Unsure of our relationship?

Boyfriend of just around 3 years unsure of our relationship. He says he's depressed at the moment and doesn't know what he wants any more, with me with life, with anything.

He doesn't want to split up with me cause he doesn't want to rush into a decision he may regret. He changed his mind in a matter of days. Throughout our relationship we've always talked about how we would get married one day and have kids when we're ready and up until 4 days ago he said he still wanted it and begged me not to leave him because he's been a bit of a dick to me. Then suddenly 24 hours later he says he doesn't know if he wants any of that or even a relationship any more.

It's hard to distinguish if its because of the depression or how he really feels. Should wait for him and help him to get better or leave him to it? He asked for some time and space but I worry he's staying with me because he feel like he has to (i've asked him this which he has denied)

I don't want to give up on someone i've always saw a future with.


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  • First thing, does he have any disorders or perhaps been diagnosed with depression? Has a major family or personal life event occurred that has caused this? Once this is confirmed/ruled out, I think he is bouncing between ideas. It does seem arbitrary that he would want to start a family and then a few days later say he wants nothing to do with it. I think that if you can, give him some support and a little space to clear his head. However, this does not mean that you must take his moods or abuse. Encourage him but do not let him trample over you. Keep boundaries as this can end badly and painfully in certain circumstances.

    If after some time, he is still unsure and you pick up that his behaviour has changed, it could be his way to tell you that it is over.

    My advice is for him to be tested for depression/bipolar disorder. If it is a medical condition, it can be treated.

    Good luck!

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