My boyfriend and I were together for a year and had a baby. We got into a fight so he left and broke up with me. Then got into a relationship with a 20 year old girl he works with. He's 27 and we were really serious. I mean we have a baby, lived together and talked about marriage. I'm confused and want him back but he's having too much fun with this girl. Is this a rebound? Will he miss me and want to come back? I'm using no contact but it's not helping. Advice?
Most Helpful Guy
I doubt it. Only being together means that you were only in the NRE phase of the relationship, the 'new relationship energy' phase where the brain is in a state of mind that makes everything about a partner seem better. It can last anywhere between a couple of months and a couple of years, but the take-away is that anything said or promised during that phase are meaningless once the NRE wears off and the person returns to their normal thinking patterns.
He will never have those same feelings because the relationship will never be 'new' again. The reason people feel NRE is so that they can be 'artificially' close to each other even though they don't really know each other, which allows real, genuine emotions to grow under the surface. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. In this case, they clearly didn't for this guy.
It is possible that he may find himself single and horny in the future, in which case he will turn to old contacts to try and get some sexual satisfaction, but it will not be because of some great sense of missing the person or that they remembered how much they loved them (though they will usually use words to that effect, as they are the most effective for getting laid). You can be certain that he does not feel love for you or he wouldn't be in this situation. He will not suddenly fall in love with you, that chance has passed.
My advice is to start moving on, because he is a write-off. Start the process to get child support if you haven't already. In the future, try not to make life-altering decisions with people in the first few years of a relationship, because the NRE-phase behaviour of a person will not line up with the post-NRE behaviour. Wait until it has worn off and you know the 'real' person before you move to kids or marriage. Otherwise this same kind of situation can happen.0