Need Advice! Girlfriend had left me for no real reason, and seeing her again after no contact, how do I act?

My gf and I were together for 6 years, met her at the end of high school, and we were both each others first loves. Everything was great, no issues we couldn't fix (tho we rarely ever had anything, and they were usually small silly things), and we always wanted to be w/ each other. Talked about our future, getting married, having kids, etc.

She left me a few weeks ago, because she had too much free time to think, since she has been out of college (graduated earlier this year) and told me, basically: "What is love? How do we know we love each other if we have only been with each other?" And saying she doesn't feel the same about me anymore, completely out of the blue.

This destroyed me and my dreams, completely blindsighted. I didn't beg or anything, we cried it out and everything, tried to see if it could be fixed, but she said there is nothing to fix and it's just something she has to do to move on. So a while after it happened, of my own will had gone No Contact to her. I wanted to do this for myself to try and focus on me, and see how I actually truly felt about her.

It's been a little over a month now, and I have learned a lot about how I feel and things that I was lacking before, and are good for me. (Things like: I was constantly focused on my gf before, and now realize not to do that, and that hanging out w/ other friends is important to myself, etc.)

The main thing is I'm NOT over her! And I don't think I want to be, I went days w/o even thinking of her and everything. But it seems, I still truly love her so much :/ I love her family, I love everything about her, I just can't help it. So, we are meeting up in a few days, and my question is this:

How do I act? Some people told me to act like I'm fine and have moved on. But I don't think that's right, should I express my feelings about how I really feel instead? I know I can't force her to love me, but I just don't know what to do anymore, I still love her so much, she's a piece of me.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My advice to you comes from my own similar situation. I think if you're going to go talk to this girl, you should feel her out first. Don't come right out with the lovey dovey, find out where she's going with this first. Find out what she's learned from her time apart from you. If she comes out with something like she found someone else, then you'll know to be stoic and move on. I'm only saying this so you can save yourself a little embarrassment or awkwardness. Best of luck!

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    • Yes, that is a good plan. Like I said in the other posters comment, I don't want to jump right in with "Oh I missed you so much, please come back to me!" or anything like that, cuz it's pathetic sounding and I don't really feel like that. I love her and I want to be with her because of everything we shared and how good she made me feel, not because I'm blinded by a "need" of her.

      I hope the time has helped her clear her head and stress or maybe at least see that just giving us up wasn't exactly what she wanted. And even if it does get awkward for w/e reason, which I don't think it would, we both know each other better than anyone else, and we're still very close, so I think we can figure things out. Thanks.

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    • Nope.. mine didn't go well.. I'm shattered.

    • Sorry to hear that :( I hope things get better for you, just try to stay positive as best you can. I actually ended up telling my ex I wasn't ready to meet yet and needed more time to sort my own brain out, to see if I truly still love her and everything, before I tell her.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Shoulda married her when you had the chance.
    But on a more serious note, ask her how her "exploration" is going and if she found anyone... You know her a lot more than I do so make it sound less weird. Try to talk about relationships at some point. Are you guys going to be alone?

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    • We'll probably be alone yeah, and I think I will tell her about things I've realized during my space and then talk about how she's been doing and just be honest I guess. And the whole "married her when you had the chance thing" even if your not being serious, is just stupid. Like I said, we had talked about marriage before, and both decided we didn't want it until we were at least out of school and had jobs :P and even if we were married, and then she did this, it probably would of sucked more... but w/e.

    • I see. When you talk to her, don't feel sorry for what happened. Come in with a sense of abundance and even though it might feel like she's your life, don't show it. I would also advise you to do your best not to think that (that she's everything) either.
      Obviously don't pretend that your a god, but don't show her any signs of pain. Brush off the hurt off your shoulders, think of the great things that it taught you. And if it looks like she might be wanting to get back (I'm sure she does to at least some degree) then bring that up and discuss it.
      If it seems like this could have come up in marriage, then think twice before getting back.
      On an extremely practical note: are you READY for marriage?(not saying you should propose) Or will you be forced to waste more time?
      Best regards.

    • Thanks. I think that's what some of my friends were trying to tell me, but I wasn't sure exactly what they meant. I get that its a bad idea, to right away go into the "omg I miss you and love you so much please come back!" Cuz that just makes me look needy and hopeless, and I don't want to do that anyway. I DO love her, and I want to be with her, but not because of obsession or cuz I "need" her or anything like that, but because she really means something to me and I want to share so much more with her, and loved everything I had with her.

      And yea, I totally would want to marry this girl, just like I said tho, when the time is right and we're both ready. After this mess tho, who knows when that would come if ever now. :/

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What Girls Said 1

  • Hmmm. I've never been with anyone that long. But the one guy I actually loved and it didn't work out... I had to cut contact for a year to move on. I now see him from time to time and I still love him in some way, he'll always be a part of my life probably, but I don't see any future together anymore and I know I've actually moved on.

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