Is it hopeless to pursue a friendship?

I met my best friend freshman year of high school and we were certainly inseparable. We talked everyday, helped out with the lows and celebrated with the highs. We both helped each other out with dating/advice, Me telling him a girls perspective and him a guys.
My junior year I developed feelings for him and I confessed, but he rejected me and I accepted this but still harbored these feelings, attempting to move on was difficult.
By Senior Year he said he loved me too, and we had a sort of complicated relationship, dating secretly and acting only as friends in public with others.
Yet about 3 times throughout the year he told me he didn't think this would work and that he wanted to date others. I bowed out each time and told him that i just wanted him to be happy, and each time if something didn't work he'd come back and hope to pick up where we left off.
At the end of our senior year i met a guy and I began dating him.
Now my Best friend refuses to talk to me because he says I cheated on him and that all the other times he was just lusting, that he truly loved me but I took his love and threw it away.
It had been so many times on and off I could not keep track of what we were and I feel offended that he is not willing to wish for my happiness as i had his.
He chose to join the military and is currently at BT, and while I acknowledge that he has limited use of phones or outter world contact, he has yet to send me a letter or call once (where I have heard friends he was not as close to comment how he calls them every sunday)
My boyfriend thinks that I should just ignore him and move on but I still think of him as my best friend, as he was a big part of my life.
I no longer think of him romantically but instead of as a brother.
Was I in the wrong for moving on to a new boyfriend? And is it pointless for me to try to keep a friendship?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Your not wrong for moving on. You were the first one to let him know how you felt and he rejected you. Then after that he said he wanted something more and kinda strung you along since he figured he could "pick up where y'all left off". Now you've moved on and found what I imagine is a good guy and instead of being happy for you he turns on you, what kind of friend is that? Maybe he'll come around but don't beat yourself up over it, your a cool person based on this question and he'd be silly to stop having you as a friend.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • No you were nowhere even close to wrong!!! You may feel hurt but if you think he is worth the effort try to be friends


What Girls Said 1

  • Honestly, exes as friends just does not work well in practice. As nice as it might sound to stay friends or whatever, it's always complicated and full of drama. A friend is happy for you when you've met someone new that makes you happy. A friend doesn't act the way he has in this situation. So no, I'd say trying to maintain a friendship here isn't the way to go.

    As far as his behavior in general, sounds like you are better off without him in your life, period. Come one now, he is wishy washy, flaky, and wanted to be with you 'in secret'? He'd want to go play the field and then come back when it didn't work out with the other girl? To top it off he accuses you of cheating and says that you threw his love away because this time it was 'for real'? The only reason he is saying those things now is that you've met someone else. Some guys are weird in that they might not want you at the moment, but the second some other guy is interested they suddenly love you and can't believe you'd do this to them. He sounds like a real jerk, sorry. I'd cut him loose.


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