I need an ending for this long-term love story?

Ladies and gentlemen I need your advice but first let me give you some background. I'm in my mid-twenties. I dated this girl for 3.5 years and as with all relationships it had its ups and downs but we loved each other more than anything. Eventually, we decided to go to different colleges but continued dating. I had always been pretty straight laced but she got into the party scene when she turned 21. Things went downhill from there. One night she became very drunk and kissed some guy she had met. She apologized and I forgave her on a promise that it was a simple drunken mistake. The next weekend, she and her family were supposed to come down to the first vocal concert of my junior year. Her family made it but she wasn't answering any of our calls. Finally, ten minutes before the concert began she called me. She told me she had gotten really drunk and slept with a guy the night before. She was too ashamed of herself to come tell me in person and I broke it off with her over the phone, later explaining to her family why she couldn't be there. Needless to say, it was really hard to sing that day. About a week later she wanted to talk to me but all I could do was swear at her. Eventually she gave up and started dating another guy who looked exactly like me (I know because her family and I stayed close). A year later she wanted to talk but I was still less than cordial about it. Two years passed and we met by happenstance. It was like seeing a ghost. For some reason I wanted to hug her and let it all blow over but I didn't. I gave no inclination that I was interested. After that, she gave up. I have thought about her every day since I broke up with her, loving her but not being able to forgive her. I have even compared every other girl I dated to her but none seem up to par. It's been four years since we broke up and I still can't figure out why I have feelings for her, why I can't forgive her, and what I should do about the situation.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well we all make dumb mistakes at that age and we turn into bad people when we are drunk. Dude I think you should date again, if you guys love each other this much why are you letting a few mistakes she had made at a confusing part of her life keep you from this otherwise great woman. Its not okay that she did it but I'd forgive her after all these years, I mean she's surely learned her lesson and now knows what a terrible thing she did to you. Man I hope you give her a chance after all these years to redeem herself

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What Girls Said 1

  • Well there's two things you can do. Either just take the feelings as they are, or try to go back to her. Sometimes trying to go back to someone makes it so you get over them. I had the problem when I was younger.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Send her this question and write something like "I think we both messed up. If you are willing to forgive me for being so harsh and leaving you hanging for so long and want to maybe get a cup of coffee and catch up some time. Then I forgive you." If she doesn't go for it then go find another girl.

    OR

    You could get her parents talk to her some time about how you feel.

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    • Actually reword the note so that it is less harsh on her. You want to tell the story but try to put her in as positive a light as possible and emphasize more areas where you were an idiot as well.

      If you go with the parent option, make sure that she actually listens to her parents and has a very close relationship and respects their opinion. If she is still rebellious or doesn't follow these suits it could result in her just thinking that you are an idiot or a coward or she might be less likely if she doesn't respect their opinion a lot and feel really close as she will not want to go after the guys her parents want for her

      I don't know good luck

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