Is she letting me down easy or truly scared about how fast things are moving?

So I've been dating this girl for just over a month. We met at a mutual friend's wedding and live 2 hours from each other. For the first 3 weeks we talked (texted) everyday all day and the conversations were great. We only get to see each other on weekends but when we do it's the entire weekend and at least at the beginning we both loved being with each other. 2 weeks ago suddenly something changed with her. Literally in a blink of an eye she became very distant in our texting conversations. She still ended up coming to visit me last weekend and things were ok, but not great. Then this past weekend I came to visit her and she was noticeably distant and it was obvious that she had something on her mind. I finally called her out and long story short she admitted to pulling back with me 2 weeks ago because she was scared she was getting attached and she wants to "just slow things down". To which I said I dont know how much slower you get since we only see each other 2 days a week!! She said over and over that I've been so great to her and I did nothing wrong and she doesn't want to hurt me. She claims her past relationship (2 years ago broke off engagement month before wedding) has been making her insecure and she said "she knows she's making the biggest mistake of her life" by letting me go. As much as I want to believe this is her being insecure it seems more like she just lost interest in me and she has been pulling back the last 2 weeks in an attempt to let me down easy? Thoughts? Also, am I an idiot for not agreeing to slow things down... I mean I do really like her but I told her I if slow is what the last 2 weeks were I can't do it.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's both, most likely. Things were going too fast for her, but she feels they were going too fast because she was losing interest or having second thoughts about it. You did the right thing. If you'd agreed to all of her changes or rules, she probably would've pulled back even more until it was nothing anyway. This way, she has a chance to miss you and perhaps change her mind.


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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • You need speed this train up. When girls say they want to slow down it means they really do not want you, or they are playing some stupid relationship game with you. Do not fall for this nonsense, don't start taking your partner into consideration of things until you guys are actually together. That way she has no misconceptions as to what you want. I know it probably sounds means but you have to ignore her when she starts talking this mumbo jumbo.

    • So you're saying move on or just pretend like this didn't happen?

    • I'm not telling you what to you should do, I'm just saying you should simplify this situation as soon as possible.

    • I get what you're saying. But in reference to your comment: "dont start taking your partner into consideration of things until you guys are actually together..."... how do you ever get into an exclusive relationship with someone unless someone eventually goes out on a limb and asks "what are we?"

  • ""just slow things down". is typically girl talk for trying to get away and let you down easy.

    • I agree that most of the time this is the case. But let's just for arguments sake say that it's genuine, that she is just having doubts and like she told me over and over "just doesn't know". If she was faking the hour long cry/sob session then she deserves an Oscar--so I know it's genuine that she is sad to see me go--which is why I'm having my doubts whether or not I should have just continued with the way things were or fight to get her back

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