Sexual Relationships
+1 y

My husbands massage therapist gives him hand jobs, what now?

I saw her text messages while my husband was in shower. And from what I have seen they have been doing this for very long time. I also found out she has a boyfriend and two kids. I never imagined this would happen. I definitely want to get back at her somehow. She hides the fact that she is a prostitute. I will also get a divorce. But what to do about her?
Updates:
+1 y
Had a talk with my husband. He tried to persuade me into staying as most cheaters do but I guess I will play with him for a while to make myself feel better. Thanks everyone for answers.
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • There is a serious disconnect between you and your husband.

    Let me ask you, WHY is he getting hand jobs from his masseuse? You sound like an angry, bitter, pissed off woman. No man wants to ask someone like that for sex. Can I venture out on a limb and say you don't often want to please him sexually? And if you do, you are just not "into" it?

    For a man, if you do not fully love him, desire him, want him, are desperate for him, then you might as well be a cold, dead fish laying there. Most men will look for a sexual release from someone/somewhere else.

    I feel like your angry attitude ("I knew it. He was cheating all along. Well F him! He can go rot for all I care!") is indicative of deeper issues and may be symptoms of you feeling like you are vindicated for having treated him poorly in the past, or even right now.

    My answer stems from the belief that if, for whatever reason, you are not satisfying him, he will seek satisfaction elsewhere. Sex is not optional for men. We can't just go days and weeks and months without it like women can.

    So my question is why do you suddenly feel like he is not worthy of your full, devoted affection? Your marriage oath was a lifetime bonding agreement to do just that.

    If he is being a philanderer when you are a good woman, that is another story.

    But your anger tells me there is something there.

    • I do what I can in bed. I never turn him down. He lied to me and got off with a prostitute behind my back without communicating with me. Don't you think I am being nice?

    • They seem to be good friends as well. It's my turn to have fun now.

    • Yes, I think you are exercising self control. "I do what I can" is different than "I love him more than life, I want him to be happy!" If you never turn him down, that is self sacrificial and I can say he does not appreciate what he has in you. That is very sad. It is also very common with men. They do not understand what a good thing they have at home. I would remind him of the same vows he took, to hold and HONOR you for the rest of his life.

    • Show All

  • You're sounding angry, very angry. And in the mood for revenge. I can understand that. It's terrible to feel cheated, let down, and ditched for someone else...

    However do try to understand a thing or two...

    How long have you been married? After the first 2-3 years, I've not got decent sex in ages. My partner is very unenthusiastic, won't let me kiss or fondle here... and will never initiate sex. I long for someone sleeping with someone who would make me feel more human. The only reason I don't do it is because of the mess it would create for the kids.

    Secondly, most guys need some kind of regular (sexual) release, and if they're not getting it from their partner/wife, they're going to look elsewhere. I've had a massage (in short pants, no shirt) with a lady overseas. And I can assure you it's so relaxing, that it's very easy for one to get tempted and "go a step further". For moral reasons, I started off by telling her, "Only massage please." (Code for: I've not come for sex.)

    Guys will convince themselves that a woman masturbating you isn't quite sex... (look at Clinton!)

    I'm not blaming you for what happened, far from it. But please see the wider context. A husband who's not getting the sex he wants/needs is going to stray. Sooner rather than later!

    • I never turn him down. He is selfish and will learn his lesson when I will leave him for a better man.

    • Just for me to understand -- (i) how often have you been married? (ii) how often (per week or month) did you have sex (iii) apart from not turning it down, did you initiate? Not trying to blame you, but these things do reflect...

    • PS: What makes you feel the "better man" won't find another masseur some 3-4 years down the line?

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • My dad has had young lovers, for years. It's really not all his fault. My mom is a career woman, leaving it up to him to do 90% of the work raising us (4 girls). He was always there, she was rarely.
    As a professor at a nice college, young girls make themselves available to him.
    I'm not really defending him, but our mom knows and seems to accept it.
    I guess my point is there are things far worse than infidelity. We think they love each other, but have grown apart. We also think it never would have happened had our mom been there for us, all of us.
    So my mom is willing to share some responsibility, just not enough to come home.

    An aside: so thoughtful is our dad, that when we got our periods, he bought each of us a beautiful real ruby ring, and took us out to a nice fancy dinner.
    Our dad is a lover, and he reached out when not enough was there for him.

    I am really really crying right now because he feels so guilty and we can't fix it.

    First make sure your man knows how much you care for him. Don't even consider revenge. You will not solve anything, or feel any better. If he is unresponsive, leave him for someone that cares for you.

    • I bet your mom has her own man. I am a careers woman as well and this is quite a sad story. How old are your parents?

    • I spent too much time on him already don't you think?

    • IDK! We don't think my mom has any lovers, and she is in a very public position. She just would never risk it. Our dad is lonely. He is just doing what we think most guys would do. We don't hate either one of them. My mom is 51 and my dad is 50. They met in grad school. I know this all sounds bad, but both our folks are really nice. They just kindof grew apart.

    • Show All

  • You cheated on him, he cheated on you so both are = so what are you looking for now? killing him xD after you divorce him he will forget you, he may feel pain at first but after weeks he will forget you, revenge? what kind of revenge you look for? you will be the one who pay for revenge in the end just move on and get divorce to easy to simple and go look for another man by the way a man who can find everything with his wife he would never cheat on her, man when he get married he look for a worm heart, love and caring and if you did give him all this more then focusing in your self he wouldn't cheat on you and from your answers and what you said I'm 99% sure you are arrogant women who think just in her self and care about her self sorry maybe am wrong but this is how I did read you.. and for the record men need who take care and gives them love unconditional... try to think why he did that and try to improve your self I don't blame you but am just saying men can never cheat just for cheating...

    • What did I say that makes me look arrogant? Men sometimes cheat because they want to. He didn't have a legit excuse when I spoke to him. He simply though it wasn't a big deal. He is selfish. I have nothing to improve on myself. You didn't seem to understand the question honey. I am not getting a divorce yet because I need a different man.

    • I know you don't getting divorce to get another man what I'm trying to say if he did ask forgiveness from you and he is really into it and he want to make thing better and it was his first time to cheat you so give it a chance don't trust him but try to make him change for you, you said he is selfish? you can change that, if you got kids you most think about them :/ just calm down and think, they said it easy to shout but it's hard to get the ballet back :3 you have one ballet think careful before you shot :)

    • Why should I take him back? He lied to me and got handjobs from prostitutes. I don't like him anymore. I will dump him when I will find a new man and take all his money. I have no kids sorry.

    • Show All

  • Don't get back at her, look down on her. Have some confidence and know that you're way better than her. Besides, she gets to keep the treacherous guy. If you'd really like to mess things up for him, I suggest you tell her he was your husband (she might've not known) that way you may ruin their relationship. You deserve a better man; it's his fault not hers. If he wanted to he would've asked her to back off.

    • She knew all along lol

    • Then let them be. I know it's hard not to care, but you just have to let this one go. Relax and do whatever makes you happy in life.

    • Why should I let this go? I am not a side dish. I can do whatever I want. I know I can hurt him really badly.

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

Related Questions

If you had the power to snap your fingers and make something happen instantly what would it be?
Why would any man believe a real raped victim is damaged goods?
Do most guys prefer being on top more?
Do you feel comfortable sleeping naked or with pjs?

What Girls & Guys Said

18 34

  • call the cops on her, report her... i myself am a professional massage therapist i went to school for a year and received certification from the california massage therapy counsel that does background checks fbi checks etc... report her to the massage therapy counsel of police... what she's doing is illegal , her certification will be revoked and she will be in big trouble... when you go to massage envy and burke williams , nobody is receiving handjobs, thats disgusting and she's not a massage therapist... please do not refer to her as one...

    • That's a bit drastic, and doesn't seem fair at all..

    • Thanks

    • oh go to hell , you must believe in prostitution. are a damn prostitue @shaenielson

    • Show All

  • Ok how long has it Ben since you found out? You are very angry right now and have every right to be. But I think you ought to understand that this is quite common for a massage therapist to do. It is a muscle and can help a guy relax a lot. This is not an excuse in any shape or form and if you are in a relationship any form of orgasm with another person is wrong unless consented to by a partner. I am sure you will find that if this woman does this sort of therapy for him she does it for other clients. My advice is to just give it a couple of days before you do anything. If you can manage to take my advice. I cannot begin to understand how angry you must be.

    • No, No, NO! This is NOT common for a massage therapist! A real massage therapist goes to school studying physiology, anatomy, etc., but also many signs of things to watch for to avoid massaging. In other words, knowing enough about the body to recognize when medical treatment, not a massage, is needed. They earn the title "massage therapist", and are certified, registered, and monitored. A real massage therapist has to be crazy to risk it with that behavior.

    • The penis is NOT a muscle. Human biology 101.

    • It was 4 days ago. Why should I wait? I will kick him out today, I can't live with him anymore. What if I will start providing this type of therapy to men?

    • Show All

  • I think you should exchange some words with her & make her feel bad for what she did, b/c she ruined a relationship. But i don't think you should ruin her life as well. Its not really her fault for your husband to allow her to do it. Just make her feel bad.

    • She ruined asker's life. I don't see why asker should spare that "therapist's". The husband didn't just "allow", he most likely asked her for the extra service. And it's not like it was done discretely one time, they've been exchanging texts! Hello? Both are guilty.

    • No, they are both at fault and I will make them pay.

    • @MaskedSanity Uh, it's not her fault? He payed her to give him a handjob, it really isn't her job, to make sure he is single. If she is short of money, then of course she isn't gonna ask questions, and just do her job. She is NOT to blame for this, he is. She didn't do anything wrong.

    • Show All

  • If you want to be vindictive, you could report her to the police. Prostitution is illegal in most places.

    Find a way to contact her boyfriend and forward him her texts and a copy of your divorce papers to solidify the fact that your husband has been getting it on with that hoe and that you're kicking your husband to the curb because of it.

    I've never been in such a situation, so I don't know what my reaction would be. I'd probably look for ways to expose and humiliate them for the sake of teaching them a lesson that scumbag people need to understand there will always be consequences for their actions. That is not to say I wouldn't get a kick out of exposing them.

    But it's up to you, really. A lot of people will tell you to be "better than this" and that revenge doesn't make you feel great.

    Does for me, heh.

  • refer a client to her that has pubic lice

    save all incriminating texts and expose her to her boss if she works at a spa. if she's independent and doesn't own her own spa/work from home, publicly embarrass her and put it on social media. show her boyfriend and forward it to her kids friends if they are in middle school or older

    create a website using her legal first and last name and put all the proof on it about her, so anytime a future employer or anyone googles her they see that she is a ho

    • hahahaha

  • Did he find this "massage therapist" on craigslist or something?

    I'd honestly just focus on the divorce. If he really cared he wouldn't have let that happen and woulda left on the spot. I'd personally put the responsibility on the husband.

  • Don't do anything, sweetie, although as you know, it takes Two to Tangle... She got her ol' hand caught in His cookie jar And is Not worth Getting your own sweet proof of the pudding Mixed up with. It will just be this slop after plop that will only get messier.
    Dumping him is the Best retaliation for His end and with Her playing tootsies with most likely every Tom, Dick and Harry that walks through her Port hole, she is Bound to Be 'Caught' in the end by her own other half and With This----Be given her walking papers, baggage and all.
    I always find from being as wise as I am, Karma stinks and people like her Get theirs Three fold 'in the end' game.
    Good luck, God bless, stand your ground... He's a cheat sheet and in more than Hot water to boot. xx

  • So she is a message therapist that is cheating on her boyfriend with your husband. Are you sure they haven't done more than just the massage with the happy end? Just because a woman works as a masseuse doesn't mean she would never cheat on her own boyfriend with a customer. There are many married people who meet others in their workfield and start an affair.

    Are you a 100% sure he paid her for the happy ending?

    • Yeah. He wouldn't risk me finding out. They seem very close though.

    • Honestly I think it's more than just a prostitute and a client. I think they have a lot more going on if they are texting each other for some time. Does she know he's married to you? Are you a 100% sure? Because men lie, I've been lied to as well so I know this out of experience. I of course immediately ended it and cursed his ass.

    • He knew that she has a boyfriend and kids so she probably knows about me as well. Yhey have been in contact for ages. I assume he wouldn't mind starting a relationship with her if I divorce him.

  • You should steer clear of her. She's probably got nothing to lose; such people are dangerous if they think you've hurt them.

  • Nobody is innocent here. He went for a massage the first time and got more than he expected. Things happen sometimes when a person is naked, especially when permission is granted to another person to touch, which illustrates the risk involved with such things. You (the wife) appear to be a bitch in your own right. I predict your marriage is doomed, even if he wasn't getting hand jobs from a masseuse.

  • Do you and your husband have children? If so, you may want to reconsider divorce or forget the revenge thing. Your children will have it bad enough just going through the divorce, they don't really need the drama that would come with your revenge (although your bastard husband does deserve it.)

    As for the divorce I say go for it honestly. You should tell her employer of her actions, and hopefully word will get around to her boyfriend, or you could find out who he is and tell him yourself.

    • Nice, thoughtful, comment. I so agree.

  • You could have her fired, arrested, or could just expose her on Shesahomewrecker. com. or you could find her and beat the shit out of her. Or cut off your husband's willy and use his blood to steep her tea. :)

    • oh my god, i can't believe you people are going to make me say this.. @Asker he did give her a 'tip', did he not?

    • I think so.

    • He more than likely did. I don't think they do it for free. Although, if she's texting him about it, maybe she likes him the most of all her clients.

  • Believe it or not that is part of the service in many reputable massage parlours and therapists. It sounds insane to think but happens. She's doing it for a little extra cash I don't believe there's any real pleasure in it for her. Getting back at her won't solve the problem, she definitely gives hand jobs to many of her customers and has no qualms about it. Your husband is very much to blame here, although I'm sure he has no feelings for her.

    • It is prostitution. This does not happen at legitimate business. She saw him naked and rubbed him all over. Don't try to convince me in not ending my relationship because you can't stop me from doing so.

    • He had the option to decline and go to a legitimate business but he choose a brothel. I know how these massages are carried out and they are not normal. It's all sexual. I can call the cops and get her arrested.

    • no its not im a massage therapist working for massage envy and theyll throw your ass in jail for that , its illegal theyll revoke your certification.

    • Show All

  • In yout other post www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1167322-my-husbands-massage-therapist-gives-him-hand-jobs-what-now you said it definitely meant divorce, she was such a terrible person for doing this, etc., etc. And the worst was how bad she was for doing it with married guys. And here you go, heading off down the same road.

    Your mind works in strange ways.

    • Well I thought about it.

    • I will be nice and give him a option

  • Don't know who this so-called massage therapist works for, but if it is a legitimate outfit, they will want to know. Also, whoever certifies massage therapists in your area would want to know. Beyond reporting her, you should really aim the hate at your husband. He is the one who had marital obligations to honor, not her. He is the one to get back at.

  • That makes her a "prostitute" not a "massage therapist"

    Don't be more mad at the girl than you are at your husband though, he's the bigger fuckup. You should tell her bf though if you know how. Hilarious.

    • He will get kicked out today and I will be having some fun.

  • Reminds me of the nympho dentist in Horrible Bosses, thats pretty serious though, but if this goes on in the workplace you can have her in legal trouble. Really sorry to hear that. That guy's in for a world of hurt very soon I can tell

    • What do you mean?

    • From what i've seen, women, do NOT let a man away with cheating on them, been on the receiving end of it once over a tiny mistake with another lady years ago (Long story) I'd be surprised if this guy survives the wrath you'll bring on him

  • You plan is to give guys handjobs as a job because your husband got a handjob? Are you hot enough to do that kind of work?

    • He has a massage therapist that rubs his dick and sees him nude, they are very good friends as well. Yes I am.

    • So whose dick will you massage?

    • Anyone's. Are you interested?

    • Show All

  • I would leave her alone. She doesn't mean anything personal by it. She's just trying to make a living. Your husband is really the one that has the issue. He broke trust the trust.

    • No she is pretending to be a massage therapist but she is a prostitute.

    • Well you can get them both into legal problems maybe. I personally wouldn't. Maybe break up with the guy.

    • I will use him for money and then dump him

  • Honestly. Don't you think you are making too big of a deal of it? I think it's safe to say that'S it's purely physical thing, not even sexual in it'S context. Handjob is a great end of massage, really awsome stress relieve. Stop being so uptight.

    • He got his dick fondled by a prostitute. Would you like it if your girlfriend would be masturbang men? I am not uptight.

  • Show More (32)

Latest Questions

Do you want to sleep on pussy?
What is something girl could do to make you hard instantly fully clothed?
How many of you are exhibitionist and had sex in library, or will do?
Is sex seen as the pinnacle of value in our society?
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > My husbands massage therapist gives him hand jobs, what now?