What does his text mean?

My three year boyfriend, now ex, and I broke up about five days ago. He said he didn't want to be in a serious relationship anymore; that he'd been feeling this way for two months now. He said the reason he didn't mention it to me was because he wanted to avoid me being hurt, as well as losing me. He said he wanted me to still be in his life because he feels that as long as we stay in contact to him, I'm always going to be "his girl" Of course I said I wasn't going to do that. I made it clear that if he were done we would no longer speak. I even asked him if he was sure he was willing to lose me and he said that's what he's trying to avoid... The day after not talking he sent me a texts saying he doesn't want to live life without me and he wasn't sure if he could do this (my response will be in the "Update" lol). Today he sent me a message randomly because I didn't respond to him after his last text. It read "I had a dream about you last night, just checking up on you" I didn't respond. I don't know what he wants. I'm 100% sure he no longer wants to be with me, but why does he still text me? I'm extremely heartbroken and his texts only confuse me and get my hopes up :/ what do they mean?
My response to his first text was "No. You don't get to do that. You don't get to regret your decision. You don't get to text me when you have no one else to talk to. We are not friends. YOU chose to leave. You chose to let me go.
cont: "You chose to lose me. You chose to walk away because things weren't ideal. You didn't want to try harder. You just left. So don't hit me up saying you can't do it. Don't mess w/ my feelings bc ur unsure of your own. Its not fair to me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • That text means he is trying to have his cake and eat it too. He wants the emotional support you provide, but wants to fuck around and not feel guilty. The NRE (new relationship energy) faded, and when he took stock of what emotions grew while it was active, a mature love was not there. He does really enjoy the convenience of you. He most certainly likes you as a person. But without the super-charged brain chemicals that NRE provides, he doesn't see you as his one-stop solution for all of his relationship needs.

    Saying "I don't want to be in a serious relationship" and also saying "you will always be my girl" is a power play designed to put his needs above yours, and with a lot of girls with damaged self-esteem, it would actually work. That it didn't work for you is a credit to your view of yourself and your self worth. So kudos to you. He most likely thought you would wimper along in some submissive state of despair hoping he would change his mind, which would give him some time to take a look at the field and take a few shots. If nothing panned out, he could then have you waiting (since you're HIS girl... implying possession) for him to say those big "oh, I'm sorry, I was just confused and needed some time to think. I'm better now" words that he is assuming you want to hear.

    You're done. He broke up with you. You are right to want to start putting up a no-contact wall, especially for the first year or so, because your emotionally vulnerability during this transition will make you more susceptible to manipulation.

    Here's the thing. You say you made it clear that if you were done, you would no longer speak. He made it clear you were done. Yet you are still speaking. You replied to him. This is a power struggle at this point. Stick to your guns. He doesn't get to lean on you for emotional support to help him get over his breaking up with YOU. That's ridiculous. You don't need to hear about his 'dreams'. You don't need him to 'check up on you'.

    • Thank you so much! I reread your comment three times. The text message I ignored prior to this one today was "I didn't choose to walk away. I told you what I was on and you didn't want the same thing. I'm not unsure of my feelings. I told you I love you and I'm not taking that back"

    • You're welcome. It's a shitty situation, but your best course of action is to stay strong and respect yourself. He chose to leave you knowing that it would mean you two couldn't 'be friends', that you two couldn't 'talk to each other'. He probably thought he could get away with his actions without facing those consequences, that you would back down and relent and he could have his way.

      But he made the choice. He has to live with it. And you have to stay strong, move on, and continue your growth as a person without him.

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What Guys Said 4

  • He is obviously conflicted on whether or not breaking up with you was the best idea. Either that or he just wants to be friends. he dowesnt sound like that bad of a guy. he just didn't want to hurt you. my advice is if you want to keep him as a friend.

  • u can tell him do u want me to be your friend or not yes or no dont write more if he didn't answer yes or no tell him when u decide ti speak tell me bye
    he will decide u have to wait it may be she doesn't want to be friend with u but doesn't want u to be angry or dsad

  • sorry that he broke up with you and tbh it sounds like he cares about you so just text him back because he sounds like he misses you and still likes you and its not been that long but just try to talk to him

  • To say it in a few short words... Sounds like he's trying to keep you on the hook. I'm pretty sure he has feelings but be careful.


What Girls Said 1

  • He sounds confused and maybe has other things on his mind or issues he's dealing with, and needs to end the relationship coz its extra pressure he can't handle, try to talk to him about it, i think you will regret not remaining friends with him, ignoring him or telling him you won't speak to him coz he's ended it, is very controlling and a bullying tactic, he's sounds like he needs a friend and he wants that to be you, try to understand his reasoning by talking to him, its not like he dumped you and never spoke again, he has been open and honest how he feels so if you really care for him , then give him the space he needs and be there for him


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