Are you able to move on from your current relationships without hurt or anger? Are you able to fully move onto a new relationship without forgiving the last person?

#GAGExpertChat Are you able to move on from your current relationships without hurt or anger? How do you go about forgiving an ex, do you need closure or can you move on without it? Are you able to fully move onto a new relationship without forgiving the last person?
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This also has me thinking, are you friends with your exes? If a friendship existed before a relationship should the friendship last?
Do you think closure helps you get over someone or is this something we tell ourselves to feel better temporarily

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What Guys Said 32

  • I broke up with my ex about a month ago and since then we stopped talking. We were talking the first week after I broke up with her, but it didn't feel the same and I honestly didn't have anything to talk with her about. (Which is one of the many reasons I broke it up) You can keep the friendship going, it just takes effort from both people that wasn't there anyways. So why spend so much time trying to talk to your ex, when the reason why you broke up is probably because you didn't want to use all of that energy on that person anymore?

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  • I think this is a great question and i think you will get some very different results, but if there's a correlation that would be phenomenal.

    I think breakups can be relieving, hurtful, or cause anguish.
    When I have been hurt, I am able to forgive the person, but this forgiveness has nothing to do with moving on.
    When i exit a relationship angry I am never able to forgive the person and I exit as a different person. Whether this mean I moved on or not I don't know but in some cases i improve as a person but in others I become worse.
    A relieving breakup usually causes the other party to become hurt or angry and I think in the long term makes you think whether you handled it right and if you are a good person or not.

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  • Unfortunately I'm not a very forgiving person, but what I realised is that its very important. People aren't perfect and life is not a fairy tale. People do make mistakes and relationships do require work. We can choose to leave them for the one or two bad things that they did, or we can choose to live with them for all the other good memories that we share with them.
    If you can't forgive, then one day there will be no one left and you'll be left all alone. At the end of the day, its always better to be remembered as good human being.

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  • My ex put me through quite a bit before we broke up and I was hurt but after seeing how she was basically over it before we broke up after spending countless nights thinking of all the good times... They began to feel less and less... Worth feeling.. She lost feelings for me in the relationship, I lost them outside of the relationship... I thought closure would help me move on but it did the opposite. I think it's something we tell ourselves hoping that something good will come from it. Me and my ex aren't friends and at this point In my life after what happened I don't think I'll ever be friends with my exes.. My ex now totally ignores me and I do the same.. After almost a year together we don't even exist to each other. She ended up basically telling people all the wrong I did to her instead of what she did which also helped me move on quicker. I wouldn't keep a friendship with my ex. Period. I forgive her even though she may never hear from me again, but we are cool..

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  • I just can't get over this post here

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  • Am I being too "clingy"? Should I give my GF more space while I'm away? Or is my GF losing interest in me?

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  • There are some I'm still friends with. Others who hate me. Others who I can't stand to be around. Some that I still have a lingering romance with.

    I don't feel like I have closure in every case. I do know its possible to find it, I've found it for some relationships. I also know that you can't expect to get it from the love that you've lost; sometimes all you can do is walk away and move on. I don't know if that necessarily involves forgiveness, as much as it involves getting involved with new things with the space that loss opens up in ones life.

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  • Relationship's really do hurt everyone in some way or another. socially as men thats you're pride when it fucks you over it can leave you feeling really hurt and worthless. even just meeting the opposite sex socially as friends doesn't always stay that way life is hard regarding break ups and one big cocktail of emotions. i guess finding someone on your wavelength and who you are compatible with is vital. that's not so easy to find out these days without getting hurt though. ps this site is so good really helped me in seeing other peoples opinions on certain things, its horrible to feel so alone in your own thoughts this site took that away from me sort of. :) so thanks GAG and to all it's users. goodluck to all :)

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  • Yes I can do so.

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  • My situation is a bit different.

    I was involved in just two relationships. Both ended up cheating on me, because the other guys (whom they cheated with) were a lot better looking than me. This was over 4 years ago, and although I have definitely moved on from them, I have become extremely insecure about my looks.

    So now, I have never approached a woman with romantic intentions in over 4 years now. I have developed a morbid fear of rejection. I'm of the impression that women i approach will reject me anyway due to my looks (I'm quite short at just 5'7", I have a boyish face which makes me look 23 although I'm 28, and the men of my race are loathed all over the world) and even if they accept me, they are sure to dump me when they find a better looking man.

    I don't have any intentions of dating a super gorgeous women who is way above my league, anyway. Looks aren't my priority at all. But I'm feeling like me developing a romantic interest in any woman, would be just setting myself up for disappointment. It has a reached a point where, even if I begin to feel a slight romantic interest in a woman, I kill my feelings before they can grow any stronger.

    So does this mean I haven't yet moved on from my past relationships (I don't think this is possible, because I don't think of my exes anymore), or do I have some other issues?

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    • I think you haven't moved on from the damage from your past relationships. I don't think hen it comes to finding true love, looks are important enough to leave one person for the next, over time looks fade, think about it, when you really get to know someone you look at them differently... not in a manner that is judging them on their looks constantly. I think that no matter what you look like, you can find love, and that your looks are less important than how you feel about yourself. IF you think your looks define your self worth and how you feel about yourself, then it is a problem you should seek help for.

    • Thanks for the response.
      I don't think my self worth is dependent on my looks, because I'm proud of what I am and the things I have achieved (which isn't much, but still better than a lot of other people). But that doesn't change the way women see me, right? i mean... almost everyone says they can only date someone whom they're 'physically attracted' to. While that may be true, I really can't do much about the looks I was born with (except drastic things like plastic surgery, which i don't want to consider right now).
      Besides, women today are far less approachable than they were earlier. And I personally feel that getting a woman to say 'yes' for a date is a tougher task than climbing Mount Everest. For example, if I have 10 good traits in me but the woman I'm, interested in is looking for something else other than the 10 I already have, then I'll obviously be rejected.

  • I don't forgive bad stuff, minor things sure, but not unfaithfulness or selfishness.

    The thing is not to be consumed by hatred for another person, even if they screwed you over. I always view them with a mild contempt, but through a courteous smile. I take the lessons from that failed relationship and make sure I learn them. I'm not going to make the same mistakes twice.

    Moving on and trying to do better is the way. No matter what they're doing, even if they go and get a rich man and have kids and live happily ever after in the house next door, I'll stay focused on me.

    Be happy without them, if they aren't around, you're happy anyway. If they are, then you're showing them you're cool without them, it's a dignified way of saying fuck you.

    I think forgiving somebody who tore your heart out is very very weak! But that doesn't mean you have to hate them so much it becomes a negative thing. Just. Fuck 'em.

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    • I think that maybe we have to see both sides of the coin, unless the person who broke your heart was mean spirited, they may have acted in a manor that hurt you but not directly. Which is why I think forgiveness, fully, is so important and not weak. When you forgive someone it ins't to say that you don't care what they do, it's understand our part in the role and understanding it just wasn't our path to be with them. Even when someone cheats, it's usually because they are too afraid of walking away and are seeking an escape, usually (though not always) they are not doing it to intentionally hurt you.

    • I can't make excuses for people. Sometimes people exhibit really selfish, inconsiderate and immature behavior. To me this makes them worth less as a person. I don't carry baggage with me to the point I'll go out of my way to spite them, but if they wan't a favor, they can keep wanting.

What Girls Said 33

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