She says she's not in love but keeps coming back?

So i split with my ex after 7 years a couple months ago because she said she's not in love with my anymore. After a few weeks she contacted me and said she wanted to see how things go and take it slow. After 2 weeks of this i asked if we were actually together but this seemed to scare her off and she called it quits but after a couple weeks from that she came back again and said she knows she want me now etc but i told her i wanted her to make sure this time so we spoke and met a couple times and then had an argument because it felt like she was treating me as just a friend and if thats the case id rather her distance herself till she's sure. She decided to leave again and told me that she thinks she's been coming back out of comfort and is scared to be on her own, she's not in love with me, she wants to move on and knows that this is what we need to do now... This happened a few days ago and we haven't spoke since. I really don't know if this is it this time or if she's gonna come back again, tbh it seems she wants what she can't have. Its my birthday tomorrow and she's still got a week booked off work from when we were meant to spend it together so I'm hoping that it will hit her as much as its going to hit me and shell come back during this time but maybe I'm just wishful thinking. I don't think shell even message me on my birthday and if she does i don't know if i should even reply. I really do love this girl more then anything and i don't want to lose her. Can anyone give some advice on what i should do and if they think this is really it?


Most Helpful Girl

  • 7 years is a long time, if she was already prepared to throw it out of the window the first time saying she's not in love with you anymore, that's a first big clue. she probably thought of giving it another try cause she suddenly freaked out at the idea of being alone and single (if you've been in a relationship for 7 years, that's tuff shit to deal with).. but not because she 'realized' in 2 weeks that she loves you again. she even admitted that 'she thinks she's been coming back out of comfort and is scared to be on her own, she's not in love with me, she wants to move on'.. what else do you need to know? it's over, be strong and move on. you'll find someone who will be into you for the right reasons, not because of fear of loneliness. and don't be afraid of loneliness yourself either!

    • I know that she made it clear by saying them things but when we were 'seeing how things go' both times, she would talk about me in her future, tell me she loves me, talk about planning holidays and moving out together and things like that. When i would bring it up after and ask why she talks about these things but then says she wants to leave she tells me she just said them because she wanted the feelings to come back, but these were things that i didn't pressure her into saying or even bring up, she said these things all on her own so it really confuses me and i never know if she's saying what she really means or just because of the mood she's in. I guess you maybe right though and this is really the end because if she truly was the one she would never be doing this.

    • point is, even if she comes back for good (or at least for a long period of time), you know now it will be only because of fear of being alone, or because she couldn't find anyone else 'better'. would you then patiently wait it off until that 'better' man comes over? do you wanna feel like 'second best' all the time? she's bored and doesn't like you for you. i know they say 'let them go and if they come back then it's true love'.. but that applies only to people who actually never stated they 'don't love you anymore'.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I really dont think this is healthy for either one of you. She is coming back because you are her security blanket, she likes the idea of you but not you. I know that sounds mean, but I think thats the honest truth. She needs to move on and you do as well. Dont you want a girl that loves you for you? I know 7 years is a long time, and this isn't going to be easy. I think being friends would also be very difficult because those feelings are always going to be there. And you need to move on.
    If she says happy birthday, be nice and say thank you. But dont lead her on. She will come crawling back. I dont know if saying she is 'using you' is the right word but that is what it sounds like.

    • I know I'm her security blanket thats why i tried to distance myself and last time we spoke i told her to leave me alone now. I know your probably right its just so hard after 7 years with so many memories. We both know we can never be friends and wouldn't even attempt to be. I know its such a horrible feeling knowing that. We split for 3 months about 2 years ago with basically the same reasons, I begged her back for the 1st month like a desperate idiot but then i finally gave up and started meeting up with another girl and when she found out she wanted me back. Up until the last few months before we split things have always been great. This is what makes me think she wants what she can't have because she's a very stubborn person and its not till i give up that she gives in completely.

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