How long will it take to get over my emotionally abusive first love, that I am STILL in love with?

I met my ex a year ago at University and dated for a little over 11 months. He was perfect at the start, we were inseparable/obsessed with each other, to the point our friendship circles suffered. Nothing mattered though, only each other. I was a commitmentphobe before meeting him and I felt safe enough to fall, head over heels. I graduated, and he is continuing his studies currently. I travelled 100 mile roundtrips to be with him every week through Summer and now.

But 2 months ago he began to change. He would argue with me, threaten me, tell me I cannot find anyone better than him. It scared me. He would break things in rage. In the end I couldn't open up anymore in fear it would spark up a rage. His latest rage which lead to our break up involved him wishing the worst things would happen to me, throwing bar stools around, calling me a deluded, twisted, psychotic head case who spreads evil amongst everyone. He told me all that I deserve is for everyone to block and delete me from their lives because I am a disgusting little girl worth nothing. He wouldn't let me speak anymore. I was totally controlled. I would cry, wail and it wouldn't affect him. He would never apologise either and instead, blame his rages on me, saying that I deserved everything I got because "it's not his fault I was acting like a psychotic hormonal mess".

Back when he fell in love with me, he told me he was the luckiest man alive, I felt I was the luckiest woman alive, too. I still did. I'd do anything for him. He asked me to mother him, and I said of course, anything. He doesn't think he's changed at all.

We broke up - fourth break up in 2 months. But this time is for good - I began feeling damaged by the words he would call me. But I miss him. I think I became codependent on him, and depend on him for my happiness.

I just want to know how long it will take me to get back to the happy, single person I once was, again. Anyone have any similar stories?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • How long will it take to get over my emotionally abusive first love, that I am STILL in love with?

    -Why in the fuck would you still be in love with someone who emotionally abused you?

    He was perfect at the start

    -Nobody is perfect, no matter how smexy, smooth, muscled or defined they are. Especially abusive pieces of filth.

    to the point our friendship circles suffered. Nothing mattered though, only each other

    -The second this started happening you should have rethought your relationship.

    threaten me, tell me I cannot find anyone better than him. It scared me. He would break things in rage.

    -Red flags. Breaking things in anger should have been a cue to get out of the relationship right then.

    fourth break up in 2 months.

    -Four breakups in 2 months is a sign that something is seriously wrong. Again, why did you not take this cue?

    I think I became codependent on him, and depend on him for my happiness.

    -He is still controlling you if you are like this.

    I just want to know how long it will take me to get back to the happy, single person I once was, again.

    -Get therapy.

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  • We never really get over our first love. It can take forever. The only shortcut will be for someone else to come along and treat you way better than the first guy did. Then the healing will get faster.

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  • I do, and a long time. Luckily, there are solutions. If you're serious I'd love to talk to you about this.

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