Living with ex and getting them back?

I blew my relationship by being too needy and kept bringing up issues when it was mainly in my head. I created a lot of pressure for her love and affection for my happiness and I know now that was absolutely the wrong thing to do. I've done a good bit of research on how to get them back and they all talk about the no contact period. Well, that's impossible because I live with her. Going out really isn't much of an option either due to funds. I've taken steps to start making myself happy again like working out, trying to connect with some of my friends/family that live close and have started anti depressants back up. I know meds aren't the cure for my issues, but it's at least helping me level back out. I needed to do something fast to stay "happy" and positive around her.
There's nothing toxic going on when we are around each other and it's quite a bit as well since I'm currently unemployed and she works from home. I'm in the process of getting a new job and my employment has been very stable so that's not an issue.
So the last we talked about this she said things like I think we work better as friends, we're a good team, there's no sense in beating a dead horse, I'm not giving you what you need. When things were good, that wasn't the case. Everything was good. I was happy. The problem is I lost sight of keeping a life of my own and depending on myself to make me happy. A lot of this has to do with not having any local friends. I live in an area that's pretty far from my friends now so I'm pretty much starting over since I don't want to really have all the same friends she does which is currently the case. I have a long road ahead of me to achieve this, but I'm working on it.
For the time being, I'm not going to try to convince her to get back together, I'm going to work on making myself happy and get professional help once I get my income back. My question is, what is the alternative to the no contact rule if I'm living with her?


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What Girls Said 1

  • A relationship sounds like the wrong this for you right. Firstly she doesn't want to be with you, you have to accept that and yoy don't want to have to convince someone to be with you, that's pathetic. Secondly, you have other issues going on that aren't dealt with, even a new job or time out with friends won't make you less needy or insecure, you have to do the hard work and work on those issue in your mind and understand why you act that way and build your self-confidence or you will just do the same thing in the relationship. You won't be doing her or yourself any favours.

    • Well, that did come off that I'm a needy person, but what really happened is I stupidly panicked and did every wrong thing you could possibly do. Of course, in hindsight I can totally see that and I wasn't being that guy she fell in love with... hence why I stated that I'm not going to try convincing her getting back together. Actions speak louder than words. Getting her back will be a decision she will have to make for herself, but there are obviously things I can do to help that. I know that getting back to myself is important which I will be working on. The advice I'm trying to get here is if the no contact rule really isn't an option, what is the best thing I should be doing while we are together. I know mostly what I should be doing is staying strong and positive. I was hoping to see if there were other suggestions since it isn't talked much about. What I see mostly is how toxic living with your ex can be not what you can do to turn it into a positive outcome.

    • You should start trying to find a new place to live. The relationship is over and your ex doesn't seem to have any interest in fixing things so act accordingly. If you just keep living with your ex you're hurting yourself and she'll know your trying to put off moving in the hopes of staying with her but she'll just think it's pathetic.

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