Delayed reaction after break up?

The guy I used to see hasn't talked to me for about a month now. We had an on and off relationship for about a year and a half and finally quit it after something surprisingly trivial. At the time I just thought it was so antoclimactic and ridiculous that I laughed it off, and I thought I was doing really well, and then last night I got thinking about him because our friends in common always seem to bring him up, and I just started crying and feeling really really miserable, and it was overwhelming because a whole month had already passed and I hadn't reacted so badly in all that time. I genuinely thought i was doing okay! It was so delayed and unexpected

Has this happened to anyone else? Is it even normal? Why does it happen? and how do you stop it? Its really weird and annoying :S


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think the delayed reaction happened to you because you didn't give yourself time to greive and let it all out from the crying part, feeling miserable part, etc. I think most people go through that phase during the breakup. Letting it all out allows us time to heal and move on. Don't get me wrong I think you did good moving on and being happy and forgetting about him. But notice when your friends kept bringing him up it struck a nerve and you couldn't hold it any longer. :( Next time tell your friends to try and not mention him around you. I think the mentioning part triggered memories and that made you think about him and get emotional. I think eventually you will get over him. Some people get over people faster then others. I think a month is way to soon to forget about an ex.

    • Thank you. This was really nice to read. Will definitely take your advice and have a chat to my friends. I think I just need total space and can't get it while they're constantly reminding me of him.

    • Thank you for selecting my answer as the best answer. And I am very glad you read what I wrote. Yeah that is good that you will talk to your friends about it because your right you do need space. I think you did very well up to that point. Some other ways that have helped me get over ex's is by keeping busy and keep moving forward. I exercised a lot, went to concerts, went out and di different things. Also music helped me a lot. Certain songs I felt were very soothing and helped me moved forward. But everybody does different things. Some people watch sad movies and eat ice cream and stuff like that. I think you will forget about him eventually. :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • It was a delayed reaction because your relationship was on and off. Therefore, when the initial break happened it was business as usual. A month later he still has not returned and it is suddenly dawning on your subconscious that this seems different. He probably won't return at all this time. The secret hope of familiarity for the past pattern has now dissipated. In essence the true breakup literally just happened.

    People love to talk. It is a bit unfair when others bring up the ex when you don't want to hear about them but experience says that most people want to talk about the ex themselves so people forget the social norms of keeping things separate.

    Give yourself time if you seriously want to get over this person. The grieving process is very important. You do not want to start carting tons of baggage around because of unresolved issues.

    Yes. This is all very normal.

    • Yeah, I think it took a while to hit me. It was so unhealthy, definitely don't want a tonne of baggage! Thank you.

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