How do I keep the No Contact rule if he doesn't?

Ok. So we broke up and I'm trying to do the no contact rule because I want him to miss me and reconsider the relationship. I don't call or text him for any reason. So, I'm really trying to do this. But, how do I do this if he's coming by every day to see our kids? I try to distract myself by cleaning or something while he's there, but he comes into wherever I'm at and talks to me. It's just basic convo, but still, I'm trying to keep a distance between us for the no contact rule. How can he miss me if he sees and talks to me everyday? Help please.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Hmm. Does he live with you? Why is it that he has access to you and your kids everyday (did you have them with him)? If you aren't living together, you can deny him access to both you and your kids--but the fact that you aren't tells me you don't want to deny him that.

    Also, the point of the no contact rule is NOT to manipulate your ex back into a relationship--it is to get over your ex and prepare yourself for life without him. However, as you are finding out, it is not terribly practical when you have kids together--it really is more useful for people who are single with no kids.

    So you have a couple choices.

    If you want to do no contact (because you are really intending to go your separate ways), in so far as it possible given your situation, you can tell him he can have the kids (without you being present) for X hours once or twice a week. When you exchange the children, do not do it at your residence--do it at, say, a parking lot, police station, etc--and you aren't allowed to say anything to him except what time you expect to have the children back. No conversation of any kind. Say nothing.

    Another option is to tell him that you want him to have a good relationship with the kids, but that you need time to adjust to the new situation. Tell him he can only visit the kids once or twice a week, with the same restrictions as above, except you make it clear that when you are able to handle the relationship with him without wanting what you once had, you can begin speaking to each other again.

    The last I have space for is a toughie. The last option is the two of you sitting down, working out your differences and getting back together. It seems you actually want to get back with him, so why play games like fake no contact? Be straight with him and tell him how you feel. But prepared that it may not work. Also be prepared that this may not be the healthiest option--you two broke up for a reason, right?

    Hope that helps.


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