Guys can u please tell me why my ex would do this? since its coming from a guy's perspective itll help, don't be ashamed to admit THE REAL REASON WHY?

so its been two months of breakup, we decided to stay friends, he was somewhat of an arrogant person, somewhat cold too. after the breakup I was the one chasing, not STALKING, just nicely trying to get us back and it didn't work, he seem ok and like nothing faced him, so I met someone else and moved ON, long story short he started texting me, and I don't reply at all, I use to, and now he keeos texting me, so I reply cus he said "I guess u don't care anymore" so he made me feel bad and I replied and he responded with " he has been down lately and that it was nice to hear from someone special once in a while" so my duty as " a caring ex" I reply asking if he was ok, he didn't respond not sure if he will BUT what is the meaning behind this? give me your sincere response... this is already causing me confusion with my current "date"


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Frankly, he's emotionally immature. He was happy when he was "winning" (i. e., when HE was the one in control of the post-breakup situation, when you were still chasing him and giving him attention, and were clearly still wanting to be with him), but once you stopped chasing him, he realized that you could be happy without him, and then he was no longer "winning." He had to face his real feelings - he might be okay with being broken up with you, but he's clearly not okay with being ALONE and "unwanted."

    So, he's trying to get you back "on the hook" with him, so that he can bolster his self-esteem and feel like he's still wanted by someone, even if he doesn't plan to get back together with you. It's his way of avoiding the pain of the breakup.

    YOUR job is to make a clean break from him. That means NO communication. Sure, you can send him a final email/text telling him that it's in both your best interest not to keep in touch, so that you can both move on, but after that, sever all ties with him and move on.

    And let this be a lesson: while you can absolutely remain CIVIL with an ex, in almost all cases, you CANNOT be *friends* with an ex. It just doesn't work, and you should always assume it won't. Yes, there is a rare exception, but in most cases, you won't be the exception. Learn to accept that when you break up with someone, your WHOLE relationship with them is OVER, forever, because that's the reality in the vast majority of cases (unless you have kids together or something).

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    • wow if I would ask for a more detailed answer I would consider myself challenged. and I have in the past told him that I didn't want no communication due to the fact I still loved him and he would chase me and I will ignore and he will still CHASE, and CHASE and once my attention was on him he would be vague with me, and reply once in a blue very short or end the convo with NO REPLY at all. I saw him on a dating site a month after our breakup so I snapped and forced myself to move on & I don't respond to his " whats up" or how have u been text, and he got all upset about me not replying so when I did, very short cut and dry he knows refers to me as " someone special" and he has been "down lately" .. which complete confused the crap out of me :-/

    • To simplify: he doesn't want a relationship with you, but he also doesn't want to be alone. In other words, he can't decide what his real priorities are, and isn't willing to sacrifice his freedom to satisfy his emotions.

      But, that's only hurting and confusing you, and for that reason, you need to end it completely and find someone who wants the same things you want. Learn a lesson from this: you don't have time or energy to spend on someone who isn't willing to give you what you want and need.

    • I agree, he never replied to me asking what was wrong with him, I guess you are right he wants to be chased. I did find someone who is keeping me busy, taking me out on nice dates helping me move into a new place, so I somewhat have moved on as u can say, I just got thrown off by his "text" he wants to fish and make me worry so that I chase him. I'm sure had he found someone by now. I would hear from him EVER !

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What Guys Said 4

  • Here is my take, you guys broke up and he didn't show much emotion? You were pretty close? He moved on quick? He moved on to avoid dealing with that emotion. At the time he probably thought moving on was the best option even if it hurt so he did it fast. Then when you moved on his emotions became too strong and now he is having that strong just after break up need to get back together. Give him time and just enough attention and make things clear that you have moved on if thats your choice. Slowly he will understand. I speak as having been the guy in this little rodeo.

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    • mmm I think if that was the actual case he would of voiced his opinion since he tends to speak up when he has to. after he said I was special and he has been down I asked what was wrong and he never reply my intake on this is that he needed to verify if I would bite the bait and asked what was wrong which I did, ( im not a c**nt ) he decided not to respond I think he wants me to chase and I wont...

  • He's using you and trying to get your attention. Then once he gets it, he'll go back to being the person you were unsatisfied with. My ex did the same shit. Everything they do is self-serving in order for them handle how insecure they are with themselves. He is a narcissist and I suggest you educate yourself on this because they can play with your head and ruin everything for you.

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  • He's feeling lonely and wants you to come rushing to his side. Don't fall for the trap.

    Even though he didn't know you moved on with another person, he could have simply sensed it since you weren't giving him any attention anymore. Either he sensed you're taken or he is now coming to the realization that you dating is a possibility since you're single (slightly different but similar).

    Either way, if he truly loved/wanted to be with you he would have vocalized that earlier. Even if he didn't immediately take you back when you asked he wouldn't have been skipping around on cloud nine, that's for sure. He probably would've said something like, "I need some time," or you would've observed SOME degree of uncertainty in his behavior as opposed to him acting like nothing fazed him.

    Lol.

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    • well said!!! and I agree.. it feel like candy land to get all this feed back from guys that can tell me exactly the deal, rather than me thinking " he's come to realization" so sad bla bla kind of shenanigans, I too think this is certainly him feeling lonely, and since I was the only one dancing in his parade now he wants top turn to me, when I already met someone... funny how the human brain works..

  • He doesn't like the thought of you dating another guy. Since you started dating again, all of a sudden he's texting? He's jealous.

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    • he doesn't know I am dating, I just stopped chasing him and replying half of second into his text, I just stopped paying attention to him, and he got all upset, and now tells me he has been down lately, and all of the sudden " is nice to hear from someone special"?

    • Ahh ok... well he's obviously had time to think about what he had with you. I'm sure to some degree he misses you and it's possible he wants you back. I would play it cool and not start to chase him. If you want him back let him do all the chasing. It's good that he thinks you've moved on. If he still likes you he will try to make it happen.

    • ;) aren't you a savvy one, I agree all I did was say " I hope all is ok, and to be polite I asked what was wrong".. he can take his time to reply or not at all I will keep moving forward, he does sounds like he is back to sniff on the old tree lol

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