Why doesn't he care about how I feel?

My hubby and I have been married seven years. During our marriage, we had tough times, as any does. But, we also had a good marriage. Best friends. Our friends were even envious of our relationship because we still acted like newlyweds. We were open and honest with each other other. We even had access to each others cell phones. However, about a month ago, we lost our home and had to move in with family. Not long after, we got into an argument (not a real bad one). He works out of town sometimes as a landscaper. Well, a couple of days after the argument, he had to go to work out of town. He was gone for a week, as usual. He called everyday and I figured everything would be fine. However, when he got back, he said he was leaving for good. The family was devastated, as none of us saw it coming. Another week goes by and he comes home for a family emergency with our daughter. A few days after he gets here ( he's still here by the way) he announces that he met someone (2 weeks after he left). He's going to be here for a while because of our daughter, but has decided to have a long distance relationship with the new girl. He doesn't care how much this is hurting me. He won't talk to me about it and most of the time, he's rude to me. I don't understand why he's treating me like this. He said he doesn't love me anymore. How could he just stop loving me after 2 weeks? The woman he's with is 10 years older than us, so I highly doubt its a midlife crisis (we're 38 and 37). Can you guys please help me figure this out. No smart-asses please. I want legit answers.


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  • It's really sad to read this. Sometimes people change and you can't fathom any reason. I will say... you should become independent. If you do a job, good for you. At least, you should be able to support your daughter well. I hope that due to all these troubles, you won't lose your home or something.
    Now... your husband is certainly giving in to his attraction. He can't be in love within 2 weeks. You should sit with him and talk. Prefer a calm atmosphere. Maybe everything that happened in the life of you both got to his head an he is preferring a way to escape. Maybe that woman can provide him good food, home and other luxuries. Maybe she is rich. Who knows? But if that's the case, and he is going to leave you both because of his own selfish reasons, then there is nothing much you can do. He was a fair weather husband. Ask for his reasons. If he is still rigid about his decision to leave, I would say ask for divorce and alimony for your daughter. But first, you both should try to sort things out. If he has lost all his feelings for you, there is nothing much you can do.

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    • Thank you for answering. Actually, the woman he is with lives with her mother, she has no job, she doesn't even have her own cell phone (not a bad thing, but even old people usually have one), so I don't know why he's with her. I've even seen their text messages ( I know, bad wife move, but I couldn't help it. Curiosity got the best of me). Anyway, all the messages are sexual. Nothing detailed, but like can't wait to see you, so we can have sex). We had a great sex life, always trying new things, etc. So, I just don't get it. And if he lost his feelings before he actually left, he sure was putting on a good show. My kids are freaking out, especially my daughter, as they are real close. She doesn't even want to give his new girl a chance. She hates her already. I even tried to convince her not to hate the new girl. She says the woman knows daddy is married and got with him anyway. So, you see, I'm hurting from heartbreak, but I'm also hurting for my kids.

    • I understand. The people who cheat... they cheat for various reasons. Maybe he is really enjoying sex with her at this point, but if he is leaving you for that stupid reason, I don't think he can actually stay in a stable relationship ever. When family falls apart, children obviously get affected a lot. In fact, they sometimes start hating relationships. Just try to keep a stable mindset of your daughter, okay? And just communicate to you husband. Sit and say, "I know nothing can be much done but answer just a few questions of mine, please, and then you are free to go wherever you wanna go."
      Then start asking questions, and try to figure out the solutions. If feelings are gone, nothing can be much done. Damage has already occurred. Maybe the pressure that he went through... like losing home and all... actually changed his mindset and finished all the lovey-dovey feelings. :/

  • I had the same problem. Look into the seven year inch. Men get tired of the routine. Tired of the marriage. When something new comes along they feel like they are unstoppable with that attention. So all of a sudden the men point out all the things wrong with u. It's very sad. And extremely hurtful. They they become so cold toward u. The tiny little fights begin to blow up. For the dumbest reasons. But think about this... u have a car. The car has problems... but has always been a good car... but a new car can bring more peace of mind... it's new... it's nice looking. Why not trade it in. That's how guys think. I'm sorry your going threw this. I'm still in my situation and it hurts.

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    • Yeah. I was thinking the same thing about the seven year thing. I guess we're all just messed up because it happened so suddenly, ya know? He seemed so happy with me. You know how I said he acts cold to me? Well, he does, but when I act cold toward him, he doesn't understand why. I'm not trying to be mean to him, but I figure I'll treat him like he treats me. And I feel like I have a right to be mad at him. He can't give me a good, solid answer at why this is happening. When I ask him why he's doing this, all he can say is "I don't know." And another thing that pisses me off is his girl has actually accused my daughter and I of lying about my daughter's situation just to keep him here. Well, first of all, we didn't even know he was seeing anyone when my daughter called him. And my daughter didn't ask him to come back, she just wanted to tell him what was going on. He chose to come here, because he is an excellent father. And the issue my daughter is having is not something to lie about

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