Why is my ex-boyfriend sending mixed signals about friendship?

basically, we mutually broke up around a month ago. we still had feelings for each other, although my feelings were stronger towards the end of the relationship. he was my first serious relationship and I believe I was his first as well. we go to the same school and see each other VERY often... I have 3 classes with him, plus our school is very small. At first, he told me he really wanted friendship; when we broke up he said that I'm the coolest girl he knows and he couldn't imagine not speaking to me anymore. Then, he quickly changed his tune and told me he needed space until he felt better about things before we could be friends. Then, when our class retreat was coming up (3 weeks into our breakup), I asked him if he felt comfortable with being friendly; he told me he wasn't sure if he wanted to be friends or not. THEN on the retreat he approached me out of nowhere to ask how I've been doing -- we talked casually for a little bit, then he let me know that he's "reevaluated" himself and has been focusing more on friends, acting differently, and has come to terms that "we just didn't work out." Two weeks later, he made a misogynistic comment in class practically to my face (he said something about women being manipulative) ... when I approached him and asked if it was directed at me, he eagerly explained that it had nothing to do with me whatsoever. I told him I just want us to be on a friendly basis with each other, and he responded "I do too, but it's kind of difficult to be friends." that same night, he texted me to apologize about the comment that he made and wanted me to know that he does not find me manipulative. we ended up texting for an hour straight about many fun/casual things, it was nice... it was our first text convo since our breakup. However, the following 3 days after that text conversation have confused me; he doesn't make any effort to speak to me at all. BUT, if i initiate, he's so chill and happy about it. what is going on in his mind?


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What Guys Said 1

  • He's sending mixed signals because there hasn't been enough time apart since the break up, thus not allowing him to come to terms with the break up properly.

    Give it some time, and don't have too many expectations. Remaining friends is indeed hard for most.

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What Girls Said 1

  • he just told you whats going on in his mind "it's kind of difficult to be friends". i cannot tell you how much i relate to this. exact same situation. first serious guy, mutual break up, confusing friendship, etc etc. and you know what? it ended up being the messiest on and off "thing" for the next year and a half. trying to be friends so soon after breaking up, whether mutual or not is tough. i can't just tell you to stop talking to him because that won't happen, you dont want to, but it will be tough. you can't just forget feelings for each other because it was serious, and especially cos it was your first. he's confused, you must be confused, you just need to ride it out.. it won't be easy but just be as honest as you can and hope he can do the same. hope it helps.

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