How should I approach my ex boyfriend to get him to feel comfortable again? It is becoming difficult to get through to him?

I have 'officially' been broken up with my bf for just over two months (long-distance) , and he is very resisitant to reconnect with me (even by phone). I kind of pushed him to break up with me by nagging, accusing, and being a bitch basically. This started back in the spring time. When he failed to meet me and arrange our travel plans (after one year!), I pretty much lost my sanity. He wasn't even able to pay half the expenses even after I offered to go half! So angry till this day actually! He probably has more financial responsibility to his family than I know.

Anyway, my anger regarding this almost turned to hate. I try not to judge one's finances, but after A YEAR, I just snapped. This demeaning behaviour of mine led to him breaking up with me. I think I may have wanted that subconsciously at first, but after a few weeks I just wanted my best friend back. After the 'break up', I didn't contact him for a month (classic rule) . Well, he was still super angry and upset the second month and we just talked by phone once a week, which didn't go very well.

Now, into the third month, he will only text me until he is SURE I improved my behaviour because I behaved like a 'crazy psycho'. I am trying to convince him to talk by Skype, but he is so distant (not that I blame him because he likely has trust issues). He says to text about 'new topics' and yet he always brings uo boundaries and talks about 'going. with the flow'. Saying things should be natural; not artificial. So, he just contradicts his own words. Wth?

What's the male mind during this time like? What approach should I use to make him comfortable again? Constructive advice please!

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What Guys Said 1

  • Move on and find a new friend. Not the advice you want to hear, I know, but unfortunately it's probably best for you both. He's not going to trust you again. And even if he would be willing to, how long would it take? How many new men and friends could you meet in that time?

    And it isn't that he has "trust issues" -- it's that the trust he had given was broken. That's a completely separate phenomenon. Given how you treated him for as long a period as you did, can you blame him?
    Take this as a learning experience and as an example on how to improve your behavior.

    Hope that helps -- and have fun with your new friends ;)

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    • Cheers! I know you mean well, but it is easier said than done! I have plenty of 'friends' already, but it is not the same. I don't blame him for being distant, but sometimes, it is ridiculous to deal with his boundaries. He is the one that keeps mentioning that we are just 'friends', so I shouldn't have 'expectations' of talking regularly. But, to me, he is just trying to maintain the gap. I don't even mention gettinf back together n just want to talk/see him. in general. BUT, then he says something like 'two people in a relationship need mutual understanding' n now we are friends. I don't know how much more I can take! Don’t u think some of his comments are just a BS protective mechanism?

    • He keeps saying that I am talking about a relationship and feelings/emotions, when he is the one that keeps mentioning those things in conversation! Wth honestly? I just say I miss chatting n our communication, yet he brings up the rest as if I initiated. I don't know what his problem is! I don't even want to mention the emotional stuff this early on n then he keeps talking about what I did wrong n that only people who have interest can be together, but I am not even talking about those subjects! Why do u think he is doing that? Really need the male perspective. Thanks!

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