety. Thus, its a clear sign that he is fully aware of your feelings and boundaries on the matter and the impact it could have on your decision to be with him.

    He has feelings for her, end of story, and is simply unready to walk away from his past and current relationship/friendship with her. Yet, he does not want to end what he has begun you. He seks the best of both worlds.

    So, what can he do? What does he do? He takes upon himself to never speak of her name to you or communicate with her in your presence to mislead you. As such, it's deception.

    Now, you should decide whether you can forgive, trust and can be with someone, who, unfortunately, is yet to completely get over his ex. For regardless of whether you leave or remain, she will be on his mind until he is over her.


Most Helpful Girl

  • First things first you said this is my second series relationship... But I thought this wasn't a serious relationship to begin with. You may think that's real minor and you may very much be in love but that sets the tone of the relationship right off the bat. Obviously he still cares for the girl as he should, no offense. But if thats a boundary you DONT want him to cross. Tell him that's off limits. If he left his phone in the car with you then he trusts you and shouldn't really care if you looked though his phone. I say bring the situation up.

    • He trusted her not to peek into his phone. Isn't that a universally unspoken rule?

      I don't see where you get the logic from that he doesn't mind her going through all his conversations.

      Bring the situation up and he can't trust you anymore. But then again he can't, because you peeked anyway.

    • No it's just a rule that someone made up in excuse to unveil the truth...
      For someone to loose total trust in someone JUST because they looked through that persons phone is quite silly.
      Maybe because you can't comprehend what I said. I didn't say he doesn't mind, that's generalizing it. I said and I qoute "he shouldn't mind" ... As in he just might or might not...
      If you're in a more mature relationship... Shit like this shouldn't phase you or brought up as a huge deal.

      Now huge deal breakers are... Cheating , lying and deceiving.

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What Guys Said 2

  • It's natural he doesn't just forget his ex. It shows a certain loyalty, in my view. So it's not necessarily a problem in YOUR relationship. He hasn't lied to you about her, master all, and isn't still seeing her.

  • I am curious about this:

    "This is also my second serious relationship but I left the past in the past even tho i was with the last guy for almost 3 years."

    It sounds asif you somehow have the ability to easily disconnect from your ex. How did you do it? Or are you not being honest with yourself.

    About him texting his ex. Or flirting with any other girl for that matter. As long as he's with you and he's not disrespecting you infront of you. Then he chooses you.
    If he somewhere in the future chooses her, so be it. Just accept it and move on with your life (you seem to be good at that, judging about what you said about your ex).


What Girls Said 1

  • When you have spent a good day with him, and you guys are cuddling or whatever on the couch.. Look at him in the eye and tell him "I love you, i'm so glad i don't have to worry about your ex again, i was getting worried and i thought that i might lose you, and thats the last thing i ever want.. I love you baby" and hopefully he gets the message..

    • Hopefully he gets to mindread that you know about him texting his ex? Far fetched.

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