Break up over racist parents? How can a 27 Korean man be so controlled by his parents that he just turns his feelings off?

I dated a wonderful man for a while. We were always so happy together and I loved him. He is Korean while I am white and a foreigner living in Seoul. Everything in our relationship was going great until he decided he wanted to tell his parents about me. He never expected their response. They told him to either choose me or them. They were furious that he was with me because I am white.

His parents were more conservative than he thought. They harassed and pressured him so much that he broke up with me. He confessed he didn't have the confidence to fight them all the time. He thought that if we got married we could never be happy with his parents hating us. I asked him to try to give it time or to date me in secret but he said it would be too difficult. Now I have no idea what to do. I am completely heartbroken and nothing I do is making it better.

To make things worse its like he has numbed himself. Now he acts like we never dated. Yes he still texts me and talks to me in phone calls, but its like he has turned off the love. And just says, "it's over." How can someone that was so amazing a few days ago just turn it off because his parents tell him to? He's 27 years old. Its just so hard for me to understand.
Updates:
Yeah I know its culture. But the thing that really throws me is how he has numbed himself? He seems like a different person.
Also I find it odd how they use my race as an excuse now, but years ago when he dated a Korean girl his parents did the same thing. Only instead of race they said they just didn't like her. He fought with his parents for a year until he decided he had to break up with her.. I don't understand how they could wreck their son's happiness for no reason. His only option now would be to date someone they introduce to him.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can't speak for the parents but it is well known that mixed race and mixed culture marriages fail much more often. Plus children won't look like them, your values are different, he might move to US... Bad for the family and he wants his family more than you, which is not that unnatural.

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    • Yeah I guess, but I live in Seoul with no intentions of moving back to the USA. He lived in Canada for many years so we understand each other well. I also know a lot of Korean. Its just unfortunate.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I am married to a Korean man. I hate to say this but if that is the ultimatum his parents gave him and he's taking it seriously, walk away. He will never change his mind. You will never understand because culturally we would never just "cut" someone out. Yet culturally there it is almost common. They never grow out of it. Abd tbh if that's the kind of relationship he has with his parents, take it from me, you are sooooo lucky not to have taken it farther with him.

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    • Yeah I guess so. I just wish I could turn off my feelings too so I wasn't in so much pain.

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    • @Opinion Yeah you are right they take there children for further specially rich one they would never let there sons marry a normal girl and they take arrangement married, Marriage for them is a business not a life of 2 people they raise there daughter for that.

    • @asker, and even the ones who accept you and are super nice to you will drop you like a rock if you're talking marriage with their kids. I don't know how he can turn so cold, but somehow they can. Don't try to understand. You never will.

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What Guys Said 1

  • he sounds extremely dictated by his parents , "probably" because he work for them? ( family business)..

    just my two cents..

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    • No he doesn't work with them. They live in another city while he lives in Seoul with his older brother.

What Girls Said 4

  • Korean, Japanese and chines people are the must Racist in the world turned off u too, date someone else and this time ask him if his parents would accept you before you involve with him, the nicest Korean are Muslims one because they know Racist doesn't exist in the religion.

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    • That's the funny part. When I asked him on our first date if his parents would mind us dating he told me no they don't care about that. Now we know he was wrong... ugh. They most definitely cared about my race.

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    • Even after meeting them I'd be cautious. The amount of control they will have over your life is no joke. Just wait until kids are in the picture and your mother in law wants to move in with you!!!

    • Korean mothers are extremely clingly.

  • We are very filial people. Our parents will always be before our spouse. From young, we were taught to respect and be grateful of our parents and elders. That's why a lot of Korean marriages fail, because of the parents. If your parent says A, you have to do A or you will be labelled as defiant.

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  • That's their culture, their parents rules their life with an iron fist and they know it's better to accept their disapproval rather than fight it. Sad but true.

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    • With an iron fist!!!

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    • @unknownxyz dude... you need a good meal right now and forget all about this fantasy shit.

    • The only thing I need to feed is my bloodthirsty urge to hit people with my Iron fist! I need to get stronger by drinking soma! Futanari gods, give me the strength of a though suns! Boom!

  • Asian parents have a lot of say in their kids lives. I remember I had one friend who had to take what her parents wanted her to in college because they wouldn't help her if she didn't take accounting. Another girl I knew cried because she got an 89% on a paper and she said her parents would be mad she didn't get over 90%.

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