It's not you, It's Me. Is it really though?

My boyfriend just broke up with me. A little backstory on both of us, we started casually hooking up about six months ago, and full disclosure, it was pretty soon after I got out of a long term relationship. He got a divorce two years ago and hasn't really dated anyone seriously since. I was fine with the casual situation at the time but things started to progress. We started dating, going on trips, hanging out every weekend... things seemed to be on a very good track and we were very happy spending time together. Eventually we made it official that we were together, and everything seemed wonderful. We always have fun and laugh and smile together, and everything seemed to flow very naturally between us. We both talked frequently about how much we liked our relationship, and even said "I Love You".

Fast forward to last week, when out of the blue I was told he was having second thoughts. He felt we rushed into things, that he didn't see us taking our relationship to the next level because he doesn't want a relationship, and that he thought we should end things now. He says that he just doesn't feel that he is ready for a committed relationship and wants to be on his own for a while and that he really hasn't been since his divorce (he has roommates), but that he is still attracted to me and cares for me... that we have the best sex ever... that its truly not me and that I'm amazing and he was lucky to be with me. He has sent me confusing texts during the week saying he still misses me and is having a hard time with the situation too.

I know getting back together is off the table, he is sticking to his guns on this. I have cried and tried to make it happen, and I lost some dignity in the process lol. I guess I come from the perspective that if you love something, you hold on to it... so I'm wondering if any guys out there think this needing to be single thing sounds legit? I really just want to understand his side of things so I can start to move on...


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  • Give him space and just plain ignore him so he can truly know what he missed because it seems like he wants it both ways which is not happening (right?) He's getting comfortable knowing you'll always be there which is allowing him to be able to push you away. He needs to man up and get over the first relationship he was in.

  • My ex used that on me in a not "its not you, its me." It kind of means it is you, and its like a warning sign for getting dumped. But anyways I would give him some space. Most guys use that as a break up line, to make it seem like it isn't you when it really is you. You can't make someone want to be in a relationship with you or make them love. If they care about you more than a friend then nothing will or should keep them away. Its like a break up line, I looked it up after my ex and I broke up a couple of months ago. He really does need to man up though and make up his mind. He needs to figure out what he wants in a women. It seems like he wants you but at the same time he doesn't. He really needs to figure out what he wants in a relationship or what kind of relationship he wants inside of just pushing you away and stringing you back in.


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