Was I wrong to have my ex arrested?

My ex is 19 and I'm 24. She confessed in tears that she kissed another guy at a college party due to losing a bet. She pleaded with me not to dump her. I called her a slut and dumped her. I have no regrets for what I said and I didn't feel sorry seeing her cry. However, at school today she was still very upset. She came up to me and slapped me extremely hard after yelling at me for awhile. I immediately pressed charges and she was arrested and is now sitting in jail for assault. Her parents are pissed off at me but I don't care. Was I right?


0|0
2626

Most Helpful Guy

  • you sure are right! she made a mistake and is angry with you, really... i think she has borderline as well if you ask me. keep an eye on her mate, she sounds crazy, keep a healthy distance!

    0|4
    2|1

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 26

  • Yep. Wish more people would do that. If you wanna slap someone around as an adult, you get to go to adult time out. Welcome to life.

    4|6
    1|1
  • I think it's fair. Though I do not agree with you calling her a slut, I also do not agree her laying a hand on you. Verbal abuse is bad, but physical abuse is what you can get arrested for. I think it was a smart move on your behalf because too many females go running around thinking it's ok to hit men. It isn't. Just like if the genders were reversed, you were the one who cheated, and you hit her, I would have the same opinion as well.
    But she was the one who laid a hand on you, I have seen abusive relationships, and people need to learn that it isn't tolerated, man or female. But again, I do not think it was right to call her a slut even if she did cheat. I know it's hard, but don't stoop to a cheater's level.

    1|3
    0|0
    • Maybe I was wrong to call her a slut, I was angry. But I never hit her. She hit me.

    • Show All
    • I dont really think it was wrong or immature. call it how you see it... if you're cheating on your man we have a term for that its called THOT. stop sugar coating it smh

    • @lillydon excuse me? Look at all my responses, go ahead and read my comments. You can see, I'm not the fucking candyman and I don't sugarcoat shit. I do have a foul mouth and cuss like a sailor. I know it isn't what people like to hear, but I was raised with tough love and that's what I deliver.
      BUT I do not use nor condone group specific derogatory terms. If a black person mistreats me, no I do not think it's right to call them a nigger. If a gay guy does something bad to me, no I will not call him a faggot. If a Latino tries to act up with me, no I will not call them a wetback, spic. If a woman ill treats me, I will not call her a bitch, whore, slut, THOT (thot is a dumbass word anyways and my IQ drops from hearing it used). Maybe I'll call people dumbasses or idiots.
      I do not care what people think, I do not use group specific insults. No nigger, spic, wetback, chink, honky, cracker, chink, bitch, whore, slut, thot, faggot, dyke, etc.

  • I agreed that u broke off with her sinxe she's at fault. I dont understand why these days girls like to hit guys even when they r not being assaulted. It is her fault. But do you need to call. police for that? Kinda of over react

    7|3
    0|1
  • You were right in having her arrested. It's assault, no matter what. It's not fair that men are oppressed for domestic violence when women can get away with slapping.

    However, the name calling is a bit childish, don't you think?

    5|6
    0|2
  • Ok. First of all, a slut is a person who goes around FUCKING a lot of people, not kissing one guy at one party. At least she was honest about it and told you right away and asked for your forgiveness. Your pride was hurt and you overreacted by calling her a slut over one fucking kiss. And, slapping you was wrong of her, because if you would've called me a slut over that minor shit, I would've broke your fucking jaw. What a little bitch you are.

    2|0
    0|1
  • It's scary how stupid the both of you are. It's so obvious you didn't give a fuck about her, she should have realized that, but instead she slapped you and you got your man card revoked. She was also called a slut by the guy she liked and arrested on grounds of assault. I really hope you don't go around bragging about this, because some dude may just kick your ass for her. Meh, life.

    4|4
    2|11
    • I think that's illegal.

    • Show All
    • No clearly you're the stupid one.

    • They were both wrong, and they both did stupid shit. I'm telling not to brag about it, because I don't feel like he needs to have his ass kicked. but whatever, don't care. by the way scorpio909 if you pull a gun on someone you best be willing to use it, because if you don't that's a great way to be beat within half an inch of your life.

  • I won't say you were wrong for having her arrested because of the assault. but you were wrong to call her a slut and dump her like that after she told you with honesty what she did. she could lie to you. the honesty itself is most valuable above anything in a relationship, and those kind of mistakes can take place for anybody. plus what gave you the right to call her a slut? if she's not even been or being with another man except you.
    you are immature, and should not seek a relationship with a girl.

    1|2
    0|2
    • She is a slut, sluts go around kissing other men as a dare

    • Show All
    • @StickStickity13

      cheating has a definition. she didn't sleep with another man, she wan't sexually or emotionally attracted to another man and acted upon it and lied about that to him. cheating is when there is a hidden relationship a second relationship that one follows with will against the will and knowledge of his partner.
      she was not cheating but making a mistake by being in a wrong situation that she could also refuse to be in. that is her mistake. But that mistake is not as huge as to be reacted to as the man did.

      as I said, it could be much less aggressive. even if there wanted to be ending of the relationship. it is something that has been done. but this reaction is only unacceptable. if everyone wanted to go and have such a reactions no relationships would remain long termed.

      I said, he only caused the reactions with immaturity.

    • So if a guy fucks a girl he has no emotional connection to that's acceptable? How on earth is this guy the aggressor? The girl cheated and attacked him? It's clear you have a bias for the girl. If the tables turned you would support the girl easily.

  • Noop... in fact how you are acting isn't very nice or fair at all... it sounds like your hurt her very much... did you ever think that maybe when she kissed that guy that it didn't actually mean anything at all?, it was a bet... get over it... but it doesn't mean she remotely fancied the guy so you blew it dude... yet you had to go all out jealous over what happened and take it this far as to get her arested and to try and ruin her life? for what? 1 little kiss? if you did this to her and don't even care you hurt her then you clearly never cared for her whatsoever... if you did you wouldn't of done that to her.. i think you should go to the police station and explain yourself.

    1|0
    1|7
    • So a guy can fuck another girl and as long as he did have any "feelings" it's ok?

    • Show All
    • Kissing is cheating. Stop defending her.

    • I think you are definitely another one of those trolls on here that make up stories for attention lol goodbye...

  • WHY ASK US IF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO SAY YOU WERE NOT IN THE WRONG?

    4|4
    0|1
    • I wasn't in the wrong. She was.

    • I did not say that you were. But you asked us if we thought you were wrong for it or not. But you are telling everyone that you are not wrong. So why even ask us?

  • I wanna say yes, you were. She was in the wrong. Yes she was upset, but that's no reason to put your hands on somebody. She caused the whole situation and she'll think twice next time.
    It's a better route than say, hitting her back.

    3|2
    2|0
    • agree. and some girls should learn not to be crazy in mind.

    • Show All
    • Exactly and that's the best approach.

    • i agree.. also, so that some girls will not get used to this kind of behavior thinking that just because she's a female it's not that bad to physically hurt a male :)

  • Wow. Yes it wasn't smart of her to kiss that guy, but I mean at least she didn't actually sleep with him she just kissed him-and it's not like she lied to you about it and you found out somehow, she told you soon after she kissed the guy rather than lie to you. Maybe she just gave him a quick peck on the cheek not a passionate lip-lock kiss or tongue-kiss. Calling her a slut was quite harsh though. Even if what she did was technically wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right.
    Though I don't know honestly about age difference relationships, because there tends to be imbalance of maturity and intellectual levels for both people involved in the age difference relationship.

    1|0
    0|1
  • If you don't care then why ask? Especially if you're just gonna argue?
    No you shouldn't have called her a slut. She shouldn't have slapped you.
    Both wrong.

    4|1
    0|1
    • Hows he wrong for callin a slut a slut.

    • Show All
    • Every action has a reaction and he called her out and she assaulted him. Its pretty straightforward.

    • @the_champ I don't excuse her actions.

  • You did right. She messes with another guy and still has the audacity to get mad at you (who did nothing) and slap you. That's not okay.

    2|3
    1|0
  • Arrested over a slap? Are you some sort of man-baby? I didn't even know slapping somebody was illegal. I guess it is technically physical assault but it's such a minor thing. How immature of you, you just wanted to get revenge because she hurt your little ego. Fucking hell man. Get a grip.

    2|3
    3|9
    • She cheated on him, dude. She definitely doesn't get to slap him.

    • Show All
    • Well... technically... that would be child abuse.

    • -_- technically. Yes. But my OPINION, which is what was asked, is that a smack is a minor thing and not worthy of police involvement. I stand by my opinion.

  • This chick is crazy. She cheated on you then has the nerve to attack u and be upset cause u dumped her for it. Wtf? She is in the wrong. Then she puts her hands on you wow sounds like she needs a little jail time to cool her off and teach her a lesson cuz she sounds crazy

    0|4
    2|1
    • Yet, I'm the asshole.

    • I think The ladies are justifying this one. If it had been a man that cheated on his girl then got upset and slapped her for dumping him it would be a different story. a man hitting a woman is wrong and a woman hitting a man is wrong. Also you could've hit her back i would say that would be The immature thing to do. But she needs to learn you can't go around hitting ppl.

  • Okay lets putbit this way if you were to go yell at her and slap her she would of done the same shit dude like nah thats fucken domestic violence i think

    1|5
    0|0
  • you're an asshole. bets are deep. and sometimes it can mean your life if something was seriously bet on. You should be grown enough to handle your business without the law. now you've possibly ruined her career because that goes on her record. what the actual fuck is your problem

    1|2
    0|5
    • Nothing. You do bad things, you do the time.

    • She deserves what happened. If a man did this NO one would feel sympathy for him.

  • You're a dick. She was being honest with you and you flipped out on her. You don't deserve her or someone as "shitty" as her (in your eyes). You deserve worse.

    2|2
    3|5
    • And a girl too. Can't you take a slap like a man? Good thing you broke up with her because she deserves way better.

      There's a line and you crossed it, on multiple counts as well.

    • She's the one with the assault record. She's the one who will be remembered as the psycho who slapped her ex in public. She will be the one who will be known as the girl who got arrested in front of our peers. She's got it worse, not me. She deserves it. Maybe now, she has learned her lesson to not put your hands on people.

  • You were right. She didn't need to put her hands on you when she was being the slut

    1|5
    3|1
  • Honestly I don't think so. You can't be a baby every time something like this happens. Your gonna get slapped more than once just like a guy is gonna slap a girls Ass more than once and they never press charges. You really over reacted and I'd look at you different in school and not like you. And the break up was over reaction too. It was a bet she didn't do it for her benefit.

    1|0
    4|9
    • 0 logic in this.

    • Show All
    • She brought on herself by putting her hands on me. You do bad things, there are consequences.

    • Yeah but she didn't murder you or beat the shit out of you. Lol.

  • She was definitely in the wrong but you also over reacted a bit in my opinion

    2|0
    0|2
    • Really? So if he slapped her? Would you be saying she over reacted?

    • Show All
    • lyla87 it's not about harm it's about humiliation n insult.

    • wouldn't him calling her a slut and making her cry if she trusted him enough to tell her and he "feels. no remorse wouldn't that count as humiliation and insult

  • Pussy move, sorry. Man up geez

    1|1
    3|7
    • If a man did this he would go to prison, she deserved this.

    • Show All
    • What does one built have to do with it? Assault is Assault regardless of gender

    • the ex gf is a pussy for cheating n trying to cover it up by slapping him. n it's doesn't matter if she was a big girl or a tiny girl slap is slap that too in front of everyone, it's a big insult n humiliation. she reacted as if he kissed a girl n is in the wrong. but here it's just the opposite.

  • What she did was wrong, but you really overreacted.

    0|0
    2|6
    • How did I overreact?

    • Show All
    • Well diamond it's good you don't get to decide.

    • Decide what? Why he's asking this on the internet just so he can get pissed at the people who say he overreacted?

  • why in the worl you arrested your ex?

    0|1
    1|6
    • She slapped the hell out of me. Was I supposed to let her get away with it?

  • I think you jumped the gun. If a guy slapped me I wouldn't have pressed charges.

    People get over emotional. It happens. If she slapped you, and then kept slapping you... maybe... but one slap? Nope.

    3|2
    0|2
    • One hard slap from a guy would leave bruises for weeks. Possibly worse damage

    • Show All
    • When people do bad things, the should be treated like they are bad people

    • @rjroy

      There's a lot of different levels of "bad."

  • I honestly think you over reacted. You shouldn't have called her a slut in the first place it was just a kiss she didn't fuck him. If you wouldn't have called her a slut she wouldn't have slapped you, and you wouldn't have called the cops on her.

    1|4
    2|5
    • She's a violent psycho for slapping someone over that.

    • Show All
    • when did I say her actions were acceptable? All I said that the chain reaction could have been avoided!!!

    • Anyways that's my opinion so peace out ✌️.

What Guys Said 25

  • First of all, she shouldn't have made that bet. Betting to kiss another guy while having a boyfriend is no-go. Her telling you the truth about it was mature of her, and the right thing to do. You breaking up with her about it doesn't seem wrong to me either; she never should have kissed another guy, let alone solely for losing a bet.

    Calling her a slut, I can imagine these words being thrown around at such a time and believe that a sincere apology wouldn't be out of place in case you decided to move forward with her.

    Her still being upset about it does seem to show that she does care for you and does feel very bad about it. The fact that she cried about it when telling you suggests that as well.

    Her slapping you wasn't right of her, but with all pent up emotions and stress I can see that happen as well. We are only human. I don't agree with pressing charges though, you don't want to put a girl in jail over something like that. Especially when it was mostly because she cared for you and was frustrated you dumped her after she told you the truth. I agree with your parents, you were her ex-boyfriend and it -was- in your main interest to take care for her. Even if she now no longer is, you should still be a gentleman about it. I don't believe this is something that goes away easily, she might have trouble with her record in the future. Relationships or breakups can turn messy, but unless she slapped your eye out I would suggest to try and work things out between the people involved without notifying the authorities.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Well, she's out of jail now. But I have no intention to speak to her ever again. After this semester is over, I hope I never see her again.

  • You should've just mailed her a letter full of anthrax.

    2|4
    0|1
  • While I wouldn't have done the same thing. You were well within your rights to do that. So yes, you were right. She has no right to put her hands on you. Especially after everything that happened. She obviously has trouble controlling herself.
    Her parents will side with her no matter what, so what they think really doesn't matter. Flip the roles around, you would be in jail and your parents mad at her for "instigating". Sucks that all this happened, but I hope that you'll be able to move on from all of it without too much trouble

    0|2
    0|0
    • Plus, if more girls go to jail for the night for hitting guys then female domestic dispute would go way down. I don't care how big she was, it's the principal of the thing.
      When someone does bad things. They should be treated like bad people.

    • Show All
    • They don't. They're just mad because I won't let a woman get away with anything.

    • Majority is with you dude. You're good

  • Don't you think you're being a little harsh? I do. You were being pretty harsh for dumping her in the first place. Then you were being harsh and vengeful for having her arrested. You want to potentially ruin her for the rest of her life because of somethings so trivial? That will be on her record FOREVER and can do serious harm. There are jobs she will never be able to get because of that. I understand why you don't like what she did, but come on!

    You asked if you were wrong. Hell yea you were wrong. Even if you drop the charges it will still be on her record. Good thing you dumped her though, she probably deserves better than you. You sound like a total judgmental control freak.

    1|2
    1|3
    • Let me tell you something. I loved this girl. That has gone out of the door. It will be on her record as a lesson. Don't hit people.

    • Show All
    • You are allowed to feel that. I also don't care how you feel. Do the crime, do the time. I didn't touch her, she hit me. Now she will face the consequences like an adult will.

    • You realize you're going to have to testify at court? How much is the time off work or school going to cost? Her lawyer is going to do his best to discredit you. If he's good he might tear you a new asshole.

      You'd better hope that your ex doesn't decide to play hardball like you did. What if she says that you've been abusing her or threatening her? It doesn't have to be true to cause problems. That's one problem with vengeance, it can be a never ending cycle.

      Drop the charges and walk away. Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you like who you are, if you like what you've become.

  • What OP is feeling is what I like to call the "blame period", the period when you start to question your actions and as yourself whether you were right or not - even if you clearly were. OP is just looking for validation.

    OP, I speak directly to you now, what you did was fair, you were (viciously) assaulted by your ex and you reported her - so what?

    I don't see why some people are making such a deal of it just because he's a man? If OP had slapped his GF back I bet a lot of you would have turned against him - same if he had slapped her first! You'd be calling for him to getting prosecuted!

    0|4
    1|0
    • What we're seeing is sexism in action. The mindset of "It's ok for a girl to hit a guy but it's not ok for guys to hit girls." is sexist. Nobody has the right to hit another except in self-defense and in this case it was wise of OP to not react that way.

    • Sexism, and double standards - something both sexes have to deal with, and always will.

    • I'm dealing with it to the max right now. The thing is if I hit her back, I'd be a woman beater and a pig. I never laid a hand on her.

  • Was it an over reaction on your part both to her kissing him and having her arrested? For the first, I think so, and for the second possibly. Was it ok for her to hit you? Not at all. Is jail time an acceptable punishment for something of this magnitude? Personally, I think not. Does she deserve to get off scotch free? I think not. If there was a lesser punishment, such as having her arrested for assault but do what you can to keep her out of jail and able to keep living a regular life albeit with a mark on her record, I would have advised you to go with that option. Assault is assault regardless of gender and it's never ok. But the repercussions of her being in jail will last far longer than any injury she could have ever given to you. Keep that in mind if there's a next time.

    1|1
    0|0
  • You were right and you were wrong on separate issues.

    First off, where you were wrong. When she mentioned kissing the other guy, you severely overreacted and acted like a complete fucking asshole. Own the fact that you acted like a complete fucking asshole and grow up--she did NOT deserve to be treated that way. And given your age difference, you should be completely understanding that she's at a very immature age (and frankly, so are you) and that she is going to make mistakes--a simple "do not ever do that again if you want to be with me" would have more than sufficed for a girl of her age. She came to you crying because she realized her mistake and was being honest and trying to make things right--she should have been commended and embraced by you. You'd be amazed at what developing a sense of forgiveness can do for your life, and I highly recommend you start developing it, for you own good.

    Where you were right was to get the police involved when she hit you and yelled at you. Domestic abuse is never acceptable, period, from men or women. She completely crossed the line there. If you intend to follow through with the charges, that's your right--despite how poorly you treated her.

    Now if I were in your situation (and this isn't judgement, as I said, you are well within your rights to press charges), I would have the charges dropped. Not because she's a girl (that doesn't matter in domestic abuse), but for this reason only: to learn to develop that sense of forgiveness. You both acted extremely immaturely (her more than you--you aren't the one in jail right now), but what will benefit your life more--sticking it to a young, immature girl "just to show women they can't just do whatever they want," or developing your compassion and capacity for forgiveness? You're within your rights either way. But give it some thought.

    1|1
    1|0
  • You did the right thing. Violence is not the answer. 40% of all domestic violence cases are from men who are abused by women. Honestly, if a girl slapped me... I'd arm bar her ass.

    0|7
    1|0
    • Women think they can do what they want. I made sure she didn't get away with this.

    • Show All
    • She can talk, have sex, and kiss all the guys she wants. It won't bother me. She's an ex for a reason.

    • That's good. Just put it behind you. DO NOT EVER take the route she took. No matter how much trouble she may cause you in the future.

  • Calling her a slut was out of line.

    3|3
    0|0
  • Really dude, you are an ass. first it was only a kiss and from a bet to it isn't like she like she went to bed with him, so you deserved to be slapped. second did you really have to call the cops, that's kind of a bitch move man.

    2|3
    2|7
    • Well, she's in jail. She has a record now. It'll teach her a lesson to not put her damn hands on me anymore. I could care less what you or anyone else thinks of it.

    • Show All
    • No, but I'm a dude who isn't gonna let a woman get away with anything. That's who I am.

    • Doesn't sound like it, sounds like your mad that she emasculated you, probably in front of your friends to.

  • This bitch deserved it good for you

    0|3
    1|0
    • She won't do it again. I don't care if it's a man or woman. You hit me, I'll have you arrested.

    • She learned a valuable lesson.

  • This story is on drugs.

    1|1
    0|0
    • I'm on drugs reading these comments that say I'm the bad guy even though I never laid a hand on her.

  • Dude you did good. Don't lesson to the people who say you should have pressed charges or to drop the charges. They are idiots. They are the kind of people who would be defending the girl if the roles were reversed.

    0|3
    1|1
    • @mutedaisy I am. Also it doesn't matter if you're arm or not if you come at me to try and harm be I'm allowed to defend myself. And I shot to kill.

  • Really? You had her arrested for slapping you? You sound like a total bitch, and I'm sure a lot of other guys would think so. And it sounds like you're having regrets for reacting in such an unmanly way.

    2|1
    0|4
    • No actually if you read the comment most guy like me agree with what he did.

    • Part of me is regretting it. But if I bail her out she won't learn anything. She'd probably do it again.

    • Dude don't bail her out or drop the charges. What you feeling now is simply you questioning your own choice. People do that after a big choice.

  • Yas u were right about it. What kinda gurl would do such thingwith another guy when she know she's alrdy in aother man's possession. Silly gurls like dat dont deserve sumone is loyal, luvin' and caring person. U were right to dump her azz tbh but i know how u feel when u reported her. I know the feeling x)

    0|1
    1|0
    • Has this happened to you?

  • If this was done out of spite and anger it was wrong. If it was done because she seriously hurt you and made you feel threatened it was right.

    2|1
    0|0
  • Yes you did the right thing. I'm sick of this notion how girls and women can't do bodily harm to someone what a bunch of bull. I bet her parents would be singing a different tune if you were the accuser.

    0|1
    1|0
    • Exactly! Double standards everywhere on this post.

    • Exactly if the roles where reverse the tune would be different.

  • I reckon you wee wrong, in more ways than one.
    She lost a bet, and didn't back out of it. So what? It may have been a foolish bet to make, but she didn't fulfill her end of the deal because looked forward to it or enjoyed it.
    There's a word for people who call the cops, when they can sort things out themselves. Around here they call them a "dog". I'd probably whack you too, just for doing that.

    1|0
    1|5
    • And I'd have you locked up for assault.

    • Show All
    • @Asker , maybe it's a cultural difference. We have a very strong anti-police culture in this country. There's some justification for that.
      Yes, I'd whack you, and yes doing time wouldn't worry me. You'd become a very unpopular boy.

    • You think I care? I don't care about being unpopular.

  • Nah, if she attacked you then she deserved to get arrested.

    0|2
    1|0
  • Nope, you were wrong to get her arrested over a slap.

    2|1
    0|2
  • I think you should be nice and drop the charges and in turn she should apologize.

    1|0
    1|4
    • I'm not dropping the charges. I don't want an apology from her. Let her stay in jail. Her mom and dad will get her tommorow.

    • Do as you wish, but forgiveness is seldom wasted.

  • I think you should have given her a second chance man.

    0|0
    0|0
    • While you can read my post in this thread for my general thoughts on the situation, either of them giving the other another chance is not healthy, best to move on from one another entirely.

  • If you can do the crime you can do the time. And hopefully we all know why jail is called "da pokey".

    0|4
    1|1
  • Ok, I can get where you're coming from but the name calling wasn't necessary regardless of your anger and as far as the charges, that is up to you.. What she did was wrong though on both terms.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I wouldve ray riced her. You did the right thing

    0|2
    2|1
Loading... ;