I broke my bfs trust and now he seems to care about me still but I think he's still hurt.. how long does it take for him to look past this?

My bf broke up with me due to assuming I cheated on him and now he says I hurt him and eventually that he has moved past it.. but he still doesn't want to be with me and says I like the attn and every time I talk to a guy he gets jealous and says I must enjoy the attn. I really do love him and I have told him how i feel and how i wnt hurt him but it's easier said than done. So I'm wondering how long does it take for him to realize I didn't mean to hurt him.. that he can trust me again.. it's been 4mths since we've been broken up.. we are still around each other he still kisses me.. but he says he's not ready for a relationship right now. So someone please help me how long do you think it's normal for him to not trust me? What can I do? He tells me not to force anythi that's why I dnt show him things to show him I still like him except for hug him and text him I'm still interested.. someone please help


Most Helpful Guy

  • Trust takes a long time to achieve and is lost in a second. Unless you can explain to him that the assumption he made was wrong, then he will not trust you again.
    If he is convinced already, he may not want to listen.
    I know where he is coming from and often it is better to be alone than in a relationship where you can't trust the other person.
    Interestingly we always start with new people in a position trust normally and it is events, behaviour and lies that make us lose trust. On the other hand , we also all make mistakes and if it is flirting and jealousy then sometimes modifying behaviour not to flirt to the extent where it is disrespectful to a partner can be enough. The only solution is to talk with him about why he lost trust. What was incorrect in his mind and assure him that you understand how he feels and if it is possible, that it can be avoided in the future. Only then may he start to trust again. But one slip and all is gone.

    • I've told him before that it's not true what he thinks and he says I'm just a coward for not admitting it and he wld respect me more if I just wld admit to my mistakes but why shld I say sorry for something I didn't do. Instead I say im sorry for hurting him but it wasn't my intention. I try to talk to him but anything that mentions a relationship he shuts down and says I had many chances and yet I cont to talk to guys during the relationship (they were just friends) and now I have to live with me decisions because he gave me the single life. However, in my heart I feel he still hasn't fully let go.. like even if he tells me not to try to show him shld I still do it? I dnt want to be nagging but how else will he know how much I mean to him if I stop trying.. people tell me leave him alone and maybe than he will miss u.. to me i wld let go if I didn't feel anything. . but obviously he still is around. I've even told him ima distance myself n he says no

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    • You may be entirely correct that how he views things isn't true. Just telling him that isn't going to change anything if he's already made up his mind.

    • In my opinion there is the possibility that he is over jealous and is using your feelings for him to control you. If he was really making these moves out of complete non-trust then possibly he would have walked away. As you say you did nothing wrong, but possibly flirting, he may see this as a way of punishment and changing your behaviour by control.
      Now if that makes sense, the best position here is to be accepting. Clearly he still has affection for you and you say you have done nothing wrong. So you must do the hardest thing and accept. Say to him that you have strong feelings for him and that you accept that he is rejecting you.
      Once you accept rejection, twice YOU walk away.
      You tell him that and you cut off all contact and communication for a minimum of one month.
      This has the effect of stopping your torture and he then understands that he has lost you. Lost your affection. Lost the hugs.
      The alternative is he has his cake and eats it because he is in complete control.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Trust takes time to build, is easy to break, and takes a lot longer to rebuild. LSS As long as it takes.

    • I see :/ is there something you think I can do to improve.. i love him very much.. the fact he still around makes me feel he wants to be with me but that's why he doesn't want the relationship because he's scared.. i just hope he can look past it.. he tells me.. just be my friend and maybe in the future we can be more.. but him n I are not just "friends" we hug and kiss

    • You have to start from the beginning, again.

  • I'm sorry, but if he doesn't trust you, there really isn't anything else to say. You can wait until you're an old maid, and he may never change his mind. Maybe you behaved in ways to break his trust, maybe you didn't, but if he doesn't trust you (for a good reason or a poor one), then unfortunately it's over. For your own sake, you need to move on and start looking for someone else.

    • I understand what your saying the only thing here is he hasn't fully let me go.. like he still txts me everyday, hugs me and kisses me.. so maybe it's not a total lost cause?

    • He's doing the same thing as you... holding onto a past that isn't going to come back. You both need to take time away from each other (no communication) and give yourselves a chance to overcome your personal issues--you both have them and aren't addressing them. He needs to learn to trust and not be jealous. You need to learn to value yourself.

      I hope that is helpful to you. Get time apart, see how you feel, work on yourself, and be looking for other people to date. Maybe someday the two of you could work, but right now, it absolutely will not with the current underlying issues.

  • If I thought you cheated I wouldn't trust you again.

    • :( but what if you never saw her actually do anything just assume because she had guy friend s on her phone and went out with a guy friend and her girl friend but nothing hapnd

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    • If you were just talking to a guy like normal people would then he is too jealous. If it is a little more than that you need to decide if you can stop doing whatever it is and then after a while he will start trusting you.

    • Yes he gets jealous easily like if a cute guy passed by and told me hi and I was friendly he has gotten mad because he questioned the motive but it's because every since I went out with that guy things went downhill.. but yah I need to win his trust again.. :/ i hope one day he can move past this

What Girls Said 1

  • Since you've stated that you've never actually cheated on him, he honestly just sounds crazy as hell. He sounds very jealous and that is not something you need honey.


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