WTF!!! Is it my fault?

So I got raped (not 4 the 1st time either) and my bf broke up w me? Why? He acted like it was my fault and like I didn't try to stop it or something. I mean, he didn't even tried to help me through it! WTF? What did I do wrong? Is it my fault?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ummm well I know people will bitch at me because every girl says it's never the girls fault but I am going to say a example is one of my cousins who has been raped about 3-4 times now and I say at least two were her fault. She would basically get drunk in a poor neighborhood go outside at like 1-2AM with no friends and start walking around the streets and into more poor neighborhoods and walk into the parks with a tiny dress on to the point where you can see her ass while she's just standing straight. Now she knew these were bad neighborhoods she knew she shouldn't be walking around alone but choose to do it anyways. So I sit here and say well that was clearly her fault for being such a idiot but of course a lot of people will disagree with me on that one.

    I mean like I don't put the full full blame onto them of course the guy doing it it's his fault as well but normally there are a lot of times where the girl makes herself way more of a target and just basically asks for it in my eyes. If you're going to walk around half naked in a ghetto area at 1-2AM at night in a park all alone I just don't see what kinda person in the right mind thinks that's a good idea.

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    • Oh yeah I forgot to mention by the way and this might even add to my cousin and that situation in the neighborhood she was at a party at I lived in it at the time she lived like a hour away was no way she was going home walking or anything and she could of went to my place (parents at the time) and slept but instead decided to wonder around.

    • People should be able to walk around alone without being raped

    • Well if a guy was to walk in that park the same time and be lets say flashing his new IPhone or a laptop or something they're going to rob him right away and take it. So if you're flashing your body parts in a ghetto area in the middle of the night in a park wondering around what do you expect ghetto bum ass dudes too do? Sit there and help you wonder around?

      I agree people should be able to walk around freely and not be raped and there are a lot of times girls are targeted for no reason but there are a lot of times as well where I see they did also take steps to make themselves a target.

      Examples could be girls getting into strangers car and going to the guys place, wondering around in the middle of the night half naked in ghetto areas alone. It's basic knowledge to know and avoid yet soo many girls do it

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What Guys Said 18

  • wtf? That is terrible to hear. I am very sorry to hear that.

    No, it is not your fault. No, you did nothing wrong. That is just a terribly, terribly insensitive boyfriend.

    I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but this is probably getting into the area where a professional counselor would be more helpful, someone with better training in this precise type of problem. All I can say is that there is zero chance that you should be blaming yourself for this.

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  • In regards to your boyfriend, some people can't handle the emotional stress. Simple as that. Let him go and move on.

    In regards to if it is your fault, rape is never your fault. But you have a responsibility towards yourself to not put yourself in ''reasonable'' danger. When i say reasonable i don't want you to be paranoid, but to have common sense. Don't walk in a bad neighbourhood at 3 am on your own for example. Don't get wasted drunk unless you agree with someone ( Your bf or girlfriends) to take you home and protect you.

    I am very sorry for what you went through. Please seek therapy.

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  • It is his ego and insecurity. He's not going to stand by you, and it is his problem, not yours. A good guy would be supportive. One of my most lovely memories is helping a girlfriend of mine get over her hangups after she had been raped and terribly frightened. It brought us closer, and I cherished the experiences.

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  • Of course it's not your fault.

    But, understand that it may be psychologically difficult for him too.

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  • As one who experienced something similar. You bf is frankly a complete s ass hole.

    If you have never done this for the others get a therapist. It was not your fault in anyway. If it was the same guy stay away from him as much as possible because now he knows he has power of you. Also while you are working through the rape I would not get a bf.

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  • You should probably be a little more precise... these days rape includes everything from "man invaded victim's home, attacked her at knife point" to "victim got drunk at a bar and went home with someone."

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    • @TL-SG-HJ
      Yep, gotta know what we're talking about here.

      And Asker, the unpleasant reality today is that a lot of girls claim to be rape victims for attention, or they claim they were raped when they just hooked up. So it taints women who actually were victims of such a crime. For example, did you call the police after the attacker was gone? Or did you never file a report?

    • @RationalMale
      Your username doesn't lie.

  • First off, no, is not your fault. This country has a tendency to act like all women want sex everything, that if she felt good, it's not rape, and that is bull shit.

    Your bf was an asshole, probably believes that you wanted it.

    I'm sorry that this happened to you and dealt with such a prick.

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  • Your boyfriend is aa*&%#-ole

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  • He was probably disgusted as awful as it is. Also maybe he wasn't convinced it was a rape, for whatever reason, and is thinking you're just using it as an excuse to cheat. I don't know but it's possible

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  • it's your fault... that you didn't broke up earlier

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  • I don't know the full situation. Did the guy go to jail, and how do you get raped multiple times, that's pretty unusual.

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    • Actually, it's very common for a rape victim to be revictimized. I don't know why, but it's very common.

  • Not your fault and it sounds like your b/f can't handle you telling him.

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  • It's not your fault. Some ass's like him don't have the maturity to deal with things, so they run. Again it is not your fault.

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  • You didn't do anything wrong. What he thinks is bullshit.

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  • seriously, do you want a guy who would leave you in a situation where you need him most?
    By the way, if does love you so much
    -He has just overacted
    -There is good chance of him returning
    by the way , stay strong girl

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  • We need details. Did u put urself in a risky situation?

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  • What situation was you in that lead to you being raped?

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  • Some guys it is a huge blow to their ego and masculinity. This is why it is used as a weapon of war.
    It is not your fault in any way, but hard for a man to handle mentally. You were precious to him and I now I would be upset somehow that I did not protect you. But to walk away says something else, mainly ego.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Even if a woman puts herself in a vulnerable situation they are still not to blame, a person who commits a crime is 100% to blame for their own actions, women have to be responsible for protecting themselves and never to put themselves in a situation which could lead to rape, but sometimes our own judgment of a situation can be wrong, but that doesn't mean you should be punished or lead to believe its your fault, all you are responsible for is putting yourself in a situation, that maybe you shouldnt, but not for the act happening to you, the person committing the act made his own choice to take advantage of the situation or your vulnerability so he is ttotally to blame, i agtee with @bearanswers

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  • I was raped when I was seven, repeatedly, by different men, at different times. Because of that, when I was a teen, I wore baggy sweaters, baggy jeans, jackets, even went to the extreme of binding my breasts to keep them from being seen. I went everywhere with a knife, never was unarmed, and taught myself to fight. I did everything they said to do to keep safe, in extreme. And at eighteen, I was once again raped, by someone I trusted. It doesn't matter what you wear, how you act, what weapon you carry. It is never your fault. It is the rapists' faults. Never yours. Ever.

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  • It's not your fault but your ex is just an asshole and a jerk, it's not your fault sweetie it's just guys doesn't know what get rape can do to a girl and they think girls always looking for sex honey don't blame your self and move on that asshole doesn't deserve you, you are better then him, forget him, and am sorry that you did pass from all this, I know how hard it was for you but I know that you are so strong girl :) hug hug <3 @Sagie

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  • It's not your fault if you get raped! The guy who did it made a conscious decision to force himself on you against your will. Your boyfriend should have talked it out with you and stayed supportive instead of behaving like a selfish crybaby, regardless of how emotionally upsetting it may be a guy that doesn't stick by his woman at a time like that doesn't deserve her.
    HUGS Sagle <3

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  • No it's never a woman's fault. He was a loser to not be there to protect you. Be careful who you hang out with. I was raped before too. I was also blamed for being stupid or too trusting.

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  • No. Rape is never your fault. You are much better off without him. Anyone who treats you like you're to blame is someone you do not need in your life.

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  • how did you manage to get raped AGAIN. maybe stop putting yourself into those circumstances and you bf won't be made

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    • It's very common for a rape victim to be revictimized. And it has nothing to with "circumstances."

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