Does he miss me? Will he come back?

My boyfriend and I were together for a year and had a baby. We got into a fight so he left and broke up with me. Then got into a relationship with a 20 year old girl he works with. He's 27 and we were really serious. I mean we have a baby, lived together and talked about marriage. I'm confused and want him back but he's having too much fun with this girl. Is this a rebound? Will he miss me and want to come back? I'm using no contact but it's not helping. Advice?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I doubt it. Only being together means that you were only in the NRE phase of the relationship, the 'new relationship energy' phase where the brain is in a state of mind that makes everything about a partner seem better. It can last anywhere between a couple of months and a couple of years, but the take-away is that anything said or promised during that phase are meaningless once the NRE wears off and the person returns to their normal thinking patterns.

    He will never have those same feelings because the relationship will never be 'new' again. The reason people feel NRE is so that they can be 'artificially' close to each other even though they don't really know each other, which allows real, genuine emotions to grow under the surface. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. In this case, they clearly didn't for this guy.

    It is possible that he may find himself single and horny in the future, in which case he will turn to old contacts to try and get some sexual satisfaction, but it will not be because of some great sense of missing the person or that they remembered how much they loved them (though they will usually use words to that effect, as they are the most effective for getting laid). You can be certain that he does not feel love for you or he wouldn't be in this situation. He will not suddenly fall in love with you, that chance has passed.

    My advice is to start moving on, because he is a write-off. Start the process to get child support if you haven't already. In the future, try not to make life-altering decisions with people in the first few years of a relationship, because the NRE-phase behaviour of a person will not line up with the post-NRE behaviour. Wait until it has worn off and you know the 'real' person before you move to kids or marriage. Otherwise this same kind of situation can happen.

    • why are your answer always so loooong? come on. I can't even agree with you because i am so not willing to read an essay that can be condensed into one of those paragraphs. and I KNOW you are always on point (when i actually read it) but i get discouraged.

    • lol, sorry, I know they get long. It is the conversational equivalent of 'showing your work' on a math question. I am trying to provide advice to a complex interpersonal situation with only a tiny bit of information to go on. By describing the thought process behind the advice, or the reasons for the advice, the asker can sometimes realize that they were missing key information from the question that changes the situation significantly.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You want him back because now you have a lasting bond. its perfectly normal. and i can bet that HE probably started that fight. he's probably scared. I really believe he's gone hon... he wants someone he can detach from at any point. he can't do that with you, not anymore... I suggest you stop thinking about what HE will or won't do and care for that precious creature YOU brought in. Focus on your child.

  • I am sorry to say I wouldn't bank on it. Get him to pay child support, he clearly has no regard for you or your kid.

    • stereotypical... but it fits with this stupid century we live in.

    • I don't think its that, people are lost is all. They don't know what they really want. As a result they are not able to be the best parents.

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