How do you forgive your soulmate after they cheated?

This is kind of personal question but both sides of my heart are arguing back and forth over this topic.

Long story short, My girlfriend was under the assumption I've been cheating on her occasionally when I haven't and even if i tried, i couldn't go through with it. So a couple of days ago, she got drunk and gave a bj to some guy. I found out by her accidently texting the details of the night with excitement that was supposed to go to her friend but it went to me instead, When i confronted her about, she lied and said it was her friend borrowing her friend than eventually she admitted it was herself.

I felt so hurt and i did snap at her, she was litterally the center of my life, I used to rush home on purpose to talk to her after work, almost everyday. It brought such happiness to my soul being with her but now and I know she felt the same exact way for me. Now I feel confused. I only want her, so what now? is there hope for us?

If you were in my shoes, Be honest, what would you do?
  • Move on without her.
    Vote A
  • Forgive and slowly work on fixing it.
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Side note: We were together for almost 3 years and I've always trusted her to be loyal since day one, besides that day, she's always been loyal till the past monday.
Let me add in some information that obviously left out. Its debatable if its cheating or not but I'm not going to deny. Long story short, A girl kept flirting with me to swap pictures and I did. She insisted on us meeting up to hook up and I didn't
We talked things over and we are giving it another chance, it's difficult not to think about it but I can't and she doesn't want to either but we are trying. Thanks for helping me, it means a lot to me.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is a tough one. It's hard to give up on someone that you invested your time and effort into making it work with. I have an idea how you feel, I couldn't vote either one it's more complicated than that I think. You need to do some self searching. Here's the thing. If she believed so much that you were cheating when you were not, to the point that she allows herself to be unfaithful, what's to stop her from thinking you're cheating again and doing it again? You need to talk to her, she needs to understand the level of hurt and betrayal she has done to you and that it will take time for you to forgive and she needs to get help for those insecurities. On the other hand you need to ask yourself some questions... you already planned your lives and you're looking forward to it with her and you want to stay but can you honestly forgive her and not hold that grudge against her for the rest of your lives? Because if you can't wholeheartedly forgive it will haunt your decisions, the way you communicate and the entire relationship. At the same time, if you leave her do you think you can be happy again and happier with someone else? Obviously you'll be scarred for a while before you move on even if you're not together... Will it be worth it to you? Will she always be trying to prove she is sorry and you will never understand? So you need to speak to her, have a heart to heart hear what she says, try not to fly off the handle, ask everything you need to ask eg. Who is the guy, if you know him, if she's still in contact with him, if she's done it before, would she have told you if she didn't make the text mistake? Then think long and hard about which scenario you have more potential happiness in... being with her a year from now, or being with someone new that's supposedly faithful next year from now/ being by yourself and focusing on making yourself happy next year from now. If she seems genuinely sorry rather than self righteous, there's a better chance of working it out.

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    • I really hope this helped. I'm rooting for ya, good luck my friend!

    • i forgave her as a friend and as a person but I don't know if i can trust again relationship wise..

    • Well that decision will take time. If she's serious she'll wait and hope that you can forgive... If she moves along you'll know she really wasn't the one for you. And yes it makes it hard to trust her and women in general after that happened to you but rather than become bitter and judgmental to her/ other potential women you might be with, learn from this and be more cautious with the choices you make. When my bf was unfaithful I spent 3 years afterward with it haunting me because I didn't know how to get rid of the thoughts and the how could you's and the walking on eggshells. So I learned lots and that's how I have an inkling as to how you feel.

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What Girls Said 6

  • If you feel like you can't trust her, then its not fair on either of you to continue right now. I was cheated on too and I forgave him as a person and as my friend, but the trust is not there anymore. For me, I don't want to have to feel like I have to watch my back with someone who I should feel secure with. I don't want to have to worry about ifs or maybes of this girl or that, especially since that's not like me at all. Being in a relationship involves a lot of trust, respect as well as consideration. She did not respect you enough to tell you the truth. My Ex did the same, except in my case, it took him 5 months to tell me. You should also have some consideration for your partner previously about the photos. It might not have meant anything but if you knew it was going to make her feel sad or insecure then it would have been better not to.
    It hurts to feel so insecure about someone you feel the world about, and I say that in regards majorly to how she broke your trust, but also to how you handled the flirtation that another girl gave you.

    Give yourself time by yourself. If she cares about you, she'll understand that you need some time to think, and if she loves you like "the one", she'll wait for you. You need to be ready for the decision you make, and when your heart is ready enough for you, then have a talk to her about everything with both of you willing to be open and honest. Are you willing to be patient with her and yourself in order to regain the trust you used to have? Are you sure she's willing to put that effort in? Will this effect your perception of yourself and your self-esteem (will this not effect your confidence?) The biggest thing to ask is what is going to make you the happiest in the long run in a relationship and with yourself. There's no point going back with her if its going to ultimately hurt you, because that pain while still in constant contact with her, can turn into bitterness, and I don't think anyone wants to become bitter.

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    • That is my honest opinion, but I know it can hurt like hell. Good luck and I hope you end up with the outcome that is best for you.

  • You did cheat on her and without her knowing that she did cheat on you by accident so both of you are = just forget and move on try to fix thing don't forget u did cheat too first..

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    • and you are?

    • Show All
    • Are you mentally deficient? Your Grammercy is so bad I can't really decipher what you are trying to say. This guy DID NOT cheat on his girl. She's sucked some other dudes cock and bragged about it to some dumb slut freind of hers. He should shitcan that cum guzzling cunt as soon as possible. Fucking whores.

    • @malakkaman did I asked you to give me some lessons in reading and writing? No so don't come here and start showing me how to read or talk it's not your business it's not your question so fake off..

      @Aske if u didn't cheat on her so what do you mean by : Long story short, My girlfriend was under the assumption I've been cheating on her occasionally when I haven't and even if i tried, i couldn't go through with it.

  • I would never be able to bring myself to forgive someone who betrayed me
    Yes time would heal the pain but the experience would always be with me forever...

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  • She isn't ur soulmate then

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  • The only thing that seems to ruin the chance of forgiving her act is her "excitement" over what she did when she texted her friend. As humans, we all make mistakes, yet, when mistakes are not followed by remorse and guilt then probably they are barely "mistakes".

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  • Wait I'm confused... some people are saying that you cheated on her, too, but I don't see where it says that? I thought it said that you didn't, but she thought you were?

    Either way, I think it's best to end things. I know it feels like you love her, and maybe you do, but she most definitely does not love you. Cheating is one of the most disrespectful and humiliating things you can do, and yet she still tried to hide it. You will not be able to trust her again.
    However, if you cheated and she cheated, well... then yeah. Same concept for both of you.

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What Guys Said 5

  • The fact that she was excited by having another man's penis in her mouth after the fact should put an end to your doubts about how to handle this. If she was crying about how she was so remorseful then possibly consider it. She got off on having another mans cock in he mouth, she enjoyed doing it and will do it again! I know it's hard but you should move on IMHO.

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    • He cheated on her first I don't understand how do you guys think , if you cheat it's ok if we do the same we are b** and sluts..

    • @Hajar_whitestone I dont understand how you think! Where does it say he cheated? It says he exchanged pictures - thats not cheating! What she did surely is. You can bet ur life his girlfriend swallowed, but i'm sure as hell a girl in a picture can't cum in his mouth.
      Bit different, sweetie ;)

    • Long story short, My girlfriend was under the assumption I've been cheating on her occasionally when I haven't and even if i tried

  • "My girlfriend was under the assumption I've been cheating on her occasionally when I haven't and even if i tried, i couldn't go through with it."

    If she knows this, it is time to ask her the question: "Well, dear, did you learn anything?"

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  • How to forgive is a difficult question! Normally it helps me to realize I am perfec t neither but in this case it's of course a bit different.

    It seems you still want to be with her and want to forgive her, that's the first step to forgiveness I think. Forgiveness is further a process so don't rush anything... trust has to be build again

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  • I wouldn't forgive her. I would dump her.

    There are literally billions of women out there. So there's no reason to think that she is the only one for you.

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  • i don't have one but if i had i'd not care if she cheated... why should i care?

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