How should I go about breaking up with my mentally ill girlfriend?

Im afraod of sounding horrible here but I've been seeing this girl for about 5 months now. She has an extensive history of anorexia, depression and is self-harming.

She was sexually assaulted 2 years ago by someone she was seeing and since then, I'm the only boy she's been comfortable exploring these things with. Recently she's been losing weight faster than I've ever heard of. She's incredibly volatile emotionally and because of this I can never seem to relax around her. I'm constantly on edge.

What doesn't help is the fact that a few weeks ago she lost 2kg in 7 days and her Dad told me to keep a close eye on her and to not let her out of my sight.

Her self harm and weight loss has been actively pushing me away as I really do love her but it hurts so much more every time she goes back on her word about talking it out with me instead of making drastic decisions.

I'm also pretty much her only support outside of her family she's got at the moment as she is convinced that no one in her school likes her, but I know that's not true.

This is all added to by the fact that I'm in my last year of school which in my country means the biggest exam of my life. I'm stretched so far as is but she still expects me to be so much and she gets upset when I'm not on top form. My grades are falling and I'm tired 24/7.

She once told me that if I were unhappy in the relationship to tell her, but that was when she was more stable.

All of my friends have noticed the amount of pressure I'm put under by her and her family and that I can't relax when I'm with her. Its sapping from my happiness and I want to leave the relationship but I truly have no idea how other than that for her sake I want to do it in person.

Help.


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31

Most Helpful Girl

  • you may just need a dose of counselling yourself to deal with these 'guilt' feelings and recommend her to do so as well.
    I've had a tough childhood so I don't get it really when girls go through anorexia... we never had enough money to put food on the table sometimes so I am grateful for what I have and had. I am a stronger person because of hardship and I have tried counselling for other things- when I was younger I was teased a lot for 'not being the most trendiest' in fashion in highschool etc or other shallow traits...

    basically you're taking on too much responsibility and if this relationship were to work out, be honest. she needs something else to stabilize her. there has to be balance. I believe if you each are happy on your own the relationship would be healthier. my bf at the beginning put a lot of stress on me, even though he didn't mean to because his parents kicked him out... if you can get her to see a counsellor or a doctor, a genuine friend etc, I hope that will be enough to help her so she isn't hurting you or taking away so much energy. good luck.

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    • She is seeing a doctor, 2 of them. And a counsellor

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Message me and I might help you.

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  • Just leave her, it's not your problem afterwards

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    • I feel bad enough leaving her, I don't want to do it in cold blood

    • If the relationship isn't good for you, or is damaging to your learning/wellbeing, then just leave. It's unfair on you

What Guys Said 1

  • Honestly, you should go to her family about this first. I'd speak with her father and explain how you feel and that you can't be with her anymore because it is detrimental to your life right now.
    After that, then speak with her and break up.
    You'll have to cut ties with her tho. Completely. You can't be friends or stop to check in on her for a long while. As in months.
    Whatever happens from there (it sounds cruel but) is not your problem anymore. She doesn't sound like she's controlling and that she'd try to use her mental problems to manipulate you. But you need to understand, after you break up. Whatever happens to her is not your problem.
    I'm not saying it's easy, but it's what you need to do.

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    • I don't think I could speak to her Dad about it, he needs me just as much as she does with means of support as so much of it has been placed on him. I could do one of her friends but her Dad? No

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    • Thank you

    • *nods*
      Goodluck brother man

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