I live with my ex boyfriend, and I don't know what he wants?

I dated my ex for about three and a half years. We recently moved to a city (a couple hours from our hometown) to start college. He broke up with me a couple weeks after we moved in together. I was a complete mess, and he did it while we were fighting (I walked out to think during our fight, and he broke up with me when I came back). I've been going out and trying to move on, and he hasn't been doing anything. He's been sitting at home playing video games, watching tv, kind of just waiting for time to pass I guess. I miss him so much, and he thinks I'm happier without him and that we get along better apart (he hasn't told me this, his mom was talking to me). I know he's terrified of having a relationship like ours was (I nagged him, and was a bitch a lot of the time). But this break up was a reality check to me because i realized I can't treat the man of my dreams the way I did. Also, the way he's been acting (which is messing with me) is as follows: He sleeps in my bed (we live in a 2 bedroom apartment) some nights, he tickles me and is physically affectionate (hugs, high fives), he compliments me, asks me to do things (movies, dinner), and is generally acting like he did at the start of our relationship.
I'm really scared because he thinks that if we get back together nothing will change but I really want to prove that a new relationship would be better than anything else. We've had our lives planned out for so long, and we were always set on being together forever. Me initiating stupid fights just pushed him over the edge. Everyone is completely taken back by our break up because we we're just kind of the couple that would be together forever.
My question is, what should I do to get him back? What do his actions mean? Does he want to get back together? Anything you can really give advice for or a perspective on would be greatly appreciated.
He's the one for me, and I know that might sound lame, but you know when you have the 'one', and I messed up. Help?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just tell him everything you told us. Tell him that it won't be easy for you to change, but worthy things are always difficult. Then you need to implement the changes.

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    • How'd it go?

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    • I told him I want to try again and that I don't want a title to ruin what we have and that I'm miserable without him and I know we could make it work but he just said 'we work better this way' and then I apologized for how I treated him and said that I can't force him to take me back but that I want to show him I am different and that we are meant for each other. He didn't really say anything except for 'I'm sorry but we work better this way'. I don't know what to do. His actions say one thing but his only response to 'can we try again' is 'I don't know'.

    • Well... he either really is done or he is enjoying having the future of your relationship in his hands and is making you wait as payback or revenge or whatever. Which do you think it is?

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think moving in together added a whole new element to your relationship and showed you sides of each other u hadn't seen. It's a obstacle, but I think it also showed what type of man he is too. He broke up with u when things got too hard, but wants to be at this halfway point: acting like a bf without the label on it. Don't let him fall into that pattern, and tell him it's all or nothing. You recognize your faults, but he's not perfect either. If he's not ready to try again now, he'll never be. Make him decide, or walk away. I'm not saying that walk away has to be permanent, but show him that he can lose you for good. If he doesn't step up or makes up some petty excuse not to be with u, you don't want that anyway.

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    • I see where you're coming from, and I completely agree. I want to give him an 'all or nothing' type of ultimatum, but this is where it gets tricky. I feel like that'll make me look controlling, and that's one thing I was like, I was controlling and wanted everything my way. So I feel like if I do that I'll just come off as typical me, ya know?

    • I don't think there's anything controlling about wanting to know what's going on. Honestly, that outlook seems like you can never ask him anything, and what's the point of being in a relationship where you don't have a voice? All you want is clarity--clearing up this confusion. That isn't controlling or asking much.

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