Is it normal for an ex-boyfriend to not want friendship?

My ex and I were each others' first "serious" relationship and broke up almost 2 months ago. When we just broke up, he stressed how much he wanted to remain friends because i'm the "coolest girl" he knows, and couldn't imagine not talking to me about our many common interests. We see each other very frequently because we go to the same school -- I'm in 3 classes with him, plus homeroom. So, there's really no way to escape one another. His opinion on friendship became less and less concrete as time passed (it was no longer a "for sure" kind of thing), and he's recently told me that he hasn't really decided whether or not he wants to be friends or not. He told me he's just going with the flow. He then proceeded to say that he doesn't want to become "too invested" with me (as friends), and wouldn't want to cause any problems by being friends. He then said it just feels sorta weird/difficult being friends.
So in general I'm pretty frustrated I guess. At first he was sure about wanting friendship. Then he told me he hasn't decided yet and it just going with the flow, but added that he feels like it's weird being friends and wouldn't want to cause problems. He said "sure" about talking once in a while, but told me he doesn't want to do it all the time.
The thing is, we do see each other very often and share many common interests, so it's really not that difficult to talk about casual things and be friendly with one another. In the past, we have had really normal and casual convos about things we have in common. It didn't feel weird and he certainly did not act weird about it. I don't stalk him or overburden him at school or anything like that... i honestly just let him be, and give him his space. I never initiate conversation. So I really don't feel the issue lies within me being "overly attached."
He's a little all over the place, at least from how I see it. Can anybody help me sort out his behavior? Should I take this personally?
Also, we mutually broke up. If anything, he was more ready for it than I was, but in the end it was a mutual decision. He seems to have moved on almost entirely at this point.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Most guys do not take rejection well and find it even harder to maintain a friendship with the person who rejected them as a boyfriend. It is just easier to avoid that person in order not to reopen the wounds they have not dealt with yet. Breaking up with a guy can be a real ego buster and reduces the confidence level. It is more so if they are more sensitive to such matters. Should you take this personally? Not so much except for having pity on him until he sorts it out. Some guys never do deal with the issue and most do however. Time usually dulls the pain and suffering so that he is somewhat normal again. First relationships can be a bear, as they usually do not last very long. Girls tend to get very upset, cry, scream and rant until they get over it. Guys tend to internalize it, which is a bad thing to do. It is the way we are wired.

    • It was actually a mutual breakup -- he was more ready for it than I was, if anything. With that said, do you feel that changes anything?

    • No Not a thing, even though he was part of the estrangement, he is now on the outside looking in. Him having a part of that might make it even worse, as he might be realizing he blew a real good thing. It can get complicated. Just keep the friendship leaf extended so he doesn't think he is a total loser. Guys sometimes, no, often do make bone headed decisions.

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What Guys Said 2

  • personaly i'd stay that's stupid of him to think lke that

  • I sure as hell wouldn't stay friends with an ex


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