Boyfriend slept with 9 girls when we were on a break? Do I have a right to be angry?

We got together in our first year of uni, when we were 18, and we stayed together for 6 years. It was important to both of us that we waited to have sex with someone we really cared about and 6 months into the relationship we lost it to each other.

6 weeks ago I told him that we needed to take a break, I didn't know who I was outside of the relationship. He took it pretty badly and just avoided me. About a week ago I got in contact with him and we started up again. I knew that he'd been with one other girl, but he told me today that it was actually 9! He said that he thought that it was a break up and that he thought that he waited to have sex for nothing.

I don't know what to think. Do I have a right to be angry? He's had sex with 10 girls now. I was with one other guy but we never had sex, only other stuff. It makes me feel sick thinking about it.
Updates:
He wasn't lying about it. It was a heart to heart moment where we were telling each other the truth, so that we could move forward.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • sorry no you don't have a right to be angry. it was your decision to take a break. however you can be sad. the fact that he slept with that many women... well it shows that he doesn't really care as much as you do about your relationship. if he really cared for you he wouldn't have slept with anyone.

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    • I know that he would have never cheated on me if we were still in a relationship. I don't think it means that he doesn't care.

      He said he thought that i had left him and he was trying to make himself feel better.

    • well obviously you still want him because you're defending him right now. you know what you want. you don't need me to tell you :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, unless you talked explicitly about what a "break" meant and mutually agreed that you would not have sex with other people during your break, then in my opinion, he hasn't done anything wrong and I don't think you have the "right" to be angry.

    You can certainly feel hurt or bothered by the fact that he had sex with other people. That said, if you want to have a relationship with him, particularly a healthy relationship, you're going to need to find a way to get past those feelings. If you don't think you can, then you shouldn't resume the relationship.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 21

  • If he knew it was 'just a break', hell yes, be mad. He may say he was angry, but 6 is too much if he cares about you. You deserve to be treated better than that.

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  • Sorry asker, but I don't think you have the right to be angry. As others are (correctly) saying, you initiated the break. But even more than that, you can't be angry at him without truly knowing why he did it.

    I think what's making you upset is the way you are interpreting this. Maybe you're looking at it from an angle like "Oh, so as soon as we went on this obviously temporary break, he used it as an excuse to get as much action as he possibly could". But this could just as easily have been a guy trying to cheer himself up after what he perceived as being a permanent break-up. And why shouldn't he see it as permanent? Imagine if a guy told you that he wanted a break. Would you immediately process his words in a totally literal way and immediately recognise the temporary connotations that "break" has? Fuck no, you'd be devastated because you're a human with irrational emotions like everyone else. And then you'd find some kind of vice to cheer yourself up.

    It just so happens the vice he needed was meaningless sex. "Meaningless" being the all-important word, by the way. As others are saying, 9 girls in 6 weeks is insane. I can't imagine he really FELT anything at all for those girls, do you? Obviously I'm technically a clueless stranger, but from where I'm saying it was actually kind of brave/respectful for him to even tell you it was 9.

    It's also possible he's a petty liar hell-bent on revenge, but I think you get my point?

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  • Nope u shouldn't... you're letting your emotions get the best of you.

    "taking a break" = break up, you can't put people on relationship lay-a-way!

    If you're not monogamously together, you're broken up.

    So he is free to do as he pleases... and he did.

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  • You asked for a break, he didn't know if you were getting back together (from what you say, he figured it was over) so he went out to try and get over it. One way to get over it is to meet other girls and remind yourself that you're not an unattractive loser who just got dumped.

    You're probably feeling sick like you've thrown it all away, and unfortunately you probably have.

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  • I can't imagine someone *not* having a right to feel a certain way. 9 girls in a six week period is definitely not normal. Neither is saying he waited "for nothing." I honestly doubt that not "having him on hold" for that break period is really what upsets you so much as it is the fact that he doesn't truly love you so much as he was "attached" to you. I wouldn't recommend continuing to see him.

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  • You have absolutely no right to be mad.
    "A break" is just a kind way to say break up. It's "A break" from the relationship and therefore he was effectively single. That's why he took it so hard and he had every right to do what he did

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  • You have absolutely no right to be angry. You took a break without even thinking about how it affected him. So as far as I care you should be grateful he even took you back

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  • That is a lot, maybe he went nuts since it was the first time he was "single" in 6 years, its up to you to try and put it behind you or move on, but w/e you do dont sleep with a bunch of guys to "get back at him"

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  • "I told him that we needed to take a break"

    This one is on you, sweetheart.

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  • No, you don't have a "right" to be angry. You brought it on yourself by requiring a "break". You basically threw him to the wolves. If you feel sick, its on you hon. when a girl requires a break, it tells us guys that we aren't wanted, so we reach out, and in his case, he caught 10 cases that told him that he is still desirable. Next time, think on your feet.. or he will leave. there's only so much a guy can take from a girl before he leaves.
    We like to feel wanted (its not just you girls that feel that way) so when you do crap like that, we (unlike girls) are not afraid to reach out. He overcompensated, sure, but it means he really liked you and was really hurt by that, he had to.

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  • The whole idea of a "break" is stupid. It is a break up, he was single, he had the right to do what he wanted. You did also, both of you had the right to go and enjoy yourselves.

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  • No, you don't have a right to be angry. You don't have a right to expectations about someone else's sex life while you are not with them.

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  • Hence why you don't take breaks. It's like temporarily voiding a contract.

    Sucks, but that's the truth. You can be angry, but it won't do much.

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  • he's a liar. 9 girls in six weeks? he's trying to make you feel like crap.

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  • You initiated the break up (and "taking a break" is just a half assed, cowardly break up), so no, you've got no moral high ground.

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  • No. You made the choice to take a break. What was he supposed to do, wait for you? For all he knew you were gone for good.

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  • Girls and their stupid breaks. You should have expected it. You caused this.

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  • No you were on break

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  • No you broke up with him

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  • If you didn't want him being with other people, why did you call for this "break"? People taking these breaks nowadays are just trying to convince themselves that it's not an actual breakup. You two split, he did his own thing because you two weren't a couple at that point, you're back together now, but you're treating this split like it wasn't a split but was a split but really wasn't an actual split... or whatever.

    So no, you don't have a right to be upset.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Woah, it seems like he built it up!! 9 girls in 6 weeks? Technically it might seem like it's okay for him to do that but I believe it's hard to be with someone when you have feelings for another girl, let alone being with 9 people. Besides, whether you have the right to get angry or not, at the end of the day the thing that matters is how you feel.

    *this reminds me Rachel and Ross*

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  • HELL YES WOMAN!! In fact it's absolutely appalling... if it was 1 or 2 girls, okay, but 9? Wtf, is he some sort of sex predator? Damn!!! It's not a good look. Hope you're condomizing with this dude now that he's off his little spree.

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  • Nope, you have no right to be angry. You told him that you wanted a break, so he was no longer committed to you

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  • He's probably lying but if it's true, then yeah, you have every right to be mad.

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    • Why does she have a right to be mad about some guy that isn't her boyfriend banging some chicks?

    • Show All
    • They're the same thing, only one is temporary. Only immature children purposely take "breaks" from their significant other.

    • @rthomas43 k man

  • Don't kiss him now.

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  • Well you did say you wanted a break, so you shouldn't feel angry.

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  • He is lying, to make your decision a punishment.
    I guarantee that if he had sex at all it wouldn't have been with more than one other girl.
    The fact that he was a virgin before you and I know very few guys who can just go out and get girls on a whim... how long was this break? I am fairly certain he is full of shit.

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  • Well for starters, "breaks" are retarded. If you need a break you don't really want to be with that person.
    Also, he thought it was a breakup, so he's not really in the wrong.
    Annnnd lastly, 9 women in 6 weeks is ridiculous. I wouldn't date him again.

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  • you have a right to be a little irritated tbh, but it goes both ways. i think if you really love him you guys could move past this, it was an honest mistake you guys were basically broken up for a while so forgive and forget i guess?

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  • It's true a break's a break, but of course you're going to feel angry and upset about what he did. Now you have to decide if you can continue the relationship knowing that, or not.

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  • Two words: kill him

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