I knew when I met him he had a daughter whose mother left for 2 months, then after 4 of being around, left with her. He and his family had been trying rigorously to contact her since then. He painted a bad picture of her, though said he still loves her for his daughter. I knew one day, she may be part of my life, and I was willing.
A couple weeks ago, the mother posted something about wishing he was still around. He was angry when he told me, but elated when he told our friend. His family and I were suspicious when she finally responded to discuss custody, rights, visits, etc. to which he responded very poorly. It made me feel very insecure about where we stood.
I ask questions so I understand his plans and where I fit, to which he responds first defensively and then appreciatively. I'm so happy she's finally going to be around again, and I want to show my support, but how do I make sure our own issues are still addressed? I don't want to take away from his happiness, but I don't think we'll make it if we don't get on top of things at home and financially, and I don't want to put his daughter through another big change if that happens. How do I approach him to be more helpful and more urgent in his search for work, as well as about his plans, without seeming upset over the whole situation?
Most Helpful Guy
I think that you just bring up the finances, and that you expect some help around the house. If you need to bring the daughter into it, mention that it looks better from a custody standpoint if he's employed and you are not living in a house with dog shit smell.1