My husband asked me for a separation last month. We still have sex! Hot sex! What am I getting into?

We've been together for 11 years before we got married. We have 2 daughters together. Just got married last year. Last month he asked me for a separation after we just went through a very busy social event summer. It seemed like we were happy through out everything. Well at least I was happy. He told me he was happy. We had one petty argument over something, even he considered small, and we never recovered from that. I am trying to be on his side to give him his space. What kills me the most is when he wakes up in the middle of the night to ask me for a kiss or a cuddle and then we end up having sex. Then when he wakes up the next morning, it's like back to the separation. He doesn't even bother having small talk with me anymore. He never used to help me so much with the chores, but now that we're separated... he's super helpful. Like he's giving me all these signs that things will be better apart from each other. But then there's the sex?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well he is messing with you. Give him his separation, tell him to go somewhere else for a minimum of 3 months and allow you some space to understand that he is a weak person.
    This means you don't do anything with him until after the 3 months. Draw a boundary and let him sort out his rubbish without involving you.
    At the moment he is having his cake and eating it.
    Sounds like there is someone else. He's helpful because he feels guilty. Wants a cuddle because he is scared of where he is going. He's insecure - poor baby. Don't give him any sympathy.
    If there is someone else let him see if he can make that work without you as a fall back. But you need to stop the sex, for your health, because you don't know what or who he is messing with. He certainly isn't being honest. Kick him out, don't let him play with you. But make sure he is supporting you and his daughters.

    • Thank you!!! He has gone or wondered down that road before... He has always resorted to "female friends" who he claims is just a friend. I've never found any evidence to see if he's ever been unfaithful! All I know is that there has been a female co worker that he spends a lot of time texting with after work and time with after work as well. I'm tired of going through his stuff only to find out that he'd rather does his time else where!!! I really don't know the nature of their relationship but I know that he's kept things from me about his time with her. I've met this woman before.. She's spent time hanging out with me and my family... She knows where married!!! Ugh!!! He's trying to find somewhere to live right now! I really appreciate your advice. I am trying to make peace with myself and trying to move forward but while he's still here I'm stuck.

    • Look up on Google 'Heroes Spouse' and also Larry Bilotta. Larry worked for me.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Your letting him have his cake and eat it to no sex!!! Maybe have him go somewhere else for awhile... He's not really separated as he still living there and your still having sex...

    • Thank you!!! I feel like pathetic and naive for ever thinking my husband could do this. I don't recognize this man that lives with me and my children right now. I can't kick him out because we live in the home his Mom owns! I've secretly told her about the situation and she wants him out but until he reveals the situation... I really wish I could have him back... But at the same time... I'm waiting for myself to have the angst to get on with my life... I feel like I'm it angry enough cause I don't want the separation... I want my old man back! But then... I'm so mad that I can't wait for him to leave...

    • Girlie wasn't saying that to make you think that... Loving someone makes you blind... So would she kick you out?

    • I know! I've been feeling this way throughout the entire process. And all of his actions mislead me. One minute I want to move on and the next minute he does something familiar and my hopes spring high. She would not kick me out. In fact, when I told her about it... She wanted to kick him out that second. She called him a selfish fool and that he can deal with his bullshit out of her house. I'm really lucky to have a really good MIL. I thank god everyday for my blessings and try to get through this one day at a time. He just woke me up at midnight to tell me that he was grabbing a drink with his boy... And I couldn't help but go through his stuff again... I seriously can't do this anymore bit don't know how to stop

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What Guys Said 3

  • Well, do you like what you've got? No small talk, but help with the chores. Sounds like a fair tradeoff. The sex is hot, and it seems like you're satisfied with that?

    Is it because he wants to hook up with other women? Do you want to hook up with other guys? Ask him if he cares...

    Figure out what you want, and want you're willing to settle for. Negotiate from there. You've still got child-support as leverage for many years.

    • What I want is a husband! I don't want to hook up with other men. He was supposed to be my partner for life. I trusted him! I guess I was giving into the sex with him... Cause my body needs it too and still hoping he'd change his mind... But I don't recognize this man anymore.

    • Ahh. Well, if he wants a separation and you want a husband, then cut his ass off (no sex, child support starts now). Tell him, I want a life partner.

      I mean, if you still want him.

      If you don't recognize him anymore, and don't want him, then start looking for a husband.

  • I'm sorry. The one I thought was THE ONE walked out of my life today. I never saw it coming. So right now I would say prepare for the worst. I thought we were happy too but I get a phone call from a third party saying she moved out where to pick the car up and don't call us and we won't call you. I found out it was over drugs. We didn't have but 2 years together and she told me she was clean. I found one of my scripts completely gone so it was all a lie. She was still using the whole time and she couldn't hide it anymore. Back to your problem I would stop having sex go through the grieving process and start over. What kind of game is he playing? Don't play his games it will only confuse you like you are and when your confused your vulnerable. Good luck if you want to talk I'm here

    • Thanks for your advice!!! I'm really sorry to her about your situation. My husband and I are recovering addicts as well. It wasn't easy!! All I know is that she has to get help by herself and you can't trust her decisions right now. Work on yourself. Time will heal.

  • He may have a bi-polar condition or an anxiety disorder.


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