Is my ex in a rebound or is it serious?

Ok I'll try and keep this short. Me and my ex are both 19 years old and have dated for 3 years. About two months ago she moved to college and then about two weeks later she broke up with me. This breakup completley threw me off. About a week before I visited her and we had a great time (had sex- she's only eber been with me and I was her first love) and she told me how much she loved me and we talked about Our future like we usually do. I went home a day later and we started fighting. Usually when we fought we would fight but make up and would come out stronger. This time she didn't give me a chance. She ignored me for a week and would have nothing to do with me. During this week she contined go hang out with this new guy and her new dorm friends. At the end of the week she called and said that we fought to much and that she didn't love me anymore (after telling me a week before I was the most important person to her). Now she's always hanging round this guy and is flirting online with him and is always with him. I know she didn't cheat on me but she for sure had him lined up on the side. They are always together now and flirting. Although they aren't official I am 99% sure they are dating. She blocked me on all social media yet continues to follow my family and friends and has left all our romantic couple pictures online. I tried giving her space but messed that up everytime and may have pushed her away. I still love her and want her. My question is, is this a rebound relationship or just a fling? Is this just her party phase or is she done with me. Keep in mind she never gave me much of a real reason
Also this guy lives in the dorm which to me seems like it might be fun at first but can't be healthy. She hasn't known him for very long


Most Helpful Girl

  • She has found anew life, sweetie, this little cozy call called "College." And with it, she met someone who she is now with and even if they are Not Official, it appears they are Exclusive... for today anyways. I also think this why 'This time she didn't give me a chance.' She was seeing this Other newbie and now they have began their beguine which makes you start to Wonder and Worry------Is this a rebound relationship or just a fling?
    It may be just a phase right now she is going through,. This is all new to her, she is making friends here and enjoying the school days with a bit of a pizazz that she didn't have before and nothing will take her away from this.. at least for now. It's like a kid with a new toy...
    You both were a War of the Roses and in the end because of her new life and lifestyle she found, she made up her mind to move on for now and with another who may be Someone whom she is relating to today, tomorrow is could be someone different.
    However, to be fair, being she and you have had this history together, I am not saying she won't ever cal you again and even cry on your shoulder or just find an excuse to get back into your good graces. But with this in mind That could become a problem child pattern that you can't really trust... she has now changed and is not the same girl you used to know.
    Good luck. xx

    • Honestly I would give her a second chance but I'm not an idiot. I have changed and hope she will have changed for the better. If we do have a second chance I'll make sure snd let her know I'm not a game and she can't just come back and forth. Hopefully she'll be honest if she comes back

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    • Again you've been much help :) god bless you

    • Thank you, sweetie.. all we can do is pray and let everything be in God's hands.:)) xx

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What Girls Said 4

  • I don't think isn't nearly as complicated as the other comments make it out to be. You said you were her first? And she went to college then you guys broke up a few weeks later? Ah, pretty obvious explanation there don't you think? I understand that looking for a more complex reason might give you comfort but it sounds like she got to college and realised other people were attracted to her and she wanted to experience other things besides being in a long-distance relationship. It happens.

    • Does she not care about me? She had guys chasing her when we were in collegiate academy but she brushed them to the side for me. I feel used and she said I was dumb if I felt like that. It's just hard to get how she could brush me off like this when we did truly love each other.

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    • Thank you for the help. Most the questions I have are almost impossible to answer haha. Does this seem as if it could be a grass really isn't greener on the other side type deal?

    • I think it's just best to stop trying to figure out every little detail out, you may not get an explanation for everything so you need to accept the situation as it is and focus on yourself, have some new experiences of your own.

  • So, what I think is going on is she doesn't feel valued by you. Girls often look for affection from other guys when they feel undervalued by their significant other. She's not around to see you all the time, she's in a new environment, and she knows you're not moving on. All you can do is let her have this time to explore her options. I know what you're going through and I know how much it hurts. But you telling her what you want will not change her mind. Yes, you can try to ask her what happened, but she probably won't tell you. I would say, move on. Or act like you're moving on. When she comes home she will be back into a routine and if you're not there for her she will regret it. Let her have her fun, even though its not necessarily right for her to do this to you. You're her first everything, so she's not over you. Just give her time, and space. No contact. I can't emphasize that enough. Do NOT initiate any form of contact. Don't look at her social networks, don't text her, or anything. Let her come to you.

    • The unknown is the scary part. Is this something people often regret?

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    • Last week I tried talking to him about our relationship, and I asked him if he would give me a second chance (ps I broke up with him for a couple months two years ago, he changed, i gave him another chance, but then i ruined our relationship), and he said 'I don't know' Then I apologized for everything I did, I explained it's his choice and I can't force him to make a decision, etc... I just don't get it. Im so upset and I miss him. We both had the same goals in life, we grew together over the 3.5 years we were together, we are soul mates. I know some people don't believe in that kind of stuff, but I know he's the one for me. He had his proposal planned out, we knew what our future would be like-together. I just don't know what to do. I feel like each day drags on, and I hate not being able to show my love in ways I would when we were together. His mom keeps telling me not to give up, but I feel like I'm clinging onto false hope.

    • Well honestly there's not much you can do anymore. You gave him your heart and you've showed him you've changed for good. It's difficult when family is involved and wants it to work. He doesn't know what he wants but he can't just drag you along cause that's not right. He should be man enough to answer you so I believe y'all should have a heart to heart

  • tbh, don't most relationships start out as intended flings? so Im not sure how much a yay or nay on the fling deal is actually going to help towards your ultimate question (which is presumably 'am I going to get her back?')
    Right now though, it seems like fling territory. Even if one person is serious, as a general rule 'Both' parties aren't 100% in it right from the get-go.
    But dude, she's broken up with you and she's with someone else. Fling or not, right now its not healthy for you to be dwelling on notions of getting back with her. Easier said than done, I know, but the best thing you can do is use this time for working on yourself. Get some new hobbies. Learn new things. Get some interesting knowledge and anecdotes behind you. etc etc. Maybe the improved you will be more of a fit for her when she comes out of this relationship. Maybe you'll find someone who is even more of a fit for you! Trust me, I've met more than one person in my life who felt like 'they are the only one' at the time. They really aren't yknow!!!

    • I got back into a bunch of old hobbies and have started working out again which I try to keep busy with. Do you have any insight as to why she might keep all our photos and remain friends with my family?

  • I did this once to a guy (Alex) I really loved and cared for... I didn't see him for more then two weeks and I met this new guy that was from Spain. The new guy was so different and exotic that I forgot about Alex completely. I had a fight with him and told him I want nothing to do with him and he respected my wishes. But then tree days later I saw him at a party and when I did I just knew that I should have never left him and that I was still in love with him... but it was too late. Now he was the one that didn't want anything to do with me. So my advice to you is that you show up somewhere she'll see you. Be with your friends and be happy. If she sees you and still wants nothing to do with you... well then you should try to move on as much as it hurts you.


What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds like she doesn't really know what she wants either. I think you need to come clean with her and tell her how you feel about getting back together. Just about you wanting to get back together, her activities with that other guy and stuff is hard on you, but it isn't something you can forbid her to do. She is her own person after all. You're also in a quite vulnerable position, so it might not even be what you think it is.

    If she does decide to stay with that guy, just leave her be. You did the best you could and she left you. Don't over think things, it doesn't matter if he's a rebound or whatever. You have to give her the space to make her own choices, and even mistakes.

    Good luck.

    • I have tried talking but she's not very open to talking. She said we could be friends. Is all veery confusing. I've been trying to keep my mind clear cause I do know I have a habit to over think stuff but he got to close to fast and she his pictures of the two of them from right before the break up.

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    • Why would she have told me she loved me and talked about our life before? That confuses me most. And I'm not a person to do sexual things very easily. I have to give my whole heart before I'll start sexual stuff. That's left me feeling used and like she doesn't care

    • It's anyone's guess. An important thing to keep in mind is to take everything in moderation. Most people don't know what they say or what the promises they make actually mean. You can never be certain about this, they can mean the most wonderful things in one moment to one day wake up and not care at all. It's possible, and it happens.

      Again, my first advice was to talk to her about it, but since she has stated that she doesn't it's at this moment pointless to keep thinking about it. Let it go for now, try to enjoy life and do things you like. Being hurt and feeling used overcomes many, as only a very small percentages of all life long relationships were in fact, the first ones they had.

  • Welcome to my life bro join the club

    • It sucks when you give them everything. Do you think your girl will come back?

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    • I fear that they may last. I hope this is a rebound

    • I do not know man, but it does not sound good. It appears there may be a reason why you were fighting so much. Distance never helps. Guys can weasel there way in there when you are not around.

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