Should I make him define the relationship or continue to have sex with him?

My ex broke up with me because he felt I hurt him.. it's been a couple of months and we have still been around each other. He txts me everyday lately.. before we wld have sex at least 3xs a mth, but since I asked him about us he tells me he's not ready to be in a relationship with not just me but in general. I've told him if he cnt commit than ima leave but he tells me not to. Since he cnt commit i no longer have sex with him. He still kisses me. Apart of me feels maybe because i really hurt him he would like to take it slow and maybe having sex will make us bond even more (when we were together we wldnt have sex since I promised myself to do It when I was ready) now that we aren't together i gave it to him. Do you'll think what I'm doing is right. Or is stopping going to make us further apart?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sex is not a tool.

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    • I use to c it that way too but people make it seem like if they dnt have sex in a relationship it will not grow.. i hate that we have sex and yet he cnt commit.. i hate that he cnt commit and he will text me daily, hug me, kiss me.. like to me hugging is a form of showing u still care.. so it just all throws me off :/

    • Sex should not be used to push a relationship into being. Nor withheld to force something in a relationship. Sex is something wonderful for people to share, who love each other. If I guy is not willing to commit to a relationship then you must not act like it is a relationship. Unfortunately when one person is in love with the other but it's not fully reciprocated, then sex only serves to confuse and muddle the situation. Usually at a big cost emotionally. Sometimes the best thing we can do is to walk away and either the one we want will come after us or if not, at least we are open for the next person who comes along who is wanting us seriously. All these things are very difficult at times when we like someone who is playing around or don't know what they want, or don't want to commit. I know.1hour ago someone I was dating, at long last after so much pain in my life, started to open my heart to, just dumped me because they're unsure about commitment. I understand how painful it can be

    • Thanks for mho.
      As I had mentioned I was dumped because of fright of commitment on her part. An update: a couple of days later she came back to me and we gave it another whirl. Things were great for a while- then -again she's having problems with a relationship. Dumped me again last night. :(
      I don't get why things are so difficult, I have done all I can. I guess it is what it is.

      How have you fared? Hopefully better than I.

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What Guys Said 4

  • If he says he couldn't commit to anyone right now then he answered your question. Right now your just a periodic booty call. He gets sex with no commitment

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    • Ugghhhh. . than y does he do other things to show he cares.. why hug me why text me? I dnt get it..:(

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    • What do u mean?

    • He's telling you what you want to hear from time to time and making gestures from time to time to string you along. Its in reference to dangling a carrot in front of a donkey to get him to do what you want

  • @viperkiss he said it best " sex is not a tool." Spot on. You should not be using sex as a tool.

    Ever hear this saying - Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?

    If he doesn't want a relationship and you keep giving him sex, he is going to keep taking it. What you are doing is hoping that continuing the sex will get him into a relationship. Which is not the way to go about this and setting yourself up for failure.

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    • I guess I give it to him because back than when we were together he wanted sex and instead i made him wait.. so it's crazy how now that we broke up I'm giving it to him but he knew how special it was for me to give it away because he waited almost a yr because he really was in love with me everybody saw it and he spent every hr with me.. so I felt by me doing it now it shows how much he means to me.. n fyi we didn't break up because of sex but because he felt I hurt him by assuming I cldnt be trusted

    • Can I just correct something here. You are not giving him anything. You are taking sex from him. We always have this idea that woman are giving something in sex to a man. It is clearly not true. In many instances women are taking sex from a man for a purpose. The man is giving sex. I think this is one of those instances? As you say he wanted but you made him wait. Then you took sex when you wanted it.

    • Possibly.. but in my heart I treasured my purity and me giving it to me meant the world.. more than other girls would see it to be.. therfore i say that.. but I guess that's why he sees it as I didn't give him anything diff because he gave it to me too :/

  • You are either together or not and I think not at the moment. So why would you be having sex?
    I don't understand women have sex with guys that they have been in a relationship with and then it is in trouble or over, but they carry on. How confusing is that to everyone, because sex releases all these confusing hormones. He needs to get his act together and decide if you are together or not.

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    • It is confusing but it's him.. he knows how much I care for him I've shown him and he says he doesn't want a relationship right now and I've tried to distance myself or tell him we cnt do certain things and he still tries.. n I'm just weak enough to fall for it because i love him very much. He's told my friend b4 we r just friends but everybody says they c we cnt hide how we feel about each other.. it's like he denies his feelings to others but his actions say things diffrently.. i hate that he wnt just get with me.. I don't know what to do. I feel if I stay he will learn to get over his trust issues at the same time what if I wasting my time

  • How did you hurt him, apparently.

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What Girls Said 1

  • If he can't commit don't waste your time, you deserve someone who loves you and will be with you unconditional.

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