We've talked almost every day up until when I decided I wanted some distance. I do reply and I keep my replies friendly but I'm not really actively trying to keep the conversations going etc.
During my first attempt at this he said I had been giving him the cold shoulder but also said he didn't dwell on it and just moved onto doing other things. Right, so it shouldn't bother him? Ok.
The following week he again felt the need to ask about it and asked if we were ok, I reassured him that I've just been busy.
Our contact had been minimal and I realized I may have come off as cold but it really shouldn't bother him to the extend it seemingly has.
He's been the one to initiate contact up until a few days ago and last week he even felt the need to tell me he was there if I wanted to talk and that he'd always been there.
It feels as though he has a need to talk every single day, a bit or a lot.
Again last night he acted weird and I even dare say a bit paranoid. He messaged me first and asked how things were going. I replied friendly and he then moved onto saying he'd leave me be. I asked why and he explained he felt I seemed busy. Ok? I reassured him I wasn't and I told him I'd let him know if I was.
It took a while for that to sink in and he even again brought up that he felt I had given him the cold shoulder.
Why is he putting so much effort into talking to me? Why is he being like this?
Most Helpful Guy
Well, he is being like this because you just changed the dynamic of the relationship completely without giving him any reasons, and he noticed. He has asked about it, and you have lied to him and told him it was nothing. When clearly it is, as you are distancing yourself from him. That's not 'nothing', that's a pretty big 'something'.
It is not paranoia if it is right... and he is right. Something has changed. You are here telling us that you have changed it. And you haven't admitted to him that you thing you two are too close and that you want space. He is putting effort into talking with you because that is what he has always done.
Now, he is an EX, so you are right to be putting distance. And you are right to be thinking that you two should not be bothered by drifting apart. But it is a change, and he noticed it, and you told him nothing had changed. He asked if you two were ok. That is when you should have said "No, we've been too close. We're not together any more and I think we should be cutting down the amount we see each other." Instead you said everything was ok, that you were just busy.
Basically, your desire for more separation is a good one. It's needed to move on. But you can't be seeming surprised that he thinks things have changed when you changed them on him, lol. Just tell him what's up. Stringing him along like this is a shitty thing to do, even if he is an ex.1
Most Helpful Girl
You don't owe an explanation but obviously it's impactin him so don't toy with him. Just end this connection and go your separate ways.0