I found out my boyfriend has been chatting up other girls, help I am very confused?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for around a month, we have a good relationship. Well we did.
I found out last night that he has loads of girls numbers on his phone, I wasn't looking - he mentioned it to me. I tried to ask why he has them if he doesn't talk to them, and he just looked shifty. So I asked would he delete them? He said he wants tokeep a couple of girls numbers, so I said, why if you don't speak to them?
At this point I was very confused. Until he finally confessed. That him and his friend at work have a bet where they chat up as many girls as possible and exchange numbers to try and beat eachother, so far he is winning apparently. So I said what happens if your friend gets more? Then he was like I will chat up more girls to get their number.
I was literally stunned
I just think its wrong to play this sort of thing while he is with me.. I don't know. I know its not cheating but to me its disrespectful. He didn't even tell them about me, apparently he just ignores them.. but it just gets me how he goes to work and says how much he misses me and stuff but he's chatting up other girs? I don't know.

I don't know what to do..
I feel very confused

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Most Helpful Guy

  • So? as far as he is friends with them, how does it matter? he is just talking to them and i think that's normal!
    Will you stop talking to you're guy friends just coz ur in a relationship? they are just having conversations and being social.. about the bet, i think this is a little wrong thing to go for but they are just being more social.. i was in a relationship and i had a girl who was my best friend at that time.. she still is my best friend.. i don't think you should worry so much.. it'll just lead to broken hearts, being over possessive and might lead to giving up the relationship.. just be cool and calm.. he isn't cheating on you.. and not everyone like to publish it like a news that they are in relationship.. they say it to few people whom they know very well.. everything is normal.. just stay calm and happy and moreover have trust in your partner..
    (sorry if anything sounded harsh, and hope i answered your point)

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    • No. They aren't his friends.
      He is chatting up random girls, like you would if you are single then asking for their numbers.

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    • I already told him, and he was so against deleting the numbers and stuff, that's why im upset about it

    • i think you should let this thing go.. as far as the stuff isn't affecting the relationship stop being worried about it.. see there is always a point in relationship where one of them have to compromise or things start worsening leading to situations you wish shouldn't have happened.. now its your turn to decide that whether you let this stiff go and stop worrying about it or you choose the other path which would be to move on in life but without this guy.. choice is yours.. take some time, think and decide that where do you want to take this relationship to..!

Most Helpful Girl

  • While playing a little "Game" on the job with a friend, on the other "Swift" hand, he is also "Playing games" with you and your heart by even Admitting That-----He said he wants to keep a couple of girls numbers...
    It's not only "Disrespectful" but in essence it Is "Cheating," for it doesn't have to Be between the sheets to prove that it is, but His actions on his end by pushing a button Speaks Volumes that it just Might---End up in between the sheets at one time or another by having "Loads of girls numbers on his phone." He is Cheating you as well, is also on my list of Not Fair. I don't trust the situation or Far it might actually go or end up.
    By seeing and hearing all of this and being you are in this New relationship, after a Month you have seen a bit of his other side and just May now have His Number.
    Do some soul searching, some more Investigating, for with Time and anymore Slip ups will be the dealbreaker that you may not want to Invest any More time with this "Raw deal."
    Good luck. xx

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What Guys Said 6

  • You're right it's not cheating but it is disrespectful and what's more he doesn't even consider your feelings on the matter.

    It's alright to play these types of games when you're single, but it's not acceptable in a relationship and I wouldn't tolerate it if I was you.

    This relationship is a month old and already you're facing a massive problem with disrespect. I'd ditch him and find someone who isn't disrespectful of you and the relationship.

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  • You don't get it, he just told you that you are just a number and will be traded once something better comes around.

    Possibly you are the only one that thinks he is your boyfriend. The problem with women is they need a guy or someone and this need is why you don't see the truth.

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    • Fair enough. Thank you.

  • I'll wager this 'bet' he has going with his work friend is a lie. It's what he said at the time to keep the numbers. I dont get why he even mentioned it in the first place - unless he is looking to drive a wedge between you as a way out of this relationship (?).

    Depending on opinion - I personally dont think there is anything wrong with 'simple harmless flirting' as long as that is all it is. How well this is received depends on the outlook of the partner and how stable the relationship is. It *can* be fun and harmless. In your case, if you feel this is unacceptable, then he should stop.
    Did you ask him.. "Is it OK if I flirt with guys at work?"
    If not, maybe you should. It might give him an idea of what you are feeling.

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    • I did say to him if the tables were turned, would you be okay with it? He said he wouldn't care because im not kissing anyone.
      I felt like he gave that answer to justify himself.

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    • Whatever u think will work.
      Ur aim now, is to find out where u stand in this relationship. Until you know, for sure, that this relationship is good for you, you need to put urself first and do what u need to do.
      Sometimes, you have to be cruel, to be kind!

    • Fair enough. I think im just going to take a step back

  • This is narcissism and nothing more. He wants to have something to fall back on and/or give him more attention. I can almost guarantee you that this will not change. They use things like this to inflate their ego. I would advise leaving this relationship before the real shit hits the fan. This is only a glimpse of what he is capable of doing to you, the manipulation will certainly continue. This isn't being loyal to you or giving you the security you need in a relationship. Find someone who isn't a insecure moron because deep down, that's what he is. Or you can use his games against him but I wouldn't advise that.

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  • You should be. If you don't like what he's doing tell him to stop.

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  • How would you feel, if he were to do that to you. "hey babe, can you delete every single guys number in your phone, whether you talk to them or not". You wouldn't like that very much, would you?

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What Girls Said 3

  • He sounds immature !! Tell him he either deletes these numbers or its over

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  • I won't say anything, as you both are wrong.

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  • Dump him! It's unacceptable to do that and I think he's being disrespectful towards you

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