Will seeing him in person bring me closure and help me move on?

There's a guy, I don't know whether to call him an ex boyfriend, but it did feel like we more than friends at one stage. We were really close. We used to talk a lot and we even kissed. Then he just switches on me and it felt like he didn't care about me anymore. He ignored my phone calls and texts. This really hurt me. He made me feel worthless and I felt like I'm a nobody to him. I texted him a few days ago, asking him to come see me, when I feel ready to talk to him, as I'm still hurting. Even though he hurt me, I guess apart of me still cares for him and I'm trying to get over that. I said I just wanted to talk to him to get things off my chest. He said yes, that sounds fine. I feel I need to talk to him and tell him how much he hurt me. Will seeing him in person bring me closure and help me move on?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You haven't described any events that occurred. You've only described feelings that you had. I'm not sure what this closure that you're wanting is, but I get the impression that it too is a feeling, and not anything that has to be gained through whatever scenario you think is going to play out.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Awww girl, first of all hug! You don't deserve that from a friend or a boyfriend or anyone! You are not defined by how an inconsiderate guy treats you. Are you really looking for closure? Do you think that maybe a tiny parts of you wished he would say "I messed up" and want you again. I'm not saying this is going through YOUR head, but it's happened to me. I'll think I want closure, but a part of me wants him to prove me wrong and fix the situation. And also, although telling him your hurt feelings will bring closure, ask yourself if your willing to take the chance to hear him say sorry, but I guess I don't feel the same? Do you want him to see that he broke your feelings or do you want to show him your strong when you talk to him? These are some questions you need to ask yourself. Keep in mind not encouraging you to avoid him and create awkwardness whenever you see each other. I just think you need to gather your thoughts before you say anything. But if you're the awesome type of person who can speak her mind and get her troubles of her chest, and move on despite what he says, go and tell him ASAP. Hope I helped!

    • You're right, apart of me does want him to admit what he did was wrong and wants me back. I still care for him. I know I deserve better than how he treated me. I'm just trying to sort out my thoughts before seeing him. As much I wish things did work out and that he didn't hurt me, I know I have to move on. I just want to talk to him and get things off my chest and feel free. Thanks for your help.

    • Show All
    • Intuition and tone don't really make sense to me in this context. I agree that we should give each other the benefit of the doubt here, as otherwise the operation of the forum would be compromised. At the same time, I've seen a lot of convos where a female user has related experiencing negative feelings, and other female users fill in the total void of facts with their own "intuition" and the asker's "tone". I think I've even seen some situations where divorces were initiated because of this. Everybody's feelings are valid, and it's always ok to have them, but whether or not they are reasonable or whether it is healthy to act on them is dependent on the surrounding facts. Constant, unquestioning affirmation of any grievance expressed with a sufficiently feminine tone is, I think, highly destructive.

      I sincerely appreciate you both taking me at face value rather than becoming offended by my tone. I welcome any further input from either of you as I only want to better understand.

    • I would have said just about the same thing if a guy had made this exact post though, it has nothing to do with her being a girl. Of course you can’t rely on intuition for everything, but it does exist and is truly helpful IF you can truly recognize it. Sure many women are more in tune with the touchy feely stuff than guys, but many guys are just as guilty of not being able to get that touchy feely stuff.
      She’s trying to communicate at the very least, but he’s hardly even trying. That’s really not excusable even if we don’t have the whole picture.
      I’m an English dork, I enjoyed your writing style though!

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • It depends what type of guy he is. He might say he's sorry that he's hurt you and
    then maybe you'll move on. On the other hand, he might be a total jerk that enjoys messing with your feelings and will feel powerful when you tell him how much you care about him. Either way-good luck. I've been through your experience with two different types of people. I have closure from one experience. But the jerk-type has been messing with my feelings for five years now.


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