Ex emailed me last night. I'd like some perspective on what to do, and what she might be thinking?

Been broken up with my off again on again of 6 years a few months ago. Our last conversation went horribly and I didn't expect to hear from her again. I rejoined social networking a few weeks ago, and before I blocked her, she was ranting off about dating and meeting men, which is fine. I'm not her man anymore so I'm not concerned about that.
So last night, I got an email from her that said "I miss you." Naturally I was honest and told her that I missed her too (more from a friend standpoint than anything else to be honest. We were close.) I get a second one that says "Can we be friends?" And this was my response- " yes we can, but we'd have to talk about it. If you're not ready for that I'll understand."
That was last night, and I haven't heard anything back.
What's the deal? Maybe she was being honest, maybe scared, maybe drunk? Hell if I know. What do you think?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmmm... It's difficult to say, however I'm sure she does still have feelings for you and that she does miss you. That part I believe to be honest. What does your gut say? Is she the type to get drunk and be brave or lacks a filter or is more truthful when she does? If so, she probably was drunk. Whether she was drunk or not, I still think she was being honest with you. The question is, even if it is the truth, would she tell you in the first place? Is she normally open and honest with you? You know her behavior better than any of us... even if you don't know the exact scenario or context, I'm going to keep saying it, but she's being honest with you.

    It wouldn't surprise me if she did get scared by your response. She may want you back but isn't saying so right now.

    My advice: you can either let your curiosity get the best of you and follow-up with another question (like: did my response bother you?), OR you can just wait it out and let her respond. My honest advice is to wait on her and seriously ask yourself if you really do want to be friends with her. I know that may sound harsh, but if you have been in the on/off boat for 6 years, chances are you will end-up back in that boat again! Do you want that? I understand missing her and what not, but if you want a future with someone, and you know it's not her, protect yourself from further confusion, complication, and frustration!! I'm a true believer that it is very difficult to be friends with someone after a break-up, especially if many years have been invested.

    Good luck!!

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    • I think she was being honest, but maybe it wasn't intentional. Obviously dating must not be going that great (she's hard to handle, and I'm one of the few people who gets her) but not to respond to me omits a few different outcomes- 1. She's thinking about it
      2. She's testing me to see if I give her space to decide
      3. She was drunk, regrets her moment of weakness and figures if she says nothing, that's just as good of an answer as any.
      If she wanted me back, I'm not sure. It would be round four if that's the case and I'm already dating again so I don't no. I just wish she would say something. But whatever I guess.

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    • That's a bummer! I guess when she messaged you, she messaged because she had a weak moment. I think her non-response is your answer that she did want more from you. But because you said, "can we talk about this...", she already knew you would object to her request, and so left it as it was.
      I say move on... I know it's difficult to not have her in your life, even as a friend, but I truly believe you will be better off and with more options to grow in other relationships, if she is not in the shadows. Besides, if you continue without her, you will either find what you have been looking for in someone else, or it may change your heart on matters with her (aka resolve what hasn't worked in the past).
      Let her go and if it's meant to be, it will happen.
      Good luck and thanks for the MHO!! :)

    • Ok so here's an update: I haven't heard from her at all and it seems she's left me hanging. A friend of mine told me that she posted some rant along the lines of: "I hate being ignored. If you don't want to talk to me then find a way to tell me and I'll move on. But don't make me out like the crazy on because I want to know where I stand. Dating sucks."
      So what she's doing to me, someone is doing to her. Still think she was being honest?

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • She could of been drunk, especially since she hasn't said anything about it yet. Also good luck on being friends with an ex. As you mentioned you were on again off again. Just seems like she might be thinking about getting back on that revolving door.

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    • Yea I don't know. That door has hit me in the face a lot, but I have this crazy unexplained amount of unconditional love for her. It's wierd.

  • I don't get these 'drunk' answers and the fact that its even in the question. Its really possible for a girl to miss an ex and seriously mean it. You were with her 6 years, she misses you and wants to be in your life no matter what that means. She likely regrets whatever happened that led to the breakup.

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    • Then why won't she say anything back then?

    • Still haven't heard back from her yet. I wished her a happy Halloween and also got no response.

    • Ok so here's an update: I haven't heard from her at all and it seems she's left me hanging. A friend of mine told me that she posted some rant along the lines of: "I hate being ignored. If you don't want to talk to me then find a way to tell me and I'll move on. But don't make me out like the crazy on because I want to know where I stand. Dating sucks."
      So what she's doing to me, someone is doing to her. Funny.

  • She misses you and she would like to start off small (such as friendship) because she is really wanting to try again with you. I have an ex and we keep fighting like cats and dogs but whenever I see him, I really like his company. Maybe you guys should give each other another chance and try. Just try again.

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    • Still haven't heard back from her yet. I wished her a happy Halloween and also got no response.

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    • OK she is definitely unstable. I think you need to move on, sweetheart. I am sorry but some women are just not all there in the head you know?

    • Yea... I'm starting to realize that. She seems pretty self absorbed. No good

What Guys Said 2

  • Probably drunk and getting nostalgic.

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    • That's always a possibility.

  • I only want to be friends with 2/5 of my exs, one of them tried to use me to get back at her fiancĂ©e not too long ago, another didn't want anything to do with me since she got engaged and another one has a sadistic personality disorder and loves to trick people into trusting her before back-stabbing them and making them miserable (And not just me). The other two, well the first one I haven't heard from in years and the other ex we never hurt each other but drifted apart because we had different needs relationship-wise.

    Well maybe be casual friends with her but i'd say keep it at that, don't trust her with anything that might be potentially used against you in the future

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    • Ok so here's an update: I haven't heard from her at all and it seems she's left me hanging. A friend of mine told me that she posted some rant along the lines of: "I hate being ignored. If you don't want to talk to me then find a way to tell me and I'll move on. But don't make me out like the crazy on because I want to know where I stand. Dating sucks."
      So what she's doing to me, someone is doing to her. Funny.

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