How to handle the relationship between my boyfriend, his daughter and her mother, and our personal life?

My boyfriend and I have been living together for a couple months, and I have been supporting him for the last month while he seeks new employment. Financially, this is very stressful. Add in that we have two dogs, one of which that is not fully potty trained, and that when I come home the house is a mess and he's just waking or relaxing, I wanna pull my hair out. It wasn't like this at first and it overlaps into other parts of our relationship, so we have issues. Were working on them, or we started to.
I knew when I met him he had a daughter whose mother left for 2 months, then after 4 of being around, left with her. He and his family had been trying rigorously to contact her since then. He painted a bad picture of her, though said he still loves her for his daughter. I knew one day, she may be part of my life, and I was willing.
A couple weeks ago, the mother posted something about wishing he was still around. He was angry when he told me, but elated when he told our friend. His family and I were suspicious when she finally responded to discuss custody, rights, visits, etc. to which he responded very poorly. It made me feel very insecure about where we stood.
I ask questions so I understand his plans and where I fit, to which he responds first defensively and then appreciatively. I'm so happy she's finally going to be around again, and I want to show my support, but how do I make sure our own issues are still addressed? I don't want to take away from his happiness, but I don't think we'll make it if we don't get on top of things at home and financially, and I don't want to put his daughter through another big change if that happens. How do I approach him to be more helpful and more urgent in his search for work, as well as about his plans, without seeming upset over the whole situation?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think that you just bring up the finances, and that you expect some help around the house. If you need to bring the daughter into it, mention that it looks better from a custody standpoint if he's employed and you are not living in a house with dog shit smell.

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  • You don't, let him get reacquainted with his daughter and just be supportive. However, you need to speak to him about the issues concerning you and him. If you let it go on he'll think it's acceptable and continue to do it.

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