How do you break up with someone when there's nothing really wrong with your relationship?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple of years now. We love each other and things have been going well, up until the past few months.

I feel like I've lost almost all of the passion for our relationship. I could list reasons why, most of them involve myself and my own life right now. His life is quite in order, whereas mine is in disarray. I've been a little down in the dumps lately. I want time to get my life back on track, to stay focused.

He's offered to help me whenever I need it, but I find myself not wanting his help. My sex drive has plummeted. I talk to him much less now, in general I've been distant. I do still care about him, but I hate to be in a relationship when my heart's not completely in it.

TL;DR My questions to you:
I want to break up with my boyfriend, but I have a feeling he isn't going to accept my reason that I don't want to be in a relationship right now.

He's probably going to try to argue or change my mind. If that happens, what should I say or do? Is this a legitimate reason to end things? I just need a break...


Most Helpful Guy

  • If you've lost interest in the relationship, you need to be honest with him. It's not fair on either of you to drag it on if unless you're both into it.

    He won't want to lose you, he'll offer to change, but it takes two to tango and he needs to accept that. It's a question of him being able to love you enough to let you go and try to resolve these problems yourself, because it's not something you can work on together from the sounds of it. Maybe you'll feel better and want to come back, maybe not, but it can't continue like this.

    I've been there, it's not an easy situation.

    • Thank you. I guess I'm mostly nervous about what he's going to say. He's a very logical thinker and when something seems irrational to him he's not afraid to tear it apart.

    • Emotions aren't always rational, you can't always explain why you feel down, trying to analyze it won't work. You're doing a good thing trying to minimize the hurt but it will hurt. It's easy to say you're going to go through with it now and another thing to actually do it when you're face to face. You have to bear that in mind, because during the face to face break up you might promise or be promised all sorts of things, your heart will beg you not to upset the apple cart just to stop the pain as quickly as possible - but nothing will change. I waited too long because of those reasons.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Usually I'm the type to give advice to where I advise the person to break up because they aren't happy in a relationship, or they feel they shouldn't be in one. But from what I'm reading is the passion is lost because of the depression you're going through and your sex drive has plummeted because of it. The relationship itself hasn't lost it's value, but how you're feeling towards yourself is making it seem that way. My best advice would be to stay in the relationship and figure out what's going on inside first before you make that decision, because you don't want to regret to find out it was just an internal issue. See a therapist and find out what's making you unhappy. Also to get your sex drive and mood back in order biologically, start taking Maca capsules, Vitamin B12 and Vitamin D3, in the morning. You'll feel a lift in a couple days.

    • Thanks for your answer and concern. I admit I'm still mulling it over but I'm almost completely certain that I want to take a break from this relationship, for his benefit as much as mine. Things may settle and return to the way they were, or they may not, but for now I know it can't go on like this.
      Ah, and thank you for the vitamin suggestions.

  • just say you are over the relationship and don't have a reason to stay in it anymore and end it. don't let him try to keep you on the fence about it, just do it and beep boop bop bam bloom kadonk.

    • I feel like it would hurt him to say I don't have a reason to stay though. I mean this is probably going to seem really sudden to him, it all seems so sudden to me at least. I just don't want him to think he's done something wrong or that I don't care about him anymore.

    • explain it to him then. tell him exactly how you feel and your reasons why you're doing it. he doesn't have to like it, he most likely wont, but it has to be done since there is no point in it for you.

  • That's a question that would never even occur to a guy. Simply wanting to break up would be reason to do it. "I prefer to be single " would be a reason.

    But girls spend so long trying to get into a relationship, they need a good reason to leave one, if there's nothing going wrong.


    • I suppose "I prefer to be single" is the closet thing I have to a reason. I don't really feel like I can be a decent girlfriend at the moment. So I would rather take a break, and not make him feel trapped in a relationship that's on hold.

What Girls Said 1

  • Hi! I'm on the same situation as you but on the other side. My exboyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago I guess because of the same exact reasons as you. He said he needed to be himself, and focus on his life and he couldn't stay on the relationship. He said that it was very hard to be honest with me and break up because he cares about me a lot and doesn't wanna see me hurt. I haven't contacted him since then. I do love him a lot and thats why I had to let him go. I still hope he regrets it on time before I move on... My advice here is do what you truly feel, because for you to give him happiness you need to be happy first. But think about it carefully, because sometimes there's no coming back and you will have to live with this decision forever. I hope it helped!

    • Thanks for your response! I'm sorry you went through this sort of situation, but I appreciate you sharing this with me, I think it does help to hear it from the other person's point of view.

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