Please convince me not to invest any more time on her?

I met her when about 2 months ago, when she joined the company. I appraoched her and we started out as genuine friends. We both found each other attractive, and started teasing and flirting along the way. But she knew I am moving abraod soon and we tried not to escalate it.

However 2 weeks ago we went drinking and things got out of control. Later she confessed that she is in a long term relationship. After some thoughts I told her I don't want to play her games and stopped talking to her.

After 2 days of silence she apologised, told me I am in many aspect the best she's ever met and asked me not to cut her off. I told her I did not feel it. She said she was hlding back because I was leaving and she has a bf. All make sense and I really like her, but I still thought cutting off was the best thing to do.

Days ago she dropped a card and a gift at my doorstep. Details of the gift and card showed that she really wanted to put her message through, even though the card did not say much. I thank her; she texted back a smile and we stopped again.

Rationally I think I should keep it this way. But I really miss her and it is getting hard holding back from contacting her. Do you think I should cut her off, or should I keep her as a friend, risking getting more emotionally involved? Any input is welcome! Thank you for reading the whole stuff.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's pretty difficult for a man and a women who are physically attracted to each other and sharing common interest to stay that way long and things get awkward and sexual tension builds. I think you are doing the right thing cutting her off and she is showing bad character acting like this when she has a bf. You don't need any emotional drama. Focus on your current work and preparing to work and live abroad.

    • You are right. She threw me off balance and I get my focus back on the right things now. Your words are what I need. Thank you.

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What Girls Said 2

  • After all that you have gone through, cut her off for now, but leave a little room for her to come back to you. She might be having trouble getting out of her current relationship, so its only fair that you keep the doors open for a decent amount of time. In any case, accept her only if she's totally done with her current relationship,

    • Thank you for the comment. I have trouble understanding the open door concept. How do I keep the door open while cutting her off?

    • Show All
    • Ok I get it. You meant I should not contact her intensively but should let her know I will be there when she needs it and maybe contact her once in a while. Good advice. I will do it. Thank you.

      Btw, I am not mad at her; I just thought if I keep messing around I will only cause more emotional drama and it is bad for her. As a female did you think I was too harsh? I did so only to make sure she understands I do not want to get between her and her bf, and to push her far enough so that I won't weaken my stance. After all I do like her a lot. I want her to figure out her current relationship without being emotionally influenced by my involvement.

    • Actually, its tough for me to answer coz I would never have done something like that myself. When I'm in love with a guy, I only think of him and none else. So, I can't really opine on that.

      But I totally endorse what you are doing, that's the sanest thing for both of you.

  • Cut her off and show some respect to your fellow male who is in a relationship with her. What she does shows a lot about her character. Let her break it of first with her boyfriend if she really wants to be with you.

    Unless you only want to have sex with her. But again, I think it's very disrespectful towards her boyfriend if you are aware of her being in a relationship.

    Do not wait for her like some advice. Move on with your life and if she's lucky yo're still single when she finally breaks up (but don't count on it) and she will contact you.

    Don't let yourself be nr 2 if you can be another woman's nr 1 choice!

    • Hi July, thank you for strengthening my will to break away. It really helped a lot. And thank you for reminding me not to wait for her, although that was never my intention. What I meant in my response to the other comment is that I will let her know I will be there as a friend if she needs advice.

    • You're welcome ;) You're a cool guy, it's generous of you to offer your friendship. She needs to figure out for herself what she wants and if she's still happy in her relationship. But if she has character she will resolve this first before taking steps with another man, you in this case.

      Wish you all the best and enjoy the company of other women. If I sounded a bit harsh, my sincere appologies.

    • You were not harsh at all. I agree with you; getting involved with a woman in relationship is not a decent thing to do. That's why I tried to stop.

      Oh and thank you for the compliment and wishes :) very nice to meet you online; have a nice day!

What Guys Said 3

  • Don't chase her, find someone new, get your mind off her man. Go out and meet someone else who shares your interest etc..

  • Don't keep her as a friend, you don't want a friend. You want a girlfriend. If she's unwilling to break up, she's just using you for validation.

  • Ditch her, She's not worth your time.


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