I have been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety and PTSD. It all started with my awful relationship with my ex boyfriend. He was controlling, manipulative and a drug abuser. During the course of our relationship he abused me in every way. The day I left him is something I will never forget. he accused me of cheating on him but I didn't. So he didn't believe me and went to the garage. He grabbed the black bottle of petrol and he had matches in his mouth. He poured petrol over me, he poured petrol on himself and all over the lounge room. He's started screaming "this will be the last day alive I'm going to kill us all!! You better start praying to God" I started to pray he's like "God will not save you he can't change this situation right now!" I'm literally crying and begging him dont light the fucking match you idiot I hate you how the fuck could you do this to me?"
In that moment I said to myself "I'm going to die in a few seconds" The only way I could stop him was to smash the bottle of alcohol and run for my life. I never thought anything so extreme and traumatic could affect me in such a way. I'm having nightmares. I keep thinking he's near me and watching me. It's been a couple months and I can't move on from the event. I've been to therapists/psychologists and I'm not getting the tools to help me move on. Thier treatments work but the demons keep coming back to me and I have to start all over again. I'm going in circles and I pretty much know I'll be alone for a long time. how can I move on?
(I'm sorry if the post is long) please don't write mean comments its a lot for me post this here :(
Most Helpful Guy
All things in the physical abode can heal' the nightmares are only as real as the memorie in event' meaning in your thinking you return to that event and or reality so it will always be there. Those demons are as strong as the power of your brain process. If possible create a love story in mind to replace the other story' I know it seems tuff now but later in time the images will fade out... EASIER SAID THEN DONE RIGHT... NO!!! IT WILL BE MADE EASY (replace with a perfect relationship story of images) THEN IT WILL BE DONE!!! Also knowing he has gotten arrested and can't hurt you should also help?' Please remember all images fade in time it's the power of thought that keeps it alive... watch (IMAGE +ANIMATION=IMAGINATION) see? images come from the memorie located in the occipital lobe where eyesight is located+ animation comes from the diaphragm where feelings and or emotions dwell. You always had the power to control or destroy the memorie in realism it means to you but it would take quite some time to know and or try this excersize' when your ready that is... I hope this reaches your enthusiasm. Thankyou for posting this mature kind of topic 'may all be well with you.0
Most Helpful Girl
Hi, I've got ptsd to. Some people get over it, some people, especially people who had long term ongoing trauma don't, they just learn to live with it.
You have to remember your courage at the end when you smashed the bottle and ran. You've got that courage in you, he held it back for a long time, but eventually it came out. Remind yourself of your courage often. You're not the girl he abused, you're the girl who smashed that bottle and got out of there.
It's only been a few months, it's normal to still feel fear. This stuff isn't something that you forget about just because you walked away. Just give yourself time to understand what happened and learn to cope. You'll start to learn about triggers, like if he was bald and you see a bald guy and remember him for example, and learn how to deal with it when it happens.
When you have nightmares, don't just wake up and sit there in fear. Read or browse the Internet and force yourself to get distracted by the reading.
I think therapy works better with ptsd if you continue going. It doesn't work fast, but for some people, it works eventually. As I said before, it's only been a few months, so just give it time. It helps to sometimes just talk about what happened and talk about your fears.
I don't know if you have any friends you can trust, but if you do, it's not weak if you ask for support or a shoulder to cry on. It's also nice if you have a really scary nightmare and you can call somebody and hear a familiar and safe voice.
Just don't give up yet. Ptsd is usually an on going thing, you can't resign yourself to this so early on into the fight. The biggest battle is won because you've left him, now you just have to finish it.
There's nothing specific that anybody on here can tell you will help in any way, because everybody is different and what works for one might not work for you.1