Ex-Wife wants to reconcile, should I admit the sex I had while separated?

In short, I've been separated from my ex-wife since April. I initiated the divorce because we were always fighting. We split, filed all the papers, and have been living separately. No kids, we were married 7 years and we are both in our 30s.

My ex-wife and I have stated talking again and we hung out last night for several hours. I've had sex with several women while we were separated, but no serious relationships. My ex knows about one of the women, she says it will be very difficult to overcome knowing I had sex with her regularly when we were separated. She wants to know all the details and she is asking me to cut ties with the women I was seeing.

I still love my ex, but she will flip if I told her the truth. I was having sex, including threesomes with two women I have known for years when we split. I don't think she would ever forgive me. I want to go into this honestly, but that would crush her.

What should I do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't tell her. No need to cause her pain. You were separated and whatever relationship you may have is fresh.

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    • Thanks. It may not be right, but I don't want to hurt her. She knows I had sex and admitted it. I think telling her all the additional info will just hurt grr.

    • Yeah, I'm all for honesty in a relationship, but you weren't in a relationship with her when you had these relations so not necessary. Hope you both can work out your differences and move forward together:-)

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What Girls Said 3

  • You split up due to constant fighting. What makes you think things will be any different now?

    You said it yourself, if you told her about other women, she will flip. So you're back to square one.

    She's clearly not of the understanding kind, if she can't accept the fact that you had sex with other women after you BROKE UP.

    Why do you want to pursue this relationship, if it's just gonna cause you the exact same pain again?

    Stop kidding yourself and move on. You're not meant to be together, especially when she expected you to not touch other women since you split.

    Count your losses and MOVE ON.

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    • Sorry, didn't want to make a huge post. You make fair points. We have decided to go into counseling regarding our issues. I think you're right that its somewhat unreasonable for her to consider it cheating as we have papers in the courts and have been apart. I can understand how she would be crushed tho, one of the women she knows. If she found out I was having threesomes with her, she would lose her mind.

    • Being upset is understandable, but if she flips out over it, she doesn't understand what a break up actually means.

      I personally think what you're doing is a very bad idea. If you can't be honest with this person, how can you possibly reconcile?

  • There's nothing to profit by telling her about your escapades during your separation. If the "other" person (or persons) is a situation where your wife is likely to find out about it, then probably better confess it and thus avoid the shock six months from now when she finds out about it somewhere else. But if the situation is such that its virtually impossible that she would ever find out, I say just don't bother to mention your moments of indiscretion.

    And as for the woman she already knows about, I agree with the wife -- you need to cut all ties to that woman. (Seriously now, despite our claims of being open minded, NOBODY wants their significant other to have ongoing contact with a person that has seen him/her naked. It is one thing to know your sig other has been with other people, but nobody wants to have to look at that person.)

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  • If u want to work on it again, I would say go for it. But don't tell her... its only going to hurt her more. She dint need to know, but inc ur with her all that stuff should be over

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